Lust in Space

 

 

One thing you can be sure of: Men can't do without women. Even men from other planets realize that women are important. Not as viable members of the working society, if you take these two movies into consideration, however.  No, these two movies are firmly entrenched into the concept that a woman's basic usefulness begins and ends with their part in the continuation of the species. You know, "barefoot and pregnant". (Although having them look halfway decent in the process is a bonus...)

I think it's pretty interesting that there were at least two science-fiction movies that had this concept as their basis. (There might have been more, but these are the only two I've ever come across.) Not only that, but both have a theme that some unfortunate accident in the past has caused a situation where all of the women on the invader's planet (in both these cases, Mars) have virtually been eliminated, and the only solution available is to invade Earth and take some hostages back to Mars to continue the species.

Fortunately, for the women, these aren't the little green men normally associated with Mars (see Mars Attacks). They at least look nominally humanoid. (And in the case of the second feature, at least one of them looks like Tommy Kirk {Old Yeller}). 

 

 

 

 

 

Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster (1965):

In the never ending quest to find the most obscure and cheesy movies for The Midnite Drive-In, sometimes I find stuff that really is "way out". It is a given fact that the 50's and 60's were a hot bed of low budget movies, especially in the realm of the drive-in movie. With a few thousand dollars to spend and enough willing actors and actresses hard up enough for a role they would take on virtually anything, you could crank out a movie that was bound to secure a profit.  Maybe not enough for you to retire on, but at least enough to finance your next Schlock Theater entry.

One of the things that always got a draw in those halcyon days was the "invasion" entry, in which some aliens with less than altruistic intentions came to Earth, either to enslave the inhabitants, or just looking for a quick bite on the way home at the Human buffet table. Another thing that drew in the crowds was the next Monster of the Month club entry. Put "Dracula" (or "vampire"), "Terror", or "Creature" in the title and sit back and wait for the crowds.

So including the words "Frankenstein, "Space" and "Monster" in the title and you had the essence of the themes that would draw the necessary crowd to the local drive-in theater.  

It didn't matter that the titular "Frankenstein" had nothing to do with Mary Shelley or the numerous variations thereof in film.  And it didn't matter if the actual "Frankenstein" of the title didn't actually meet the "Space Monster" until the last 5 minutes of the film. At least you got, in the interim, some wacky antics by a midget Spock look alike, and a Martian princess (looking like a refugee from some ancient Egyptian sword and sandal epic) trying to do their own invasion of the Earth.

 

The only thing going for this movie is the bevy of bikini clad women the Martians are trying to capture. And those "Bikini-clad" women don't have to do a damn thing but just appear on screen... they don't even have to act. (It's probably a good bet that if they did, they would have acted rings around some of the actors who actually DID have lines in the film...)

 

The set up is this.  The Americans keep launching missiles into space, but unbeknownst to them, there is a spaceship out there shooting them down. But you can't keep down that good old American "can-do" spirit, so they keep banging away.  Their next goal is to send up a rocket piloted by Col. Frank Saunders ( Robert Reilly).  But the scientists do have one trick ace card up their sleeves.  Frank is not really human.  He's an android.  (The cat is almost let out of the bag when "Frank" seizes up during an interview with the press.  But since this press contingent is a couple of apples short of a pitcher of lemonade, they don't really catch on...)

So, back to the aliens.  The alien contingent is lead by a group of soldiers commanded by Princess Marcuzan (Marilyn Hanold, fresh from her gig as Playboy Playmate of the Month {June 1959}) and her adjutant (psychiatrist?) Dr. Nadir (Lou Cutell). The reason the aliens keep knocking down the rockets the Americans are firing is because they think they have been spotted and the Earth is trying to knock them out of orbit. Which would put a serious damper in their plans...

So just what are the plans?  It seems that there has been a serious war going on back on the home planet. A nuclear war.  With whom, it is never said. But the ultimate result of the war is that all the women on the planet have been killed. (That is one seriously selective nuclear bomb... And what comes to mind is... how was the princess able to escape this outcome?)

The advance alien contingent has come to Earth to attempt to kidnap some Earth women to take them back and "repopulate" the species. How? Well, for one thing every girl has to be "purified", which basically involves them being put on a conveyor belt and sent through some kind of alien CAT scan device, although I don't know what the end result does.   (When they are eventually rescued late in the movie it doesn't look like they've changed much).

 

One of the things that really make you scratch your head is, all these women that the Martians capture seem to be docilely submitting to their capture.  I don't quibble over them not actively trying to resist, after all the Martians have those Whamm-o ray guns that can disintegrate anybody they aim them at, but these women don't even raise up a vocal resistance... I mean, they don't even cry or whine over their situation.  Are the Martians really that much better an option than the Human men they have been around?

Meanwhile, back at the lab, the head scientist, Dr. Adam Steele (James Karen, the only actor you will probably even recognize), and his assistant, Karen (Nancy Marshall), try to track down Frank, who, because he is an android, is sending out signals that they can pick up that he is still alive. Although, since he has taken damage, they know he is not necessarily a stable android. 

 

Karen: What would he do?

Adam: I don't know. It would depend on what happened to him. If he'd had any bad experiences, he might react violently... out of his built-in preservation unit. Anything could happen.

Karen: What you're saying is he could turn into a...Frankenstein...

(You knew they had to justify that title somehow, didn't you...?)

Adam and Karen go out searching for Frank. And thus we get essentially a travelogue, as they cruise around Puerto Rico, showing off the local landscape.  They must not be in too big a hurry to find him, since they are riding a moped.

 

Frank has indeed gone rogue, because he is randomly killing people for no reason at all.  Meanwhile the Martians have opted to land the spaceship on Earth. You have to see the spaceship to believe it.  It looks like something like a beach house shaped like a spaceship with what appear to be pool cues supporting it as it stands. 

 

 

This is so the Martians can better load up their captives.  They hit every beach and pool party in site to take as many women as possible.

One wonders where they are going to go when they've finished their mission.  The princess says that the planet is "unfit for further habitation" as a result of the nuclear war, but Dr. Nadir claims they are looking for women so that they "can repopulate our planet". If the planet is unfit for habitation what is the point of repopulating it?

Eventually Adam and Karen find Frank, and while Adam does some work on him he sends Karen back to base to call in the Army and destroy the spaceship.  But the army's weapons prove to be useless (probably because the pilots in the airplanes couldn't hit the broad side of a barn...) And Karen is captured.  She is put in a cage with Mull (the name of the titular "Space Monster" in an effort to get her to talk.

 

Ultimately it comes down to Frank battling Mull and saving the Earth (all in the space of the last 5 minutes of the movie). And Frank destroys the command console of the space ship and blows it up. And we end with a happy ending as Adam and Karen do another Puerto Rico travelogue.

One of the many titles that this movie has been shown under is Mars Invades Puerto Rico. Which accounts for the brief interludes that I refer to as travelogues (else how would you know where the movie was being filmed?) Along with such titles as Duel of the Space Monsters ( the UK title) and Operation San Juan (again a reference to the location of the film), it is clear the producers had no idea what to do with the film.

 Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster is one of those movies where the plot is intriguing enough, but the outcome that was presented leaves a little something to be desired.  It is entertaining on some levels, but the people involved seem a little less interested in presenting a feature film than they are in just getting something out the door to draw in the unsuspecting audience.  As a feature film it is worth a watch, but I seriously doubt that many of you would return for multiple viewings.  It does however have at least a smattering of devotees.

 

 

 

 

Mars Needs Women (1968): 

There is a message coming from space.  It is very simple. Mars Needs Women. But, as opposed to the previous film, at least initially the Martians aren't out to force women against their will to become Martian mothers. (although, at the beginning of the movie three women disappear from Earth and I bet none of them were asked first...) 

As mentioned above, the first three women just disappear, with no explanation.  One is playing tennis with a male companion The second is on a date with a man and disappears while he is off refreshing his supply of cigarettes at the cigarette machine (remember those things?) The third disappears while taking a shower.  

None of these first three women were asked if they wanted to be volunteers to help out the Martians.  But apparently something happened and the first "abductions" were not altogether successful.  So the Martians have been sending a message.  "Mars needs women".

 

The Martians contact the big wigs in the Armed Forces to tell them of their situation.  Apparently a genetic  problem has cropped up in recent years leading to a male to female ratio on Mars of 100:1. So the representative Martian, Dop (Tommy Kirk), tells the brass they are trying to recruit women to come back with them. Essentially implying the women would be volunteers.  (Except for those first three, however). But the bigwig in charge, Col. Page (Byron Lord), is not so diplomatic and tells Dop to go fly a kite. 

 

Thus, the five Martians land in Houston (Why Houston? Why not?), hide their spaceship and embark on a quest to take prospective women by force.  Well, not physical force, thank God, but they are not averse to using techniques that would still be frowned upon by polite society.  They are going to hypnotize the women.

Each of the 5 Martians goes out to seek his own prospect.  One goes to the local airport and starts stalking a stewardess. One of them goes to a local college football game (which appears to be a home game between the Houston Cougars and the Baylor Bears) and picks out the winner of the homecoming queen competition as his prospect.  

A third goes to (where else) a strip club. Hey, if Dr. Cortner in The Brain That Wouldn't Die could seek a prospective body for his fiancee at one, there must be something to the prospective venue. (And since this is a TV movie, and a TV movie from the late 60's to boot, it's a pretty tame strip club. But you gotta take what life deals ya...) 

 

Meanwhile, Dop is seeking out the brilliant (and conveniently, female, and good looking to boot) genetics scientist, Dr. Marjorie Bolen (Yvonne Craig), who just so happens to be speaking at a conference in town. Dop, as you might expect, and Dr. Bolen hit it off and it seems it might just be that he wouldn't have to hypnotize her; she might just come along willingly, for the scientific knowledge. 

 

 

Meanwhile, the Air Force brass is desperately trying to find out where the Martians have hidden their spaceship.  And before you can say "coincidentally advanced speculation" they determine that the best place for a spaceship from a colder planet would have to be an abandoned ice factory, they figure out, sure enough, that there is such a place in a deserted part of town. (OK, 70's Houston was about 50% smaller than it is today, but I doubt there was much of the town that could be that remote, even back then...)

So the Martians end up having to abandon their mission and escape the frying pan before it gets too hot. Although one really has to wonder... the 5 Martians are bringing back 1 woman apiece, so how that could really help the genetic problem back on Mars becomes a little problematic.  I think 5 more women would hardly make a sizable dent in the mathematical ratio, but never let it be said that logic was a primary factor in these kinds of movies.

Of course, if you were paying attention, at this point there were only 3 (or possibly 4, if Dr. Bolen willingly accompanied them)  But the Martian doctor who was on the crew was with Dop and I guess he didn't feel the urgency to find a prospective woman of his own. Either that, or he was jealous that Dop, who wasn't even a doctor on TV, much less in real life, got to get the human female doctor...

 

Compared to the previous movie, this film has less to give to the prospective viewer in terms of it's plot, and some of the actors seem like they were just there to pick up a paycheck. Bryon Lord as the Colonel is probably one of the worst.  He has a grimace pasted on his face throughout the film that just seems to be saying "Can you just say 'Cut' and get this damn scene over?"  Lord reminds me of the Colonel in A*P*E*, but even Alex Nicol had more emotional range...

Except for Craig, not many of the other players stand out either, and that includes Kirk, who was at least half-way decent in the aforementioned Old  Yeller, but somehow never seemed to find a niche in Hollywood after that film. 

Both of these movies are good enough to watch once, but except for that common theme of aliens needing women, neither would probably be good for much but a few laughs, especially the sexist dialogue that many of the men exhibit when around Dr. Bolen in Mars Needs Women. (And I say that despite the fact that I usually defend a movie that is a product of it's time. That sexist attitude was common in the 70's, so it shouldn't be a big issue if taken in context. But it seems to me they took it a little farther than necessary here.) 

Well folks, the Quiggy household needs women (or at least one woman), but I'm not about to abduct one just to fulfill the opening. Volunteers can apply, however.

Drive safely, folks. 

Quiggy 

 

Why the 60s Was the Greatest Decade for War Films

 

 

This is my entry in the 6 from the 60's blogathon hosted by Classic Film and TV Cafe


"War is man's greatest adventure" - Ernest Hemingway

War movies have been around ever since the invention of movies.  It may not have been among the first subjects. After all, a decent war flick does involve a bit more than some slapdash makeup to create a Frankenstein monster, or even to create the illusion of traveling to the moon.  But take it as fact, once the concept of motion pictures took off, quite naturally the adventure of war became a target to transfer to the screen.

I can't actually tell you what the first war movie was.  I gave up trying to find a website that would tell me.  But as early as 1911, war was depicted on film.  The Fall of Troy, a 1911 short film from the silent era seems to be one of the first, however.

Over the years, war became increasingly a good draw at the box office.  Some of the classics would have to include (regardless of political messages they may have had):  Birth of a Nation (1915), Battleship Potemkin (1925), All Quiet on the Western Front (1930), Sergeant York (1941), From Here to Eternity (1953), Patton (1970), Platoon (1986), Gettysburg (1993), Black Hawk Down (2001) and Fury (2014).

(Author's Note:  For brevity, I only chose one movie from each decade.  This is not necessarily the best movie, just my choice as a representative of the decade. If a movie you favor was not chosen, it does not mean I think it's less than the one I actually chose. Your opinion may differ.)

You will notice, of course, that the 60's are missing from the above list.  That's because, in my opinion, the 60's were the best decade for war films.  The primary subject for war films during this time period, of course, was for the then fairly recent conflict of WWII.  The one we actually could hold our heads high and proudly state "We won!"

Of course, it didn't hurt that some of the biggest names in show business were associated with these films.  I mean look at the cast listing of the six movies I am using as a representative:  Stanley Baker, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson, Jim Brown, John Cassavetes, James Coburn, Sean Connery, Vince Edwards, Henry Fonda, James Garner, William Holden, Trevor Howard, Lee Marvin, Steve McQueen, David Niven, Gregory Peck, Donald Pleasence, Anthony Quinn, Cliff Robertson, Frank Sinatra, Rod Steiger and John Wayne, just to name a few.  Plus you had such stalwart directors as Robert Aldrich, John Sturges and Daryl F. Zanuck behind the camera.

Of course, the following six are only a representative of the whole decade, not necessarily the unanimous best.  They are some of my favorites, of course, but as you will see, I also chose these six because I have already reviewed them in depth in other posts on this blog.  Some of the others not included, but well worth checking out from the 60's output of war films are:  The Alamo (1960), The Battle of Britain (1969), Battle of the Bulge (1965), The Green Berets (1968), Hell in the Pacific (1968), Lawrence of Arabia (1962), The Sand Pebbles (1966), Where Eagles Dare (1968), and Zulu (1964). (Still an incomplete list, but it will get you started.)

My favorite war movie of the 60's is not one that involves actual war action.  I consider The Great Escape  (1963) to be the best of the bunch, however.  It is actually based on a true story about the planning of and escape from a Nazi P.O.W. camp near the end of WWII (based on an account written by one of the P.O.W.s who witnessed the events, Paul Brickhill).  The all-star cast makes this an intriguing movie.  The ending is somewhat of a downer, I warn you in advance.  I won't spoil the ending more than that, but watching the likes of McQueen, Bronson, Garner, Coburn and the like as they plan the escape is rather riveting.  As a side note, I used to call my folks every week when they were still alive, and I would play this movie without the sound in the background as I talked with them. (It helped me focus on the conversations, believe it or not...)

Another great escape movie is Von Ryan's Express (1965).  In this film, Frank Sinatra plays a downed pilot named Ryan who becomes the ranking officer in an Italian P.O.W. camp during WWII.  As such, he makes a general nuisance of himself, earning himself the rather disparaging nickname of "Von Ryan" (insinuating that he has Nazi sympathies).  The ultimate goal at the end is the commandeering of a prisoner train that is transporting the Italian P.O.W.s to a German P.O.W. camp after the Italians have surrendered.

 The Dirty Dozen (1967) is a different animal altogether.  In this film Lee Marvin is an officer given the task of training a dozen malcontents into a crack force of soldiers destined to create havoc at a secret Nazi rest area for officers of the German army.  And the all-star cast of this one has people who have memorable scenes which will stick with you long after you watch it.  Don't miss the great performances of Charles Bronson, Telly Savalas, and Donald Sutherland just to name a few.

On the heels of that escapade comes another story about a cadre of men with a goal to disrupt the Nazi's and their nefarious deeds. The Guns of Navarone (1961) involves a group who must somehow disable a couple of devastating guns in a mountain stronghold that is creating havoc with troop movement of the Allies.  Gregory Peck and David Niven are among the stars of this great adventure.

In The Devil's Brigade (1968) William Holden is the leader of a cadre of American and Canadian soldiers with a task to capture yet another Nazi stronghold.  Like the Dirty Dozen, many of Holden's charges are malcontents who must be whipped into shape before proceeding on their mission.

Rounding out this sextet of great 60's war movies is another one that is actually based on fact.  John Wayne heads yet another cast of familiar names staging the historical D-Day invasion of France, then under Nazi control.  The Longest Day (1962) focuses on more than just Wayne, however.  Most of the big names are listed above, but you will recognize quite a few more of them, depending on your movie watching history.  And the fact that it's all pretty much true to the actual conflict is a history lesson that for once you might not mind enduring.

Looking back, the fact that all of these are representative of only one conflict, WWII in Nazi Germany, may seem a bit choosy.  But the fact is there is not a dud in the bunch.  And they were all made during one decade. For more in depth discussion on each entry, please click on the links to see my thoughts on each.  Or better yet, devote a weekend to just watching the movies.  I guarantee you won't be bored.

Drive home safely, folks.

Quiggy

Gold Gems

This is my first entry in the Vincent Price Blogathon hosted by Realweegiemidget Reviews and Cinematic Catharsis

From the TV cartoon series Pinky and the Brain:

Pinky:  "What are we going to do tonight, Brain?"
The Brain: "Same thing we do every night, Pinky...try to take over the world!"
























Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965)
Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs (1966):


The essence of American International's Dr. Goldfoot movies is parody.  The hit movie series of the 60's was Sean Connery and his James Bond films.  The most recent one of these had been Goldfinger (1964).  Dr. Goldfoot was an evil scientist, who like many of Bond's nemeses, had a goal to try to take over the world.

In the first outlet for the series, Dr. Goldfoot's nefarious plan is creating girl robots who entice rich men, marry them and then drain them dry financially, to the benefit, of course, of Dr. Goldfoot.

In the second entry, Dr. Goldfoot, in cahoots with the Chinese, endeavors to start World War II between the Russians and the Americans, the ultimate goal being to destroy the two superpowers and divide the spoils between the Chinese and our "hero", Dr. Goldfoot.  To enable this, first Dr. Goldfoot sends his newly developed girl robots, accompanied with bombs, to blow up the NATO generals.  Then he hijacks an American plane with a hydrogen bomb, to blow up Moscow.

The agent, if you can call him that, is from Security Intelligence Command (S.I.C., which is pronounced "sick", leading to a couple of snickering moments when the agent says he is a "S.I.C. agent").  In the first film, the agent is played by Frankie Avalon and in the second the agent is played by Fabian, both heralding back to American International's popular "beach movies".  (In fact, in one scene in Bikini Machine, Annette Funicello makes a guest cameo.)

Both movies are highlighted by an elaborate slapstick chase.  In the first movie it is Dr. Goldfoot chasing the agents and in the second it is the agents chasing Dr. Goldfoot and his cohorts.  In both the chase is just a ploy to extend the length of the movie with numerous sight gags, regardless of the plausibility.  (i.e. a streetcar that leaves its rails and rolls down the highway or a hot air balloon that manages to keep pace with a jet airliner.)

In between you get Vincent Price at his campy best.  Sure, Price made a great evil villain, but he could pull off comedy pretty damn decently, too.  Neither of the Goldfoot entries are anywhere close to classics in the comedy realm.  And there are some flaws in the second entry.  For one thing the Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs film serves not only as a sequel to the first movie, but it was also made as a sequel to a favorite Italian series.  Hence the appearance of Franco Franchi and Ciccio Ingrrassia as a pair of Italian dolts who help our secret agent in his quest to stop Goldfoot.

For those Mario Bava fans in the crowd, it may disconcert you to know that Bava was the director of the second feature.  Definitely not up to the standards of Black Sabbath or Kill, Baby, Kill, and maybe Bava fans have a right to be disappointed.  It would be the only time that classic horror actor Price teamed up with classic horror director Bava and that's a shame.

These movies are fun, but I highly doubt they are re-watchable, even for Price fans.  But since you are probably qurantined at least for part of the day right now, it can make for a somewhat enjoyable break from all that housekeeping or whatever it is you are doing to keep active.

Drive safely, folks.

Quiggy

 

Train to Freedom

This is my first entry in the WW2 Blogathon hosted by Cinematic Essentials and Maddy Loves Her Classic Films.

The best WWII P.O.W. movie ever, hands down, in my opinion, is The Great Escape.  But any number of P.O.W. movies can easily take the #2 spot on my list.  It all depends on my mood at the time.  Re-watch-ability is the key factor in a P.O.W. movie, and great acting has to be top of the list in judging that factor.  Therefore, at times, my second favorite WWII P.O.W. movie has been, alternately,  Stalag 17, The Bridge on the River Kwai, King Rat, and even, on occasion, Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence.

But more often than not, that second place is occupied by Von Ryan's Express.  I have a soft spot in my heart for the Frank Sinatra film because a) I like Sinatra as an actor, and b) the novel by David Westheimer on which the movie was based was one of the first adult novels I ever read.  Although there are a few significant changes in the film version, including the final denouement for Sinatra's Col. Ryan, the film adaptation is at least well done, and well acted. Especially by Sinatra and Trevor Howard as Ryan's camp nemesis, Maj. Fincham.

Von Ryan's Express (1965):

Col. Joseph Ryan (Frank Sinatra) has to ditch his plane in Italian territory.  He is taken prisoner to the local Italian P.O.W. camp run by the ruthless and sadistic Maj. Battaglia (Adolfo Celi) and currently being led on the prisoners side by ranking officer Maj. Fincham (Trevor Howard).

Ryan takes over command of the prisoners, being the ranking officer, and immediately starts to butt heads with Fincham.  Ryan, knowing that the Italian liberation is just days away, insists on doing the best to cooperate with their captors, which includes revealing an escape tunnel to Battaglia.  Although Ryan has ulterior motives, such as better treatment for the prisoners, Fincham and his 9th Fusiliers cadre immediately start derogatorily calling him "von Ryan", implying that Ryan's sympathies are more aligned with the enemy.

When Ryan has the prisoners strip and have the lice ridden dirty uniforms set on fire, ostensibly to get the clean clothes Battaglia has been hoarding, the commandant issues the uniforms, but has his revenge by putting Ryan in the camp "sweat box" (the same place where the camp's previous prisoners'  commander had died).  But a short time later news  of Italy's surrender causes all the Italian soldiers to desert.  Ryan is released from his prison to find that Fincham and his cadre intend to conduct a court martial of Battaglia in the field.

Instead of letting this happen, Ryan insists that Battaglia be allowed to live and put in the "sweat box".  Then Ryan and the P.O.W.s head out for freedom, accompanied by Battaglia's second-in-command, Capt. Oriani (Sergio Fantoni), whom it is revealed actually has sympathies for the Allies.  With Oriani's help the men make it to a deserted fortress and Oriani goes to scout out the territory ahead.

But the Germans, who have been to the deserted camp, and freed Battaglia, capture them.  Initially Fincham thinks Oriani betrayed them, but he is revealed to also be a prisoner of the Germans.  The Germans put all the prisoners on board a train (minus the wounded which they kill) and bound the train towards the homeland.

Ryan comes up with an idea how they can escape, which involves tunneling through the floorboards of the train, attacking each guard and replacing them with a P.O.W. and then later escaping at an opportune moment.  This plan is thrown into havoc at one point however, and thus Ryan has to revise the plan.  Instead they commandeer the train and systematically begin to reroute it so it heads to neutral Switzerland.

As stated above, there are several changes between the novel and the actual film.  But the film can be viewed as an entity of its own if you have not read the book, with no after effects.  It should be noted that the ending is different, and the ending you see in the movie was done at the behest of Sinatra himself.  I won't reveal the final scene here, but it was done that way because Sinatra had some big pull to get it done his way.

Drive safely, folks.


Quiggy

Prank Falls and Pitfalls

This is my entry in the Natalie Wood Blogathon hosted by Musings of a Classic Film Addict

Saturday morning cartoons when I was a kid included Hanna Barbera's Wacky Races, a fun one which involved a cross-country car race, and a spinoff called The Perils of Penelope Pitstop, and another spinoff called dastardly and Muttley. I used to love all of them.  There were several significant characters in the original Wacky Races, one of which was the aforementioned Penelope, but also a gentlemanly hero named Peter Perfect, and especially memorably, a black-caped top-hatted mustachioed villain name Dick Dastardy and his incompetent helper a mutt called Muttley.

This being Hanna-Barbera cartoon about a car race, there were of course additional racers, most of which were caricatures of kid-appealing favorites, like the Slag Brothers (A Flintstones-like caveman duo),  a pair of hillbillies, and a haunted house on wheels driven by a Frankenstein and a Dracula/mad scientist set of characters.

But the ones I remembered most was the goody Peter, the evil Dastardly and his dog, and Penelope.  But I haven't seen them since I was a kid.  So a few weeks ago I bought a box-set of Warner Brothers comedies and one of them was The Great Race,  a Blake Edwards movie.  I had never seen it before but I gamely put it in my player and after about 15 minutes came to the conclusion that Edwards had made a live-action movie of the cartoon series.  Which would have been OK, but I thought Edwards was more original than that.

It turns out I was mistaken.  This movie was the original real-deal.  Wacky Races was based in turn on the original Edwards movie.  Amazingly enough, although I recall watching the cartoons quite often, there were only 17 each of the Wacky Races and its subsequent spinoffs.  Needless to say it must have had a profound effect on my memory.

The Great Race (1965):

In the early part of the 20th century there are two competing daredevils.  One is The Great Leslie (Tony Curtis), a charismatic knight in white, who performs stunts like escaping from a straight jacket while tied to a balloon.

On his opposite side is a jealous fellow daredevil, Professor Fate (Jack Lemmon, who not only performs his own stunts, but does everything he can to try to sabotage Leslie's stunts.  Usually backfiring to Fate's dismay and ultimate harm.  (These things end up looking like Wiley E. Coyote's attempts to use intricate devices to capture the Roadrunner.  Fate must have been one of Acme's founders, since his devices usually end up with the same results.)

Leslie proposes to a car company a plan to promote their company.  Cars are a fairly newfangled invention, and the company could use the publicity.  What Leslie proposes is a race from New York to Paris.  (This movie was partially based on a real event  that happened in 1908.)  Fate, upon hearing about the event, becomes determined to enter the race himself, and hopefully finally beat The Great Leslie at his own game.  To accomplish this, he devices his own special car, a monstrosity that has to be seen to be believed.

Maggie DuBois (Natalie Wood), a suffragette striving to be a female reporter in a world that still considers women to be inferior to men, makes a proposal to the editor of a newspaper, Mr. Goodbody (Arthur O'Connell), to enter the race herself, as a way to report on the race and thus get a job and a success in the fight for the rights of women.  Goodbody reluctantly gives her permission.

On the day of the race, Fate and his right hand man, Max (Peter Falk) sabotage the cars in the race.  The result is that only Fate, Leslie and Maggie are left in the race.  And Maggie, who has chosen a Stanley Steamer, not the best choice for a cross-country road race, breaks down in the middle of the first leg of the race (due to the unreliability of the car, not due to Fate's sabotage...)

Maggie uses her wiles to tag along with Leslie, at least until the first stop in the trip.  But at every point along the journey she manages to find a way to continue on, using blackmail and her sexual appeal to convince Leslie to keep her on.

In Boracho, a western town along the way, there is a female cabaret singer, Lily Olay (Dorothy Provine), who flirts with Leslie, infuriating her boyfriend, Texas Jack (Larry Storch), who then instigates a bar brawl to end all bar brawls.  Fate uses the distraction to sabotage the gasoline Leslie needs to continue, but of course, since Leslie is the hero and Fate is the hapless villain, Leslie manages to find a way to stay in the race.

The two cars end up in Alaska where an iceberg makes them allies for a brief period, but once they reach the Russian coast the race is back on.

The racers end up in the fictional country of Ruritania (oops, I mean Carpania) where the prince, Rudolph (oops, I mean Frederick) turns out to be the spitting image of Professor Fate.  Which leads to a long parody of The Prisoner of Zenda (so, OK, those weren't really innocent mistakes).

Ultimately, after a pie fight to end all pie fights, the race continues.  Who wins?  I'm not telling.

This movie is pretty funny for the first half, but I personally think it breaks down during the parody of Zenda.  But it really shines with Lemmon as the  Dick Dastardly/Snidely Whiplash-like character, and although I think Wood overacts quite often, she is a treat to watch in this.  The only real downside, in my opinion, are the scenes back home where, while the race is in progress, Goodbody's wife (played by Vivian Vance, Ethel Mertz on I Love Lucy) leads a charge for women's rights, to the dismay of her husband.

Well, folks, that's it from the back seat of this old Plymouth. I'm off to race a pair of turtles to the house.  Personally I would bet on the turtles...

Quiggy

  

The Solar System on $5 a Day (Pt. 1)

This is my first entry in the Outer Space on Film Blogathon hosted by Moon in Gemini


Attention patrons of the Midnite Drive-In! For three days, from April 13th -15th. we are going to take a tour of the solar system.  American International Pictures is our main guide to this tour. We will be visiting many of the planets in our solar system along with a brief jaunt to Earth's moon.  We hope you enjoy this respite from your daily humdrum life.

The solar system is fairly huge.  At least it is by comparison to a trip around the world.  From our sun, it is around 7.4 billion miles to Pluto, the last planet in our solar system.  (Pluto is still a planet in my book.  The hell with what Neil deGrasse Tyson and the rest of  his big forehead astronomer buddies say...).  You could start at one point on Earth, say New York City, and travel completely around the Earth back to NYC almost 3 million times before you could come close to the same distance.

Almost ever since man has noticed that there are other planets in his neighborhood, there has been speculation that there might be life on those other planets.  The most famous example of speculation of life on other planets within our solar system would probably be H. G. Wells' The War of the Worlds.  I would hazard a guess that probably only the most remote aboriginal tribe in deepest dark Africa has never heard of this classic tale (which, in case you are one of those tribal members, involves Martians invading the Earth).

The drive-in movie theater has always been a ripe venue for tales of space travel.  Movies that were specifically made for drive-ins usually had a budget of mere pennies compared to the extravaganzas that crop up in the multiplex theaters of today.  (All six of the movies we will address over the next three days were made for less than a hundredth of the entire budget for the Tom Cruise version of The War of the Worlds...)

But cheap budgets did not always mean cheap entertainment.   While a couple of the movies that I address do come off a little stale, they are still worth at least one view, and a couple of them are entertaining enough to be watched several times.

We begin our tour with the planet Mercury.  Mercury is hot.  Take my word for it.  Cameras and film start melting before you even get within 100,000 miles of the planet.  This explains why no movies were ever filmed on Mercury until the early 21st century, when studios finally solved the enigma and were able to have a spaceship orbiting Mercury in Sunshine.  But we won't delve into that movie because our tour is limited on time.  You can check that movie out on your return to Earth.

The next planet on our tour is Venus.  Venus was the site for several decent films, among which were Queen of Outer Space which featured Zsa Zsa Gabor as a courtier to the dictatorial Queen of Venus helping our astronaut heroes who crash landed on the planet.  A Russian film, Planeta Bur, also took place on Venus, as did Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women and today's first feature, both of which were adapted from the Russian film.


Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet (1965):

The film Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet is an example of someone taking a foreign film and adapting it, with a Russian film called Planeta Bur (Planet of Storms) standing in for real authentic American movie making.  The people who released this movie recut the movie, much like someone else did with the Japanese flick Gojira (Godzilla).  But instead of actually having the main actors interact physically with the inserted characters (Raymond Burr supposedly actually talks with some f the Japanese characters onscreen in the latter example), this movie just substitutes our main American actors and actresses talking to the characters from the Russian film via radio.

Basil Rathbone, who must have been hard up for a paycheck, plays a scientist, Professor Hartmann,  on a Lunar base that is in contact with three ships trying to reach Venus.  One of the ships, the Capella, is destroyed by a meteorite, leaving two ships.  Hartmann informs the two ships that they should wait on a replacement ship to arrive to help them.  But our astronauts don't want to wait the two months it will supposedly take for another spaceship to arrive, and one set of astronauts decide to go ahead with the plan and land on Venus.

Upon their arrival the two astronauts lose contact with the mother ship and another crew of three astronauts go down to look for them.  They leave Marsha (Faith Domergue), another astronaut, on board to keep in touch with the landing crew as well as keeping in contact with Hartmann back on the Lunar base.

You probably wouldn't know any of the actors who play the astronauts by name, but even if you did, for some reason AIP decided to give them more European sounding names like Robert Chantal and Kurt Boden.  And the actors are obviously not American, you can tell, but even if you couldn't you would surely notice that their lips are not actually forming the same words that are coming out of your speakers.    

Both sets of astronauts encounter dinosaurs and other exotic life on the planet, including a giant man-eating Venus flytrap (now THERE'S a humorous vignette...)  As the two groups try to connect with each other they run into several dire situations.  Fortunately they have the help of a robot who is able to get them out of one situation involving a rising flow of lava from a volcano.

 This movie has some very cheesy special effects and it is hampered by the fact that the Russian actors are not very good, but since it is only about an hour or so long, it is worth a watch, if only for the appearance of two memorable movie icons.  Basil Rathbone is famous to most viewers for his many portrayals of Sherlock Holmes and Faith Domergue was a sultry siren in many sci-fi and horror films herself ( Cult of the Cobra, It Came From Beneath the Sea, The Atomic Man and of course the most familiar role in This Island Earth)

On our tour of the planets in the solar system, we felt we would be remiss if we did not take a detour and visit Earth's moon.  The Moon was the first thing many of the early Earth natives looked at with awe and wonder over the years.  It was often speculated that life on the Moon existed, and when man finally went to the Moon it was discovered that, indeed, there was a life of sorts.  This was discovered first by the people who made A Trip to the Moon.  Among the other excursions to the Moon, we have Destination: Moon and a bizarre entry in the nudie film genre called Nude on the Moon (in which astronauts find a nudist colony on the moon, although technically it's only a topless moon colony, not a true nudist colony...)  Additionally we have today's second feature:


12 to the Moon (1960):

The premise of this movie is a multi-national group of astronauts is on a mission to be the first to land on and investigate the moon.  A distinguished director (played by the equally distinguished Francis X. Bushman) introduces the crew who will man the Lunar Eagle 1.  They include such distinguished scientists and experts as a German who was the ship's designer, Erich Heinrich (John Wengraf), a boy genius, the ship's mathematics specialist, Rod Murdoch (Robert Montgomery, Jr.), a Turkish physician, Selim Hamid (Tema Bey) and his Swedish nurse, Sigrid Bomark (Anna-Lisa), a French engineer, Etieene Matel (Roger Til), a British geophysicist, Sir William Rochester (Phillip Baird), a Japanese space photographer, Hideko Murata (Michi Kobi), a Russian geologist Feodor Orloff (Tom Conway), a Nigerian navigator Asmara Markonen (Cory Devlin), a Polish born Israeli who serves as the recorder, David Ruskin (Richard Weber), A Brazilian pilot Luis Vargas (Anthony Dexter) and the ship commander, John Anderson (Ken Clark), who is an American.  The ship's commander was unanimously elected to be the leader because of his experience in the field of space travel (and of course because he is a American and this is a United States made film...)

The 12 board the Lunar Eagle, the rocket designed by Dr. Heinrich, and blast off for space.  The trip s supposed to take 27 hours.  In that time, several subplots come to light.  Firstly, for a supposedly cooperative international flight, the Russian comes off as a typical Russian of the era, claiming that Soviet technology is the reason the mission will be successful.  Also there is some sniping between the Israeli and the Russian, since the Israeli is actually of Polish descent (Poland having been under Soviet dominion at the time).  Also, it turns out that the German scientist's father was the Nazi who ran the concentration camp where all of the Israeli's family had been exterminated, although the Israeli is the only one who doesn't know it.

On the trip there are several encounters with meteor showers.   The crew has some special equipment that helps them avoid being hit by the meteors.  (Seems like they probably could have gone at a different time and avoided them altogether, but you know Hollywood...)

After landing the crew find several interesting things, including gold and a bubbling viscous emanation which one crew member foolishly tries to touch and gets his hand burned.   The Swede and the Turk find a cave which seems to, incredibly, have breathable air.  They take off their helmets, and immediately fall in love.  (Don't look at me, I didn't make this up...)    They walk off deeper into the cave and essentially disappear.  Meanwhile the rest of the crew returns to the Lunar Eagle, less one other member who was swallowed up by some version of lunar quicksand.

Back on the Lunar Eagle, the computer starts printing out a message.  It is in the form of some hieroglyphics which, although they don't look Japanese in the slightest, the Japanese scientist can translate.  It is from the residents of the Moon who tell them to leave immediately.  They are worried that the Earth people will contaminate the utopia that is the Moon.  The Moon people say they have the two lovers and are going to keep them to observe them and decide whether or not they are going to destroy the Earth to prevent any further contamination.

Despite a few plot holes that you could fire a howitzer through, this movie is not all bad.  There are a few revelations and plot contrivances that you can see coming a mile away, but most of them, if viewed in the context of the time, are acceptable.

Come back tomorrow as we will continue or trek across the solar system.  In the meantime make use of the well stocked bar and diner on the third level of our spaceship.  We will be sure to drive it safely.

Quiggy