Queen and King

 

I have started a new trend in my blog, I think. Not long ago I posted a review of The Blob and I Married a Monster from Outer Space, which was inspired by an old newspaper drive-in ad. Coming up in October to celebrate the 10th anniversary of The Midnite Drive-In, I am going to another such review. I recently ordered a book called Ad Nauseum: Newsprint Nightmares from the '70s and '80s, which is sure to inspire more such posts.  I found this one on the internet, however.

Queen of Outer Space (1958):

I have been meaning to review Queen of Outer Space because it crops up quite often as a bad movie, and you know how much I love to go to great lengths to test that "bad movie" appellation.  Queen of Outer Space is corny beyond belief. The script was written by Charles Beaumont. Yes, the same Charles Beaumont who gave us many classic Twilight Zone episodes, such as "The Howling Man", "The Jungle", "In His Image" and "Valley of the Shadow", as well as one of my favorite movies, "The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao" (which was actually based on another source, but the script WAS good). It was also written by Ben Hecht, and there comes a real puzzler. Hecht was the guy who wrote hundreds of phenomenally great screenplays and stories,  like The Front Page and Some Like it Hot, and even won a couple of Oscars.

In this movie you get some pretty dippy dialogue. At least, it is in Larry's place, who I guess is supposed to be the comic relief. But, I found out that this movie isn't quite as a straightforward serious movie as I thought.  At least one podcast I watched post movie says it is meant to be a parody. Which is why Larry reminds me so much of Joey Travolta's character  in Amazon Women on the Moon (which in turn seems to have been inspired by this movie, so now it makes a little more sense).

The movie starts off with three astronauts, Capt. Neal Patterson (Eric Fleming), Lt. Mike Cruze (Dave Willock) and. Lt. Larry Turner (Patrick Waltz), waiting to see their commander.  Instead of getting the assignment they expect, checking a trip scheduled for exploring Mars, they get the job of being Uber drivers, taking a scientist, Professor Konrad (Paul Birch) to the local space station.  It seems there are some strange goings on up there. They are told not to talk to anyone about their mission. 

Needless to say they are a little disappointed.

One of the first scenes, just before the blastoff, Neal asks where his lieutenant, Larry is. Larry is saying goodbye to his girlfriend. And I guess Larry thought that part about not talking to anyone didn't include his girlfriend...

 

Larry and his woman of the moment

 Dippy Dialogue #1:

Larry's Girlfriend: "Oh, Larry! Spaceships are dangerous! I mean, what if you should get lost up there? Or blow up or something? I don't know what I'd do without you."

Larry: "I'm sorry, baby, but I don't have any other choice. I'm the navigator and they can't make a move without me."

Mike is talking with Neal complaining about the mission and mentions that they should get better assignments because they were the first astronauts to orbit the moon. (Wait a minute... They've gone from just orbiting the moon to building a space station AND they are in line to orbit Mars... all within their lifetime???) More ridiculous than that, while they are still fueling the rocket the Professor tries to light a cigarette and Neal has to tell him that's a bad idea.  Well, they're not rocket scientists, I guess...  But I thought at least  the Professor WAS...

 

Our intrepid crew

 

Don't miss the rather low tech way these guys strap in for takeoff. Those seats look more like  Barca Loungers or even hide-a-beds,  and not even remotely safe for the G-forces they are going to encounter. 

 

Waiting for the game to kickoff

 

Upon entering space and drawing near the space station, they notice some strange beams coming from somewhere. Ultimately one of the beams blow up the space space station. Then as more light beams head their way, they try to outrun them. (Yeah, you probably just had the same thought I did...) 

Another beam hits them, although instead of blowing up, it ultimately causes them to crash land on a planet. They aren't initially aware of which planet, since a lot of the equipment has malfunctioned, but investigation eventually reveals they are on Venus. Of course, as anyone who has even a limited knowledge of Venus, this is astounding, since science had postulated that Venus was not a planet conducive to life. But since this is the movie sci-fi world, that idea is proven wrong. Even the Professor admits he COULD have got his data wrong.

The crew are not long on the planet before they encounter the residents of Venus. The residents, however, appear to be all female, leading to the speculation that life on Venus may not involve procreation. 

Dippy Dialogue #2:

Professor Konrad: "Perhaps this is a civilization without sex."

Larry: "You call that civilization?"

This is a male fantasy in movie form. A planet of all women, with the four interlopers being the only males on the planet.

 

The supermodel army cometh

 

The men are captured by the aggressive female soldiers and taken before the Queen (Laurie Mitchell). The Queen and the rest of the ruling council all wear masks. It's not yet apparent why they wear masks although  it is speculated among the men it's may be something like hiding the faces of the rulers to keep them from being seen by the "hoi polloi".

 

Earth's Got Talent: Episode 1

 

The Queen determines they are a threat, despite the captain's insistence that the landing was an accident, and that they have no aggressive intentions. The Professor seems to think that the beams that destroyed the space station and knocked them off course may have originated from Venus, however, so maybe their landing was not entirely accidental.

Dippy Dialogue #3:

Mike: "Oh come off it.  How could a bunch of women invent a gizmo like that?"

Larry: "Sure, and even if they did invent it, how could they aim it? You know how women drivers are."

 (Gotta love that Larry. He makes this movie funny, regardless of intentional or not...)

A scientist, Talleah (Zsa Zsa Gabor), insists on visiting these prisoners. 

 

"This dress was designed by our planet's greatest costume designer!"

 

 

She tells them they are in great danger.  The Queen has plans to destroy the Earth because it obstructs her view of Mars. (No, that's Marvin the Martian...) Actually the Queen is going to destroy the Earth before it can be a threat to Venus.  (Talk about preemptive strikes...)

 

The (cardboard) disintegration ray

Talleah and some of the rebel faction of the planet want to take the Queen down a peg or two, and she thinks these Earth boys could be of help. It seems that years ago Venus was involved in a war with another planet.  The Queen took over, because the men of the planet didn't take her seriously. (Never underestimate the power of a woman, I guess.) She killed off most of then, however the ones she needed like scientists are now in a prison colony on a moon orbiting the planet (which the real Venus doesn't even have one...)

The palace guards come to take Neal to see the Queen, although Larry tries to wangle the invitation for himself, but Neal breaks the bad news to him.   

Dippy Dialogue #4:

Neal: "Sorry. I don't think Yllana's your type."

Larry: "What do ya mean? If she's a woman she's my type."

Meanwhile after Neal leaves, Talleah starts to show her true colors.

Dippy Dialogue #5:

 Talleah: "I hate her! I hate the Queen!"   

Larry: "She's jealous!  26 million miles from Earth and the women are all the same!" 

(BTW, Venus is actually about 59 million miles from Earth... I told you they weren't rocket scientists... at this point I'm actually starting to wonder whether they're actually astronauts...)

Neal goes to see the Queen and she reveals that she had an attraction to him, despite her worries that Earth is planning to attack Venus. In the process of trying to charm her sensitive side he removes her mask and reveals a disfigured face due to radiation. It seems only the women in charge suffered radiation burns, however. The rest of the women are beauty contestants by comparison. (And I think most of the "actresses" playing the women actually were beauty contestants and models. It's a sure bet they weren't actresses by profession).

 

"Women on Earth just use mud masks, sweetheart..."

 

Talleah and her rebels agree to help the men find the disintegration ray hidden in the jungle and sabotage it. But, since this IS a male fantasy film at it's heart we gotta have the obligatory make out session.  And by the way: The girl making out with Larry? That's Lisa Davis, who either was already, or at least soon would be married to the actor playing Larry.

 

Larry and his woman of the moment (or until death do us part...)

 

Ultimately the boys do succeed, although not necessarily by their own initiative. Talleah becomes the new Queen.  When they get into contact with Earth they are ordered to stay on the planet for at least a year, because of extenuating circumstances, and none of them are complaining about that... (Wait a minute, Larry... what about your girlfriend back on Earth? Guess he forgot about her.)

 

Waiting for her man. (He might not be coming back, babe.)

 

Surprisingly, although wikipedia claims it got generally positive reviews Queen of Outer Space sits at only 18% on the Tomato-meter. Now it should be noted, concerning those supposedly positive reviews, that most movie reviewers in 1958 were male. Once again, I repeat, this is basically a male fantasy film. I mean what red-blooded heterosexual male WOULDN'T want to be stranded on a planet of all women? But, though I enjoyed the movie from that aspect, I have to admit it isn't all that good.  Most of the dialogue is kind of cringy and laughable. On the other hand, it was apparently supposed to be a parody.  It is definitely a candidate for the camp movie archives, if nothing else. 

A fun thing to do when watching this movie are spotting some recycled stuff from previous movies. I won't go into detail on each of them, but one in particular is worth pointing out.  The girl that Larry ends up with on Venus, (credited as "Motiya" although I can't recall her being addressed by a name). is wearing the same dress that Anne Davis' Alta wore in Forbidden Planet.

 

Remote (Altair IV) fashion sense

Local (Venus) fashion sense

Those astronaut uniforms are the same, too...

 

The Queen of Outer Space and Frankenstein 1970 were released together as a double feature when they came out in 1958.

 

Boris Karloff was nearing the end of his career at this point, but surprisingly, this is the first time he had ever played a member of the Frankenstein family (as opposed to the monster, which he had done 3 times in the 30's and 40's.  

I think that Karloff might well be the king of horror, although Vincent Price and Bela Lugosi might give him a run for his money for that title. But given that he, as well as the aforementioned Price and Lugosi virtually became typecast in the genre, that may be a blessing, but it may also be a curse. Price, for his part, never had to make schlocky knockoffs (my opinion), but Karloff basically ended his career by becoming a caricature of his former heyday. (You could argue the same for Price, but then again, much of Price's whole career was as a caricature... again, my opinion...)

Frankenstein 1970 (1958):

We open with a scene where a woman is being chased by a lumbering, hulking figure.  It seems to me if she'd just stop pausing to look back and scream, she ought to be able to outrun her pursuer, but then how would we get any suspense out of that? Eventually she finds herself trapped with a pond behind her and the pursuer in front of her.  The monster grabs her and begins to drown her...

 

 

 

"CUT!"

It turns out they were only filming a scene for a movie. There is some repartee between cast and crew. including the director's jealous ex-wife, the movie's script consultant,  who seems to think the lead actress in his film is is nest conquest. And the lead actress is a typical prima donna who is complaining about the roles she has been getting recently.

 

 

 

The reason they are filming this particular movie is to commemorate the 250th anniversary of the original Dr. Frankenstein and his mad genius in creating a monster. In this film, at least, Mary Shelley's novel had a real historical background, which is only right, because otherwise we wouldn't have the current Baron Victor von Frankenstein (Boris Karloff). And, being unmarried and childless, he says he is "the last of the house of Frankenstein".

 

 

 

But, you see, the Baron is in serious need of money to continue his own experiments. He is trying to get a nuclear reactor to continue his quest. (And apparently the scriptwriters in 1958 thought that by 1970, you could just go down to the local nuclear reactor dealership and buy one of the lot...)  So he has to deal with the presence of a bunch of people he's much rather not have around.  

Primarily, one of the most annoying people in the Victor's mind, is that director, Douglas Row (Don Barry). Row is much too friendly, and Victor finds him extremely bothersome. Not so, the female lead, Carolyn (Jana Lund). When Row intimates he's going to rewrite the whole script and include a part for Victor, he immediately turns on the charm and exudes some typical "it would be my pleasure to do a scene with so lovely a woman"... It seems age has not affected his libido.

There is some background to the Victor's madness.  Victor had some rather unpleasant dealings in the past with the Nazis who had taken over the country.  Apparently they didn't take to kindly to his refusal to help them in their quest to dominate the world. He survived, but his animosity towards them seethes inside. He keeps his experiments to himself, not even telling his confidante, Gottfried (Rudolph Anders) of his true intentions. But Gottfried has his suspicions, especially given Victor's current dealings with the director of the local morgue...

 

In a secret lab the access to which is hidden, conveniently, by the crypt on the first floor, Victor has some gadgets that his ancestor could only ream of, including the fact that the rooms in which his guests are residing during their stay are wired so he can listen in to them. And also the body on which he is conducting his secret experiments.

But there is a fly in the ointment.  Because his butler, Shuter (Norbert Schiller) discovers Victor's secret entrance by accident, and in succession, Victor's secret experiments.  So Shuter becomes Victor's first victim.  Because, after all, the creature must have a brain, and Shuter as a faithful servant, would make a faithful creature to serve Victor.  And he will live forever, isn't that every man's dream?  Well, maybe not Shuter, since he will be losing his current life...

Of course, even with careful planning, things can go awry.  Although Victor is successful in transplanting Shuter's brain, when he goes to retrieve the eyes he has stored in his refrigerator he drops the jar.  Oops.  Now he needs a new set of eyes.  Not only that, but Gottfried is getting more and more wise.  Victor's claim that Shuter  "went to visit relatives" won't hold water because Gottfried knows Shuter has no living relatives.

 

But since Victor is so deep in his experiments and his hoped for success, even Gottfried's suspicions are not going to deter him. Victor has the help of his creature, which, although it has a newly transplanted brain courtesy of Shuter, it is still in need of other body parts. One by one members of the film crew disappear, sort of.  The monster is the guilty party, although Victor keeps positing likely scenarios to cover the fact that he and his accomplice are accruing the necessary accoutrements.

The last 10 minutes of the film run pell-mell towards the end, seemingly as if someone in the front office told the director his budget was running short and there were no more funds.  it basically wraps up as the creature revolts against Victor and causes both of them to die. And the final denouement is when the bandages are taken off of the monster to reveal that the creature is none other than an exact replica of Victor!

 

Karloff is probably at one of his worst here, but give him credit, at least he didn't have to resort to making  ALL his final movies as a cheap shadow of his former self.  Whatever you think of them, the three he made in the 60's The Terror, The Raven and The Comedy of Terrors were all pretty decent.  And one of his final movies Targets, Peter Bogdanovich's first movie, in which he basically play himself, an aging horror movie star, is one that ranks high in my book.  

So of these two, I highly recommend you give Queen of Outer Space a whirl. Frankenstein 1970 is probably only for the completist who want to see EVERY Karloff movie, or every movie featuring Frankenstein.

Hope you got a kick out of this trip into 1958. Come back in  October for the 10th anniversary of The Midnite Drive-In and catch a few more 1958 movies.

 

Drive safely, folks.

Quiggy

 

 

Cross-ed Knives

To start- a reminiscence:

When I was about 13, being a voracious reader, I got a copy of Dave Wilkerson's The Cross and the Switchblade from the library.  The story was about a preacher who started a ministry in the ghetto of New York City to reach out to drug addicts and gang members.  As I was reading I came across an unfamiliar word.  My mother was cooking supper and so I just asked her :

 "Mama, what's a whore?"

My mother's response was probably the same as it would have been if you were to ask your mother the same question at age 13.

"What are you READING??!!" 

(I'm pretty sure she didn't answer my question... even after I told her what I was reading...)

So, back in the 70's, Hollywood's opinion of Christian themed movies was that it was basically kryptonite at the box office.  "You can't make a Christian themed movie! No one will come see it!".  And to be honest, that was a good call, since the movie didn't even break even.  

Pat Boone, the star, called The Cross and the Switchblade his favorite movie he was in, but that he was paid so little that it was almost charity work. But he believed in the message. Boone, a devout Christian, is quoted as saying the film received positive reviews from both reviewers and the movie going public.  (That "movie going public" was probably mostly comprised of Christians who were already receptive to the message, be that as it may).

Along with Boone, the film is also noted as the first feature role for Erik Estrada, who went on to do, among other things, the role of Ponch in the TV series CHiPs.  The rest of the cast was not as prolific in film as Estrada, however.  For a few of them, IMDb only lists this one in their bios. Considering the caliber of acting throughout, that's not too surprising.

But, to be honest I don't think The Cross and the Switchblade was ever meant to be anything but  an evangelical film. "Evangelical films" by nature, are more about the message than the actual acting. Even with name stars in the lead roles of these kinds of films, sometimes the acting comes off a bit cringy. (Sorry, Kirk Cameron fans, but most of his Christian movies put me to sleep.) 

With the exception of the aforementioned Estrada, none of these people ever had any real impact in film. A read of the cast credits will cause most people to say "Who???". Most of them only had about 10 credits at the most when I checked IMDb.  And many times it's pretty obvious why they didn't have resounding careers. The majority of them would probably have been lucky to have a walk-on role in one of the lowest budget blaxploitation or cheapie drive-in flicks.

With 43 credits, Pat Boone pretty much topped them all. But Boone was probably the worst of the bunch. I never really felt he exhibited enough emotion to be a credible street preacher. 

On the other hand, the stand out role was done by Erik Estrada as Nicky Cruz. His transformation from the street tough to a guy who embraces the message the preacher is giving may have been just a tad too predictable, but as the pre-Christian gang member he exhibited a good range of emotion, and it was easy to see how he became a Hollywood star.

One little side tidbit that, of course, I HAVE to bring to the plate (of course I do, dear regular readers, if you've been reading this blog long)  is the fact that one name appears on IMDb as being an "uncredited" cast member: Harry Reems. To those unacquainted with the seamier side of the industry, Harry Reems made a career out of being a porn star.  (And, no, I've never actually seen any of his movies.. but I know his name. He had roles in Deep Throat and The Devil in Miss Jones, both of which you may have heard of, even if you avoided watching them).

 

 

The Cross and the Switchblade (1970): 

In the opening scene we have one solitary guy, who must've taken a wrong turn at the Brooklyn Bridge, surrounded by a bunch of enemies, and he runs from them.  But he is not successful, and the gang catches up to him and beats the crap out of (maybe even kills him?)  

Cut from there to a court scene where those gang members are on trial. And here is where one of the unintentionally (I hope) funny scenes occurs. There is chaos in the courtroom that no judge I know would have ever allowed. During the proceedings an argument takes place between the prosecuting lawyer and the defense lawyer, and the defense lawyer. I can't possibly put down in writing it out how ridiculous this scene is. Suffice to say the prosecuting lawyer claims that the defense lawyer is an idiot and the defense lawyer demands police protection.

Fortunately the whole movie isn't quite as ridiculous as this scene. Although the ridiculousness isn't quite over.  At this point Wilkerson (Pat Boone) walks into the courtroom, but is ejected because the judge thinks he may have a gun (hidden inside that Bible...? Really....?) The police let him go, however, on the promise that he won't try to enter the judge's courtroom ever again.

The next scene shows Wilkerson sleeping in his car (a rickety looking old 50's model that somehow looks out of place even though in reality it is probably only about 15 years old. A gang of pre-teens proceed to strip his car of it's hubcaps (OK) and also his front hood (and I don't get that part, but then I wasn't a gang member in the 60's..)

When Wilkerson wakes up, one kid pulls a knife on him, but exhibiting some moves he probably learned watching a Bruce Lee movie, Wilkerson gets him in an arm lock. Enter big sister, who manages to convince Wilkerson she wasn't in on the whole thing.  

When she realizes that Wilkerson is the same guy who created a hubbub in the courtroom, she introduces herself as Little Bo Peep and  the kid is her brother, Bottle Cap. (Sometimes this movie made me laugh out loud at what they expected you to believe. I mean, really! Little Bo Peep? Bottle Cap?).

Wilkerson goes immediately into preacher mode and Bo listens with a bemused look.  Wilkerson tells her about how his church sent him from rural Pennsylvania to the Big Apple to reach out to the gang members and junkies in the ghetto. He also proves his true Christian nature by giving Bottle Cap his shoes, leaving him to walk around for the rest of the first quarter of the movie in his socks. (Personally, I wouldn't want to walk around that neighborhood even if I had shoes.)

Wilkerson, of course, is confident in his mission because, after all, he is on "a mission from God" (albeit without a dark suit, hat and sunglasses).  He arranges with Bo to take him where one of the really tough gangs congregate, the Mau Maus. They are currently in conference with members of a rival gang, the Bishops.  But to get there they have to go through a neighborhood that is under the control of the AAAGP: "The American Association for the Advancement of Gangsters and Pot" (I swear I'm not making any of this up...)

Wilkerson tries to proselytize to both, but neither are really all that receptive.  After all, they have bigger fish to fry, like who is going to be the King bee gang in the neighborhood.  The Mau Maus are mostly white and the Bishops are pretty much all black, so it is a racial battle as well as a territorial battle.

Inside the room, we also meet Rosa (Jackie Giroux), who will figure into the story much later.  She is obviously strung out on drugs (later we find she is hooked on heroin). So the meeting occurs with Big Cat(!) and Abdullah representing the Bishops and Israel and Nicky representing the Mau Maus. And we get our first introduction to the second star of the film, Erik Estrada as Nicky. They agree on a time and place to rumble and the allowable weapons (which in 50's and 60's apparently never involved guns). At this point Wilkerson chooses to step up and preach to the gang members.

In an effort to make himself acceptable, he does the cultural thing and high-fives the Bishops, but when he tries the same with the Mau Maus, Nicky slaps his face. Dejected at his lack of success, Wilkerson leaves.  But when he gets back to where he parked the car, like a sign from God (whoops, forgot about this film's message...) there is a church.  He goes in and finds he has some friends in the neighborhood after all because the pastor insists that Wilkerson stay at his house during his tour of duty in the ghetto.

The film cuts back and forth between gang action for the next bit, and I couldn't help but think it was choreographed by the same person who choreographed West Side Story.  Every scene involving chase scenes seems like it was planned for a stage production point of view. Not sure if that was the intention, but it certainly didn't seem spontaneous. The riot scene at the beginning of The Warriors felt more real, and that scene actually WAS choreographed. 

Anyway, among other scenes, Wilkerson manages to rescue Rosa who is dying for another fix. At first Rosa's plan is to slice and dice him because Nicky has an extreme animosity for the preacher. He promises Rosa all the heroin she ants if she'll take Wilkerson out of the picture.

He doesn't help her out with money, instead he takes her back to the pastor's place and all of them work around the clock to get her straight. So you think score one for the street preacher.  But he still has hundreds more, and his big trouble is with the gangs who are more concerned about their territory on earth than their mansion in the kingdom of Heaven.

But Wilkerson has an idea.  A big rally in which hopefully the gang members will attend.  The gangs do attend, but they have other things in mind, like a rumble in a place where the cops won't be so likely to interrupt the party.  But Wilkerson sees through their ruse, and gets two members of each gang to come up and take milk cartons around to pass the congregation for a collection.

(Note: When I saw this the only other time I remember, it was as a kid, probably just before or not long after the reminiscence at the beginning of this blog entry. I vividly remembered even today only one scene, and it was this one. Especially where both gang members give meaningful looks to the donators when they think they didn't put enough in the collection box.)

Initially the gang debate whether to split up the collection first or make it a bonus prize for the winning gang in the upcoming rumble.  But then they come to the idea that's exactly what Wilkerson was expecting, and it would trip him up if they just gave him the collection. Wilkerson apparently was thinking the same thing, given the expression of surprise on his face when the gang comes back and gives him ALL the collection.

Then Wilkerson launches into his sermon, and surprise (not!) several members are profoundly affected by his preaching. (I sincerely hope the real Dave Wilkerson was better at preaching than Pat Boone is at playing Wilkerson preaching. I sure wouldn't have been profoundly affected by that piece.) But he does get Nicky among others on board with God. And that my friends was the point. Nicky Cruz (the real guy, not Estrada) went on to found his own ministry.

 

I only recommend this movie to those among my congregation (followers) who can appreciate the underlying message. (I THINK a few of you are Christian, anyway). But don't go into expecting a real entertaining movie if you are not.  I think Estrada is the only actor in this movie that actually pulls off a decent portrayal.  Most of the rest seem to be clueless how to play their roles convincingly.  Even Giroux as the junkie sometimes bleeds over into the realm of over-acting. Although, she is better than Boone. But give Boone a break, his real forte was doing cheesy white bread covers of Black R & B songs for a white audience in the 50's, and not acting.

 Well, folks, the Plymouth may not be a Ferrari, but I bet it runs better than Wilkerson's old junker.

Drive safely, folks.

Quiggy

 

 

 

Don't Ignore the Warning Signs!

 A Public Service Announcement from the folks at The Midnite Drive-In!

 

 

Do you ever think about the messages that movies can teach us? 

 

 

 

There are dangers out there that should be taken seriously when dealing with day to day life. These warning signs ought to be posted everywhere. The problem is most people don't know about the threats in this world.  So, as a public service The Midnite Drive-In has taken on the role of presenting you with this  announcement.  

Be wary of these threats! It could be YOUR life you save!

 

There's no place like home to start with the warnings:

 

 

 While still in the house, there should be some additional warning signs:

 

 

 

 

But don't bother your family while you are taking precautions ...

 

 And, really...

 

 

 

Maybe its better if, in the first place,  you just...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But, if you leave...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And if you do go out...

 

Sometimes it might be better if you...

 

But seriously, folks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because this is all just a dream....

 

 

Right now you're probably thinking you have a warning for me...

 

Ha! The joke's on you... This IS my day job!

Quiggy