Biblical Myths and Legends

 

This is my entry in the Once Upon A Time Blogathon hosted by Hometowns to Hollywood.

Some people are "literalists" when it comes to the Bible.  God created the universe and the Earth in seven days. It says seven days in the Bible, so it means seven days. It also says that Noah and his wife and his children built an ark and loaded up 2* of every animal on Earth and survived the holocaust of a world-wide flood that destroyed the rest of the living creatures on Earth. No question about it.  The Bible says it, so it must be true.

(*Note: The Bible actually says at one point that Noah was to take 7 of every clean animal and 2 of every unclean animal.) 

Of course, by taking this view, they have to ignore the fact that scientific evidence takes a different tach on the history of the Earth.  Instead of being 6000 some odd years old, science seems to indicate that it is millions of years old. If that is true, does it negate any spiritual significance of the essence of the Bible? My personal opinion is that you can take the first part of Genesis (everything leading up to the introduction of Abraham) as allegorical and still not diminish the spiritual message. 

For it's part, the In Search Of... episodes covered here do not dispute that those events did not happen. In fact, in two of them, the focus is that the producers of the series are actually trying to find the location of the places mentioned in the Biblical passages (The Garden of Eden and Sodom and Gomorrah). In the third episode the theme is trying to determine whether or not a worldwide flood actually happened.

As the prologue of the series states: This series presents information in part in theory and conjecture. The producers purpose is to suggest some possible explanations, but not necessarily the only ones to the mysteries we will examine.  In essence, it meant that they were approaching each subject with an open mind, not giving credence to or disparaging any viewpoint. 

In Search Of... was a regular part of my life back in the late '70's.  As a young man in my late teens and early twenties I was fascinated by such things as cryptozoological creatures (Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster) and the possibility of extraterrestrials either coming to Earth or already here. (Still am, to some extent, although 40 to 50 years of not having been presented with incontrovertible evidence to prove such stuff has made me a bit more skeptical.)

In case you are interested, each section below includes the episode covered. 

In Search Of...

The Garden of Eden- (original airdate June 1, 1978):

Two people who got along pretty well until there came someone else to break up the relationship.

The episode opens with host Leonard Nimoy giving the standard background of the Biblical story of God casting out Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, then gives a teaser about a remote island that has one solitary tree growing on it.  The tree is called "The Tree of Life" by the natives.  Is this the tree of the Biblical legend?

For those of you not familiar with the Biblical Garden of Eden and it's supposed location, not to worry.  Host Lenard Nimoy gives a brief description.  There was a river flowing out of the Garden that created other rivers and these were the Tigris, the Euphrathes, the Pishon and the Gihon. The problem is, although we know today where the Tigris and the Euphrates are, the locations of the other two are not known: at least by the names listed in the narrative.

But scholars think the Gihon may have been the ancient name for the Nile. There are some ancient beliefs concerning the Nile.  According to history, the Egyptians thought of the Nile as a god.  If the Nile is indeed the Gihon in the Biblical legend, then it remains to be found only the Pishon.

Thus, the producers introduce the island nation of Bahrain.  Bahrain has been an oasis in a desert in more ways than one.  It is a land where pearls re as plentiful as dates, and an underground river provides water where for most of the area it is a rarity.  Could that underground river be the lost river Pishon?

As usual with In Search Of ..., the producers make no concrete statements, only suggestions of the possibilities.  And, of course, no trace of the Biblical Garden of Eden is presented at the end.  But that is the essence of the popularity in my mind of the series; just to get you thinking about those possibilities.

Noah's Flood- (original airdate February 8, 1979):

Noah has many other "contemporaries, but he got all the press.

Did the flood of the Bible actually happen?  And if it did where is the remains of this fantastic ship that did the trick of keeping the Earth populated after that? The Bible claims that God destroyed the Earth in order to wipe out the offending citizenry and start all over with one family.

The episode delves into scientific evidence that a flood may have happened. As Nimoy states in the opening sequence "no legend has survived as much skepticism". as such, there are interviews with detractors who are certain that the Earth is much older than Biblical historians would have you believe.

But there also so-called "Christian scientists", like Dr. Henry Morris, who believe that evidence exists that a worldwide Flood happened relatively recently (recently as in with the last 10,000 years).  Also delved into is an 1870 discovery of some old Cuneiform tablets that mention a man named Utnashpitim, who some believe may be another name for Noah.

In defense of the theory that the flood actually happened, the producers present the fact that nearly every culture in the world has it's own world wide flood narrative. Of course, as in the case of one Native American legend, the hero that saved mankind to repopulate the Earth did it with a canoe.  (That must've been one BIG canoe...)

The producers also present the fact that some wood was found at the top of Mount Ararat (the supposed resting place of the Ark, according to the Biblical legend) that was carbon dated to about 10,000 years ago, and it is wood not normally found in that region.

The episode ends with Nimoy stating that if the Ark were found tomorrow, believers would say I told you so, but skeptics would still dismiss it.  It remains a rather touchy subject, obviously...

Sodom & Gomorrah- (original airdate May 10, 1979):

And after that, Lot never asked anyone to "please pass the salt"...

The Biblical story of Sodom and Gomorrah is typical of the sometimes vindictive God as He is portrayed in the Old Testament. As previously noted in the second episode of this blog entry, He destroyed the entire world and started from scratch because the people would not live according to His precepts.  In the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, the wrath of the Creator once again reared it's ugly side and rained down fire and brimstone on two cities that were so morally corrupt they make Las Vegas look like a Bible camp.

There was an archaeological dig that went on for 12 years in a region near the Dead Sea that produced no real results, that is until the 13th year of the dig when a piece of the puzzle was unearthed that confirmed that Sodom and Gomorrah did indeed exist at one time.  But it's location remained a mystery.

One of the things that came out in the episode was a theory that a monumental earthquake could have produced the results that ended up with the dual cities' destruction.  And one of the theories presented was that maybe they were located very near the Dead Sea, but the evidence is now underwater.

Another legend among the bedouin tribes is that there is a pillar of salt near the region that locals believe is actually Lot's wife. According to the Biblical legend, God told Lot and his family to leave, and to not look back, but Lot's wife disobeyed and was turned into a pillar of salt for her indiscretion.

As usual the episode ends with no clear cut possibility to the solution, but then, that's what made In Search Of... so appealing. No answers one way or another, just speculations, leaving the viewer to make their own conclusions.

So I hope you enjoyed this look into potential solutions to mysteries that remain shrouded by the depths of history.  And maybe, just maybe, I piqued your interest enough to check out other episodes.

Quiggy  

 

Talladega Knights in a Daytona Daze

 

I gotta say, I am NOT a NASCAR fan.  Next to tennis I find car racing the most boring thing to watch in sports.  I mean, it's just a bunch of guys making left turns... sure, left turns at well over 150 mph, but still... Which makes me probably the only man in the south that changes the channel when NASCAR comes on the TV. So, Stroker Ace, should be something I would avoid... right?

Well, without Burt in the lead role, that might be true.  I still have never watched Days of Thunder or Talladega Nights (of course, the fact that I don't like Tom Cruise or Will Farrell movies is a factor there..) But that also means I have never watched any number of movies that centered on NASCAR as it's basis, including the ones that came out eulogizing Dale Earnhardt.

Stroker Ace has a lot going for it besides the racing however.  I mean... Burt... what can I say?

Despite Reynolds' popularity, especially among those of us who like he-man type heroes with a healthy dose of humor, I have to admit his movies have never been Oscar material. Of course, he did get a nomination for his role in Boogie Nights, but that wasn't a Burt Reynolds movie.

Stroker Ace came along in the early days of the Razzies awards.  If it had been around in the 70's I have no doubt that Burt Reynolds movies would have been in contention for the award.  I am enough of a realist to admit that they aren't exactly the best movies of the year.  But they did often manage to make money, and that is one of the main points for movies in the first place, isn't it?

As far as the Razzies, Stroker Ace got 5 nominations for the award: Worst Picture, Worst Director (Hal Needham), Worst Actress (Loni Anderson), Worst Supporting Actor (Jim Nabors) and Worst New Star (Loni again). It won only one of those (Jim Nabors), and somehow Burt missed out on getting nominated for Worst Actor... I guess John Wilson et. al. doesn't hate Reynolds as much as they hate Sylvester Stallone (who somehow gets on the Worst Actor list every year he puts out a movie,,,)

Besides the headlining stars of the movie, Reynolds along with Loni Anderson, Jim Nabors and Ned Beatty, there is a plethora of cameos by real NASCAR drivers (circa 1983) that you might recognize if you are a NASCAR fan from the time, or you might at least recognize their cars. Even me, as an avowed non-fan recognized Harry Gant's Skoal Bandit car (I did watch sports coverage on the news, after all, even if I never watched a race...)

Among those famous drivers who appear are Dale Earnhardt, Terry Labonte and Kyle and Richard Petty. And those are just the ones I could recognize.  There are quite a few others, including Benny Parsons, Tim Richmond and Ricky Rudd, all playing themselves. In addition there are a few well known announcers who guest cameo as themselves.

Stroker Ace (1985):

Some background is given at the beginning of the film. We see a young Stroker (Cary Guffey) and his childhood buddy, Doc (Hunter Bruce), coming back from play where Stroker has pretty much wrecked a bicycle trying to some stunts with it that one probably shouldn't do with a bicycle. The boys are picked up by Doc's dad, (Frank O. Hill), who is a moonshine runner.  Dad is chased by Feds and thus inspires Stroker to develop a love for racing.

Fast forward to present day. Stroker (Burt Reynolds) is racing to make the start time at a race (in a car with only three wheels...), with his mechanic, Lugs (Jim Nabors). Stroker is a free spirit who doesn't like following the rules, which puts him at odds with his current sponsor, Catty (Warren Stevens).  He ends up crashing early in the race and Catty, tired of Stroker's irrepressible attitude, fires him.

Stroker needs a sponsor to finance his racing, so he ends up taking on a sponsor who is pretty much as irresponsible as he is: Clyde Torkle (Ned Beatty), the owner of a fried chicken chain. the Chicken Pit. Signing a huge contract, without even reading it (it's big enough to give War and Peace a run for it's money in length),Stroker now has his sponsor.

But the contract requires Stoker to do a lot of stuff that he isn't entirely willing to do, including having his car decked out with the slogan  "Fastest Chicken in the South" and making commercials where he has to dress up as a giant chicken. 

Needless to say, Stroker is not entirely happy with his situation, but his contract is iron-clad and he has no legal out for the deal.

Stroker has one nemesis that rivals even his animosity towards his new boss: Aubrey James (Parker Stevenson). Often the race comes down to either Stroker or Aubrey winning a race. (And this despite the fact that there are some real-life NASCAR racers in the race...)

Aubrey drives the #10 car, and one of the best lines in the movie, for me,  is when Stroker is being interviewed by a sportscaster. When asked to sum up NASCAR in a few words, Stroker says:

"Go down to the end of the straightaway and turn left.  Unless you're #10. Then you turn right."

(Needless to say, Aubrey was not amused...)

But Stroker, if anything, is not one to just give up and go along with the flow. He starts doing things that are designed to embarrass Torkle enough to fire him. But Torkle is also not one to give up, and he takes everything that Stroker dishes out, because, after all, Stroker is his meal ticket to the big time; I.e. a nationwide status instead of just a regional chain.

Pembrook Feeny (Loni Anderson) is Torkle's marketing assistant and she tells Stroker he basically has to follow the rules.  Initially she is just interested in Stroker as a client.  She is a goody-goody, doesn't drink and is a virgin Sunday School teacher. so at the outset, Stroker, a ladies man, is at a loss as to how to get her to be another conquest in his side interest: that of bedding the next beautiful girl.

Stroker continues to race for Torkle while trying to figure out how to get out of his contract. Enter Doc (John Byner) who shows up with dad. Doc is now a wannabe actor. Thus Stroker and Doc and dad come up with a plan. Doc poses as an executive for Miller Brewing and makes an offer to buy out the Chicken Pit franchise, but with the stipulation that the deal will only go through if Torkle fires Stroker.

Torkle falls for the ruse hook, line and sinker.  But he tells Stroker that he will back out of the deal if Stroker becomes this year's NASCAR champion.  Stroker, whose ego is bigger than the national debt, has to make a choice: either win and be committed to stay with Torkle for the rest of the contract, or throw the race and lose.

There is only one problem with losing... if he loses it is likely that Aubrey will win. So the only way that he can win and still get out of the contract is if, somehow, he can get Torkle to officially fire him before the end of the race...

Hey, if you don't like Reynolds' typical character in comedies (and let's face, to be honest, his comedic roles were virtually the same), then this one is not going to be a top 10 movie.  Even Reynolds fans, for the most part, couldn't get on board.  It currently holds a 4.9 rating on IMDb, and if you know IMDb you know the fans can skew those ratings much higher than would normally be accorded it.  They certainly didn't come out in droves for it.  It only grossed a little les than $12 million on a $14 million budget... ouch.

The movie, needless to say was not a hit with the critics. It currently stands at 19% on the Tomato-meter, which to the uninitiated, only 19% of the reviews were favorable.  Roger Ebert, who may be one of the least likely people to like this kind of movie has one of the more humorous takes: "To call the movie a lightweight, bubble-headed summer entertainment is not criticism, but simply description".  Phhht, Roger!

I would not rank it in the top 20 of Reynolds movies, and I would probably go with Smokey and the Bandit or The Longest Yard before I would watch it, given the choice.  As far as racing movies, either Cannonball Run or Cannonball Run II are miles ahead of it.  But it is miles ahead of that corker Cop and a Half. And it's a bit better than City Heat (another target of Roger's snarky reviews..) 

This is one of those many movies I saw at a drive-in as opposed to in a walk-in theater, and, personally, when it comes to movies involving cars or motorcycles, I think a drive-in is the best venue. 

Well, folks, the old Plymouth is nowhere near in shape enough to compete in NASCAR.  Hell, it would probably break down if I even tried to get it up to 80, much less 180... But it is time to head home.  Drive safely. (Meaning don't try to pretend you are in a NASCAR race).

Quiggy

A Very Long Journey

 

This is my entry in the Adventure-a-thon, hosted by Realweegiemidget Reviews and Cinematic Catharsis

You know, one of the most intriguing questions I have ever had, about the movies I have made a hobby of reviewing, is this:

When Peter Jackson made his monumental trilogy of J. R. R. Tolkein's saga The Lord of the Rings, he divided it into, appropriately, three films, like the original published print version of the epic: (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King). OK, good enough. The epic print version, if found in one volume, totals in the neighborhood of 1200 pages. And if published in separate volumes, each book is between 350 to 450 pages.

That means each segment of the  LOTR movies is a 3 hour long encapsulation of a 400 page book.

So here's the question.  Why did it take three whole movies, each with running times equal to just one of the trilogy films, to film a book that, by comparison to just one of the trilogy books, is a pipsqueak? (Most copies of The Hobbit, barring any over-long odes and tributes by publishers, barely run over 300 pages). 

Of course, part of the answer is probably due to  that Jackson's previous success made him a darling in the finance department... 

"What's that, Pete? You want $750 million to make the prequel to LOTR? Oh, and you're going to divide into three films?  OK, Pete, how do you want that first third of the money, $20's? $50's?"

If you had seen the original trilogy beforehand, you knew what to expect from Jackson, as he had an excellent eye for the scope of the story. Not to mention the fact that his native New Zealand is a great fit as a location for Hobbiton and the Middle Earth. (I have no idea whether Tolkein himself had visited the country, but it is beautiful.)

Tolkein's  The Hobbit is often referred to as a "prequel", although I question that term, since the term "prequel" usually means a backstory to an already established story, and The Hobbit, as a novel, actually came out before The Lord of the Rings. So it wasn't actually a "prequel" by that definition. The story is about Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit living a life of sedate luxury (he apparently didn't need to work because he had inherited his father's estate). 

Into this idyllic life come Gandalf and a crew of 13 dwarves who are on a quest to regain their old homestead which had been stolen from them by a dragon.  Being superstitious, as well as needing a modicum of stealth that the hobbit can provide, they endeavor to bring Bilbo into the fold, (13 was an unlucky number even in the world of Middle-Earth). 

As far as the novel, as it was transferred to the movie, as with the previous trilogy, Jackson didn't do a lot of monkeying with the basic story.  There are some parts that are slightly out of sequence, and the appearance of Frodo at the beginning of the film, in which Bilbo's act of telling his background that leads into the movie proper brings on, is not a part of the original text.  Of course, this was more due to the fact that Jackson had filmed The Lord of the Rings first, whereas, as I stated earlier, The Hobbit novel came out several years prior to the trilogy.

There are several other discrepancies in the film, all of which I attribute to needing to connect to that previous trilogy. For instance, the appearance of Legolas. Legolas doesn't even make an appearance in the book.  He doesn't show up in Tolkein's work until The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Also not a character in the original novel is Azog.  Azog, in the chronology of the Middle-Earth history, had long been dead already. And Radagast the Brown is only mentioned in passing by Gandalf, although he has a fairly strong presence in the film.

In truth, none of the discrepancies takes away from the film. In fact, especially with Radagast, in my opinion, they add to the value. And it essentially creates a stronger story.  Also, there is no real pre-history of Smaug's arrival and destruction of the dwarf stronghold in the book, but adding a bit of background to the dwarf quest improves the ultimate film.

If you'd like to see a list of the nitpicking differences between novel and film, you can go here. The author of that article is not disparaging of the differences, for the most part, just pointing them out.  And in some cases, the author even praises a particular change.

So, how do the films hold up.  Well, not bad, if you ask me. As a matter of fact, even though I question the need for three films, I kind of like these three even more than the previous trilogy. A lot of that has to do with my enjoyment of Martin Freeman.  I first came across Freeman when I saw the BBC Sherlock TV series, in which he plays Dr. Watson alongside Benedict Cumberbatch's titular character. (Check out the link for an overview of that series. It's worth watching, I can tell you.) I later saw him in the film version of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and loved his portrayal of the perpetually lost and confused Arthur Dent.

Apparently Freeman was the only choice for director Jackson in the role of young Bilbo. (Ian Holm, who appeared as the older Bilbo in the LOTR trilogy, as well as here as an introduction to the story, would have been decidedly too old to play the younger version of Bilbo, despite the fact that hobbits live to extremely old age and thus have a longer span of adulthood.)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012):

The film, as previously stated, adds a prologue which appears to be some time prior to Frodo and the fellowship going off on their quest (see The Lord of the Rings). Old Bilbo (Ian Holm) is preparing for his birthday party but at the same time has decided to write down the story of his great adventure, when he was young, for Frodo.

The film quickly transitions to some 60 years prior, when Bilbo (Martin Freeman) is relaxing after his second breakfast. (Hobbits like to eat. A lot...) Onto the scene comes Gandalf (Ian McKellen), who has appeared to invite Bilbo on an adventure.

"An adventure? No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things.  Make you late for dinner." (Did I mention hobbits like to eat?)

Unfortunately for Bilbo, Gandalf will not be put off so easily.  So the next day Bilbo is inundated with a throng of unexpected company. Of dwarves. Hobbits like company, but they usually prefer to know they are coming in advance.

It turns out that Gandalf has promoted Bilbo to the dwarves as a first class burglar (and, not to mention, a good addition, since the dwarves are numbering 13, and everybody knows 13 is an unlucky number). Thorin and the rest of the dwarves on a journey to reclaim their homeland, Erebor, currently under the fire breath rule of Smaug, an ancient dragon.

 Despite Bilbo's insistence that he is not the adventurous type, eventually he gets roped into joining the dwarves troop, led by Thorin (Richard Armitage).  Albeit without his usual accoutrements when going out, including a handkerchief.

The first of many obstacles for Bilbo and Thorin and company appears early on.  This is the classic confrontation between three marauding trolls.  The trolls have come down from the mountains (a sign that something is amiss already since the trolls never come down from the mountain.) They have taken a couple of the troop's ponies and Bilbo, being their "burglar" is nominated to scope out the situation up close.  But not only is Bilbo captured, but so are the dwarves.

(And here is one of the changes that was made in the movie version.  In the novel Gandalf reappeared and caused the trolls to bicker using voice casting, but for the film the job essentially became Bilbo's job, as he delays the roasting of the dwarves by trying to give the trolls a cooking lesson. I wholeheartedly agree with those who claim this was a better change in the film...)

After defeating the trolls, the dwarves find out there is a treasure that the trolls have stashed, including a couple of legendary Elvish swords.  Thorin's racism against the Elves from his previous history comes to the fore, and he is about to toss aside the sword Gandalf has given him simply because it is of Elvish origin.  But Gandalf convinces him that would be bad.

On to the scene comes Radagast the Brown, a Middle-Earth version of a hippie, who prefers animals as friends.  But he has seen something that has caused him distress, mainly that there is a superior evil coming into Middle-Earth, in the form of a necromancer.

Gandalf and the dwarves are attacked by orcs and rush into a cave to escape.  On exploring the cave they find it exits into Rivendell, legendary home of Elves.  Thorin is a bit put off, since if he had his way they would never have even come within miles of Elves.  But Gandalf once again shows Thorin the error of his thinking since Elves can decipher some of the map that the dwarves themselves cannot.

During their visit Gandalf has to confront Saruman (Christopher Lee), the top dog wizard of the realm, who informs him that his and the dwarves journey is not approved.  This despite the fact that Gandalf reveals the information that Radagast gave him about the rise of a necromancer. 

Gandalf and crew head on, but are caught in the middle of a battle of stone giants (and an aside: this scene plays out MUCH better on a big screen than it does on a tiny 55" TV...) The crew seek shelter from the battle in a cave, but they are all captured by goblins. "All" except Bilbo, who somehow gets separated.

But Bilbo is not better off than his friends because he meets up with Gollum (Andy Sirkis). Gollum is a weaselly little skunk of a man who has been living in the cave for a long time.  And as a result, eats anything he can find.  Including goblins and orcs. He has never tried hobbit, however. (Sounds a bit like a guy after my own heart in that respect... "What's this? Frog legs? OK, I'll give it a go...) 

Bilbo, for his part, doesn't want to become dinner, so he falls into a riddle battle with the creature. The end of the bet is when one of them can't answer the other's riddle.  If Bilbo wins, Gollum has to lead him out of the cave.  But if Bilbo loses...?  (Well, what do you think?)

Of course, Bilbo wins, but Gollum has no intention of fulfilling his part of the bargain.  He goes looking for his "precious", which turns out to be a ring that turns him invisible.  A ring that he lost a little earlier in the scene and Bilbo found. Bilbo discovers the magic of the ring, which is it's invisibility ability,  by accident and escapes the cave, where he hooks up with Thorin and the rest.

But out of the frying pan and into the fire as they say.  The entourage is attacked by a horde of orcs and wargs (giant wolves).  They manage to get into the trees, but this turns out to not be the best escape route.  But just as defeat is almost on them, the band is rescued by a crew of giant eagles that Gandalf summoned.  The eagles take them to safety, and while scoping out where they are, they see, off in the distance, The Lonely Mountain, home of Erebor, their ultimate quest.

Bilbo: "I do believe the worst is behind us."

(Wanna bet?)

Thus ends part 1 of The Hobbit.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013):

Taking up where The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey left off, Bilbo and company are still on their journey, but there is a brief prelude. This involves Thorin meeting with Gandalf for the first time in Bree. Thorin has been searching for his father, who, despite rumors having died, Thorin thinks is still alive. Gandalf has a quest for Thorin: to retake the ancient realm of Erebor.

Fast forward to the present.  As the end of the previous film indicated, the crew are in the foothills with the Lonely Mountain in the distance.  But they have a problem. Orcs are on the prowl for them and they are severely outnumbered. Gandalf leads them to a house he knows of nearby, inhabited by a reclusive shape changer, Beorn (Mikael Persbrandt). 

Beorn hates dwarves, but he hates orcs more, so he decides to help them by giving them some ponies to use to reach Mirkwood, a forest on the edge of the foothills. Here Gandalf makes them go on foot into this creepy forest.  Bilbo, among others, is very wary of it, and it turns out his premonition is right. While in the woods the entire clan is taken captive by giant spiders (and, forewarning, if you are watching with the kids, you might be in for a few nightmares...)

The company is rescued by Legolas (Orlando Bloom) and Tauriel (Evageline Lilly) and a band of wood elves.  All except Bilbo, of course, who keeps using that ring, and has disappeared again.

These wood elves are not entirely sympathetic characters, because Thorin's band find themselves captives instead of compadres.  While in captivity a few things occur, one of which is an attraction between Kili (Aidan Turner) and Tauriel. Thorin has especial reason to hate this particular band of elves because, if you remember from the previous film, Thranduil (Lee Pace) and his band of elves stayed out of the fight when Smaug attacked the dwarf stronghold.

The elves, having made the dwarves their prisoners, have no intention of setting them free.  Especially after Thorin has expressed in no uncertain terms, of his refusal to share the treasure that Smaug is hoarding.  (I mean, after all, why should Thorin share treasure that he would rightfully gain?)

But the fly in the ointment is Bilbo, who using the ring, manages to get the keys to the dwarves' cells and free them.  His plan is to send them down the  river, hiding them in barrels that were originally intended to send wine down river to Lake-town. But before they get there, they will have to deal with a renegade smuggler named Bard (Luke Evans). 

 As Bard intimates, Lake-town has some rules about incoming people.  No one can enter without the blessing of the ruler of the town. But, Bard, though a mercenary, knows which side of the money his bread is buttered on, and for a fee he agrees to smuggle the crew into Lake-town via an alternate route. Once there, they demand the weapons he has promised in exchange for their gold.  But these weapons are apparently not up to snuff for the dwarves.  They make plans instead to hit up the armory where good dwarvish made weapons are stored. But they are caught in the act.

The company, however, gets the blessing of the Master of the city after a rousing speech by Thorin to make the town get back to it's rich glory. (And he originally disparaged the dwarves for THEIR greed...?) But not all of the company are going on.  Kili, who was wounded by a poisoned orc arrow, is forced to stay behind, and his brother opts to stay with him.

While the dwarves are on their way to the secret door that will let them in, Gandalf is meanwhile searching the ancient Dol Guldur, seeking the necromancer, Sauron (voiced by Benedict Cumbrerbatch). His struggle against Sauron may even rival that of the dwarves when they eventually hook up with Smaug (incidentally ALSO voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch).

When the dwarves finally get to the mountain they still have to get inside. The ancient map says when the last light of Durin's Day shines on the wall the keyhole will be revealed. but the sun sets on the dwarves without revealing it,  But then again, as anyone knows, the sun is not the only source of light... When they finally get the door open, Bilbo learns that his purpose on this quest was to enter the Dragon's lair and retrieve the Arkenstone, the one jewel that means more to the right of rule by the dwarves than anything else.

Bilbo enters alone (of course), but there is a buttload of treasure, and he doesn't even know what he is looking for.  His main goal is to search without waking Smaug. (Good luck with that... That ring might just come in handy at some point...)

The company of dwarves enter the cavern to help Bilbo, where they manage rekindle an ancient forge, hoping to bury Smaug in molten gold.  But he is not defeated so easily.  And boy, is he pissed... He takes flight to destroy the nearby Lake-town. Leaving Bilbo to look on and muse...

"What have we done?"

And thus ends part 2 of The Hobbit

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014):

In the concluding film of the three part series, Smaug is on a rampage.  You think you know :revenge"? Smaug has a better clarification of the word... The scene opens with Lake-town preparing for the oncoming dragon.  And, of course, the Master, being the essence of self-centered, is trying to save his own hide... and of course, the gold.

"But sire, should we not try to save the town?"

"The town is lost! Save the gold!"

The Master and his toadies are evacuating and it is suggested they could take some of the people with them.. "But they're hardly worth it..."  (Boy, if there is anyone, besides Smaug, you are rooting against, it would have to be the Master...)

Bard is locked away in the dungeon. While the rest of the town is in full scale panic Bard has enough wits about him to try to escape the dungeon. Once free he does not try to evacuate with the rest.  He grabs his arrows, but of course the only thing that can actually kill Smaug is a specially made black arrow. He makes his way to the top of one of the city's tower. But is arrows are useless.  Until his son brings him the only remaining black arrow.

(See, in an early portion of the trilogy, it was stated that the last time Smaug showed up, a small chink in it's scales was created.  This place exposes the body of the dragon and the ONLY way it can be killed.)

And thus Smaug is defeated.  End of movie.

Not so fast. There's more to come... (What? You thought the third movie was only going to last 12 minutes?)

There is still a lot of trouble ahead. A lot. Remember the Necromancer, Sauron?  He still lives, and the dragon only represented one pawn in his chess game.

Back in Lake-town, everyone learns that Bard is the one who defeated the dragon and a cry goes up to make him the new king.  But it is not a position that Bard wants.  Reluctantly he becomes the leader of the town since there is no one to lead them, but he wants to shy away from the regal position.

Meanwhile, back at Erebor, there is trouble afoot.  Thorin has all this gold, but the only treasure that really matters to him is the Arkenstone and he sets all of his dwarf companions to look for it.  Searching Bilbo would be the best bet, since he actually found it and is currently hiding it.  But it becomes apparent that greed has seeped it's way into Thorin's heart.  Nothing will satisfy that greed except the Arkenstone.

But greed is not the only trouble brewing. An army of orcs is on the horizon.  And more orcs are being assembled.  Their plan is to take Erebor and the Lonely Mountain and destroy every living creature in their way, be they men or elves or dwarves (no special dispensations here...) 

Meanwhile, in Dol Guldur, where Gandalf is being held captive there is a bit of rescue in the works.  Radagast and Galadriel and Saruman have shown up to free the prisoner.  One magician against an orc horde may be a wee bit of a case of being outnumbered, but against four powerful beings.  I'd say the orcs have their goals overwhelmed. But Gandalf, having been rescued says he must proceed to Erebor to warn them "the battle for the mountain is about to begin."

Thorin may not quite care, since he still seeks the Arkenstone. Bilbo is told that if the Arkenstone were found it would not make Thorin's greed abate, it would definitely worsen the situation, so for the moment he keeps it hidden.

The survivors of Lake-town return to the ancient town of Dale, and they discover that the dwarves survived Smaug... and now have a buttload of gold.  (It seems that greed is not in the sole ownership of dwarves...) Not only them. Into the fray come the wood elves. They too desire part of the treasure, but really, only that part which was theirs in the first place... But they are willing to assault the dwarven stronghold to get it, since they apparently believe it will not be given to them freely.

Gandalf tries to warn the elves and the men of Lake-town, who are preparing for a siege of Erebor that there is a greater threat on the horizon, an orc army, seeking the Lonely Mountain for their own purposes.  Not for it's gold, but for it's strategic position for an assault on the lands beyond.  see, their master, Sauron has a greater goal in mind, that of complete control of Middle-Earth (and of course, the entire world after that...)

Bilbo, being the only rational mind besides Gandalf, has a plan to prevent war.  He takes the Arkenstone to the elf lord in order to try. His plan is for them to use it to exchange with Thorin that which they ultimately are seeking; their due share of the treasure.  

But will it work? Probably not... Thorin is so angry with Bilbo that he tries to kill him.  But Bilbo's life is once again saved.  Thorin's desire for war rather than give up any of his gold is about to come to fruition... 

An army of dwarves arrive to help defend Erebor. A war is imminent. But just at the beginning here come the orcs. You think it could get any worse? 

The epic battle that follows rivals any of the great war epics of old, or of even today. The valiant dwarves dive in first, but the men, though running for the town, end up in their own battle to save the town.  And then, finally, the wood elves, who way back at the beginning had declined to help the dwarves in their battle to save Erebor from Smaug, join in the fray.

Meanwhile, back at Erebor, Thorin's greed still has a strong hold.  He will not give up his gold, even if it means abandoning his own dwarf kin outside the mountain.  But salvation is nigh.  After hallucinations make him realize that an evil greed has taken him over, he manages to find the strength to shed it and do what is right (no political comparisons to leaders of the present day, here, however. I've always tried to keep current politics out of this blog...)

Eventually, of course, as it absolutely HAS to be in such tales, good triumphs over evil.  But not without it's own losses.  Several characters we have come to know and even love have to give their lives to help the ultimate battle reach it's final destiny.  The film does end with triumph however, and some good news.  Of course, if you saw the beginning of the film, and since his story is the basis for the adventure we have been watching, Bilbo does survive to the end.  And we know he will be the beginning of another adventure (one that one day I hope to include here on this blog: The Lord of the Rings.)

Well, folks, that ends this epic and unexpected journey.  Now it's time for the "expected" journey... home. See you next time.

Quiggy

Spinoff Hell

 

For every The Jeffersons (which was a spinoff from All in the Family) or Laverne and Shirley (which was a spinoff of Happy Days) there are numerous spinoffs that failed to connect with the TV viewing public. 

Sometimes they were vain efforts to try to keep a series running after the departure of one or more of the primary actors from a fan favorite. Sanford and Son lost both it's stars (Redd Foxx and Demond Wilson), but tried to keep the series running as Sanford Arms, and even managed to keep some of the beloved secondary characters around to make it SEEM like a continuation of the series. LaWanda Page (Aunt Esther), Whitman Mayo (Grady) and Don Bexley (Bubba) returned as characters on the show, but the attempt was a dismal failure, managing only to air four of the 8 filmed episodes before it was cancelled.

And the makers of  Three's Company tried to keep their hands in the pie with Three's A Crowd, which featured Jack Tripper (John Ritter) continuing his character as a chef, but now married with an annoying father-in-law. (At least they tried to keep it somewhat fresh... It could've fallen into that tired old cliche of an annoying mother-in-law...) But that too failed to keep the old show running.

Other times, favorite recurring characters were given their own shows in an attempt to cash in on their popularity.  The aforementioned Grady (above) from Sanford and Son got his own solo effort, but it also was dumped after only a few episodes.  Marla Gibbs' Florence (the maid on The Jeffersons) made a brief stab at it with Checking In, and Joannie Loves Chachi tried to cash in on the subsidiary characters from Happy Days, but once again, the cachet of the characters on the original series never managed to draw an audience. Probably one of the least well received was when Enos Slaughter (bumbling deputy on The Dukes of Hazzard) got a try to be a big city cop in Los Angeles, which didn't go well (not only in the fictional T.V. world, but in the real T.V. audience world).

Some of the spinoffs were worth their salt, to be sure, despite not having a very receptive audience, in my opinion. Or maybe it's just a flight of fancy.... I personally wish The X Files spinoff, called The Lone Gunman could have found an audience, but perhaps it was just TOO close to the themes expressed in it's parent TV show.

Sometimes the Hollywood bigwigs came up with some fairly bizarre spinoffs, however.  How many different attempts were there to find a new niche for The Brady Bunch? The producers ditched the sappy happy-go-lucky sitcom gig in favor of a sappy happy-go-lucky variety show with The Brady Bunch Hour (yes "hour"...as if 30 minutes of that shmaltz wasn't enough...) Probably just as bad: A TV movie that turned into an ill-fated series. Marcia and Jan Brady are now married (not to each other, you sicko...) and the result was The Brady Brides. 

Saturday morning cartoons were always a mish mash of new material as well as attempts to cash in on current TV and movie popularities. Some of them were halfway decent. Mister T (an attempt to cash in on the popularity actor Mr. T of Rocky III and The A-Team fame) was not entirely bad.  And taking popular movies like Ghostbusters and Beetlejuice and making a kid's cartoon series may have been acceptable. How they were able to tone down the ultra-violent John Rambo of First Blood enough to make it a kiddie cartoon is another question entirely. (Can't say, since I haven't screened even one episode...)

But I did screen today's blog entry's show.  In the early 80's executives took some still popular characters from a TV show, Happy Days, and put them in one of the most bizarre situations I have ever run across. (And you KNOW, if you've been a long-time reader, I have seen some pretty bizarre stuff...)  The show was titled The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang (just so you wouldn't forget the show's inspiration...)

There is a episode 1 in the series, but for some reason the producers didn't bother with such passe' things like an origin story.  Instead of a long drawn out episode explaining how the 1957 gang of The Fonz and Richie and Ralph got into the predicament that was the driving force of the episodes (they are trapped in a faulty time machine with an alien girl named Cupcake), the producers just opted to have Wolfman Jack (a 60's icon disc jockey) narrate a quick minute and a half prologue which supposedly encapsulated their situation. (but, to be honest, leaves you as clueless as when you started.)

Note: The intro, transcribed below, may not be entirely accurate. I tried to find a transcription online but was unsuccessful so I had to resort to trying to hear what the Wolman is saying over the theme music.  

"We got it all together now, gang. The Fonz! His dog is named Mr. Cool. And the good group. One freaky time machine and a future chick named Cupcake. Oh, and now the gang got zapped into that time machine and their like traveling to Oz (?). My, my! They do not dig where that time machine is going, but they sure hope to get back to 1957 Milwaukee! Can you dig it?"

The essence of the story: An alien girl (or is she a human girl from the future? hard to tell...), by the name of Cupcake(?), voiced by Didi Conn, is travelling through time, when her spaceship/time machine breaks down and ends up in 1957, conveniently near Arnold's (the drive-in from the TV show). The Fonz is able to do his magic with his elbow nudge and get it going again.  But somehow, (it wasn't explained in that opening), the Fonz and his friends, Richie and Ralph Malph (but not Potsie, for some reason...) end up in the time machine with Cupcake.  Oh, and a talking dog named Mr. Cool. (Really!)

The series was apparently meant to introduce kids to history. The time machine (much like the device that transported Dr. Sam Beckett in Quantum Leap) is of such a random nature that they never know what time period they will end up in next. In the first episode, presumably because dinosaurs are always a hot topic for kids, the gang wind up in prehistoric times.  There they not only have to deal with brontosaurs and T-Rexes, but also with a band of cavemen, who want to make Ralph Malph their king.

The series never got a conclusion (it only lasted barely two seasons), but in essence, they are always trying to get back home to 1957 Milwaukee, but like the aforementioned Dr. Beckett, they are constantly arriving at another point in history that is decidedly NOT 1957.  At one point they even end up in the future. Cupcake has some ability to perform magic of her own (which begs the question, if she had magic powers, why couldn't she use them to make that damn time machine work right...?)

Over the course of the series they often got to deal with historic (and fictionally historic) figures, including Blackbeard (the pirate), Cleopatra, and even help Sherlock Homes.  Whether any of the episodes are historically accurate ("historically accurate" that is, if you take out the presence of the time interlopers) is debatable.  But what the hell, if this series caused any impressionable young men and women to pursue history in their later years, you can't dismiss the series entirely.

The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang came on the scene long after my own years of cartoon fandom.  It premiered in 1980, by which time I had graduated high school and was pursuing college curriculum (which, BTW, was actually history...).  Being far over the childhood stage, I completely missed it on TV.  But I may have actually watched it if I had known it was on just because of the history aspect.  Watching it now, it's decidedly very ridiculous, but is it any more ridiculous than The Time Tunnel? The Time Tunnel was basically a precursor to Quantum Leap, in which, like the later Dr. Beckett, the two main characters are caught in a never-ending time travel loop, never really sure where they will end up next.

It looks like most of the episodes of this show are available online, so you don't have to take my word for it how bizarre the show actually was. Google it if you dare.

Tune in again next time, folks.

Quiggy.