Risque Happenings

 

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This is my entry in the Seventh Broadway Bound Blogathon hosted by Taking Up Room

 

 "Rumors spreadin' 'round

In that Texas town

About that shack outside La Grange.

(You know what I'm talking about.)

Just let me know

If you wanna go

To that home out on the range.

(They got a lot of nice girls there.) 

  Lyrics to "La Grange" by Z Z Top

It was featured in a movie.  Before that it was in a hit Broadway play.  Before that it was paid homage by a boogie band from Texas, Z Z Top (see above).

And before that it was a REAL place. 

"The Chicken Ranch", as it was known, operated from the early 1900's until 1973. Quite a bit of the folklore behind the actual place became a part of the play (and subsequent movie) that was eventually produced.  Local constabulary were indeed involved in keeping the place open and there was also a crusader, Marvin Zindler, who was behind it's eventual closing, in 1973.

Vintage icon

 

The historian (and general "in your face" provocative person) in me thinks the place ought to have been made a state treasure and kept as a historical site. To his credit, the owner has been trying to get a historical marker for the site. The building itself is in such disrepair that it's nothing to look at. Part of it was used to build a bar in Dallas and the rest is in shambles.

Breaks the heart, don't it?

The city of La Grange would like to have visitors come for more than just the "less than reputable" historical site, but there are some memorabilia available on their city website which feature "The Chicken Ranch" on it, so it's not exactly like they are trying to sweep the past under the carpet.

Shop La Grange  (just in case you're interested...)

In 1978 a Broadway musical was produced based on the place and the events surrounding it's eventual closing, written by Peter Masterson and Larry L. King (no relation to Larry King, the radio talk show guy, as far as I know...).  The name of the town was changed from La Grange to a fictional town of Gilbert, but the story was basically the story behind the real place. 

In the play, Miss Mona and the local sheriff, Ed, kept the place running on the up-and-up (so to speak), but pressure from an investigative journalist, Melvin Thorpe, caused the place to come under scrutiny. And eventually causes it to have to close down.

The play garnered some Tony Award attention. (The Tony Awards are the Oscar equivalent for Broadway shows.) It won Best Actor and Best Actress (for Henderson Forsythe and Delores Hall, respectively).  It was also nominated in the categories of Best Musical, Best Book of a Musical (the story), Best Direction and Best Choreography.

In 1982, the play was produced as a film, with Dolly Parton as Miss Mona and Burt Reynolds as Ed, with Dom DeLuise as the crusading Melvin. The movie also added a new song (which wasn't exactly "new", as Dolly Parton had first recorded it years earlier) "I Will Always Love You" (later to be recorded by Whitney Houston for The Bodyguard). Note: I always thought "Hard Candy Christmas" was an original Dolly song, too, due to the fact that her version is the one I always hear, but it turns out that it was written for the original musical.

The film version had the production team of Miller-Milkis-Boyett. Who are they, you might  be asking (especially if you don't pay attention to the credits)?  Well, under various incarnations of those three we got a plethora of TV shows of the past.  Those three together were behind the Tom Hanks / Peter Scolari TV show Bosom Buddies. But under Miller-Milkis, we got Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley and Mork Mindy. And under the Miller-Boyett production label we got Family Matters, Full House (and Fuller House), Perfect Strangers and Step By Step. Surely you've seen one or more of those. (Of course they also gave us Joanie Loves Chachi , but don't hold that against them.) 

This time around, the story was not quite the boffo event that the play had been.  It only made about double it's budget back in ticket sales. Impressive, maybe, but that's only $69 million against a $35 million budget. Musicals, by the early 80's, had become passe', so it's not entirely surprising. I went to see it in it's original theatrical release (mainly for the story; even then I wasn't big on musicals.) But there was also another reason...

Dolly at 36

 

(Hey, what were you expecting from a 20 year old [at the time] male?) 

The movie did garner some notice in the awards community.  Charles Durning as the Governor got a nod for Best Supporting Actor at the Oscars.  And the Golden Globes committee gave noms for the picture and Dolly for Best Picture and Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical. 

 

No. I'm serious... 36...

It was rated R, of course.  I mean, what were you expecting in a movie about a whorehouse? Eight course dinners? But there are no overtly explicit scenes in it.  Of course, late in the movie there is a raid on the place and many in attendance are caught in flagrante delicto. But it's pretty tame for the most part.  Of course, you wouldn't want to watch it with the young 'uns in the room, but if I have to warn you of that, you didn't read the title of the movie...

So, was it a good film?  Read on.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982):

Note on the pictures: If the caption has "" on it, the caption is the title of the song being sung in the scene.

The film opens with a shocker.  Deputy Fred looks through an old -fashioned stereoscope and then turns and breaks down the fourth wall and addresses you, the viewer:

 

It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw

And if you can get past Gomer Pyle touting a house of ill repute, you 're halfway home...

The background is told about the original madam and the original sheriff, both of whom moved the base of operations from the back of the town feed store to a place on the outskirts of town.  And through two world wars, and thick and thin, the place managed to survive.  With sometimes other ways of paying the piper when money was tight. Which included trading chickens for services (thus explaining how the place became know as "The Chicken Ranch"... cute, huh?)

"20 Fans"

The action moves to present day (1973), where the whole plot takes place.  The original madam has passed away, leaving the house and it's environs to Miss Mona (Dolly Parton) who runs the house, with the blessing of the town sheriff, Ed Earl Dodd (Burt Reynolds), where everything is under control by Mona, keeping the place on the up-and-up (more or less).

"Little Bitty Pissant Country Place"

Mona and Ed have a romantic relationship outside of the professional relationship, even though Ed sometimes gets on Mona's nerves, due to his unwillingness to actually be romantic about it. And at this point we get Dolly and Burt (Burt sings???) singing about their relationship.

"Sneakin' Around"

The get together is interrupted by Deputy Fred who tells Ed earl that the mayor is looking for him. Business before pleasure... Trouble is brewing.  The mayor (Raleigh Bond) and town bigwig C. J. (Barry Corbin) inform Ed that a Houston news personality, Melvin P. Thorpe, who has an expose' program called The Watchdog Report, is planning an expose' on the Chicken Ranch.  Not exactly the kind of publicity that the town wants. (although it's intimated in the beginning that the existence of the place is already a known quantity, so you'd think it wasn't that big a deal).

But Ed decides to take matters in his own hands and goes to Houston to take care of the "little peckerwood". Melvin (Dom DeLuise) is not a man to shy away from controversy, especially if it means ratings.  Despite Ed's polite democratic chat, Melvin goes on the air anyway.

"Texas Has a Whorehouse in It!"

And that ain't the worst of it.  Melvin takes his show on the road and sets up a live broadcast in front of the county courthouse.  But he may have bit off more than he can chew as Ed runs his oversized butt out of town, with a few choice words to go with him.  But then again, maybe Ed misjudged the power of an egotistical self-righteous publicity hunter like Melvin P. Thorpe.

Ed and Mona go out camping and (Product placement warning) drink Schlitz beer.  Now, why, in God's name, are they not drinking Lone Star?  It is Texas, after all... oh, well...  Anyway, that night Melvin runs the video of Ed chewing him out. Shoulda been a little more discreet, there, Ed.

The city leaders convince Ed to have Mona shut down the place for a couple of months until the storm blows over and Mona agrees.  But she forgot about the annual celebration.  See, after every year's Texas / Texas A&M football game the seniors of the winning team get treated to a party at the Chicken Ranch.  And we can't be breaking tradition, what would we be if we broke tradition...? Savages, that's what!

So she goes back on her promise, but it's only going to be for the football celebration, so things should go all right if she waits until tomorrow. And with A&M the victors, the team is highly anticipating their celebration.

"The Aggies Song"

(Just a side note: it's supposed to be a winning present but it's also supposed to be only the seniors. If that's the case, then when this class graduates, A&M may have trouble next year... Because it looks like the whole team is in attendance.)

And, of course, as luck would have it, the Watchdog crew goes through town on it's way out to the Ranch.  And Fred gives Ed the bad news.  Miss Mona is not closed down entirely. Melvin and his crew arrive and take pictures which includes one of the district's Senator (Robert Mandan). Ed arrives just a little too late to put out the fire before it starts. Mona and Ed have some harsh words, and he leaves. 

He leaves town to go to Austin to discuss the situation with the governor. And finally, an hour and 20 minutes into the movie we finally get to see The Governor (Charles Durning).  

"The Sidestep"

Why do I say finally?  Because Durning was nominated for Best Supporting Actor at that year's Oscars.  While admittedly there have been nominees with less screen time in a film (his on screen time only amounts to about 10 minutes, 6 of which is his song and dance number...), I would hazard a guess that it was the latest in a movie for one of those who garnered that nomination to make their appearance.  (And, BTW,  I'm not going to speculate on who SHOULD have won. Louis Gossett, Jr actually took the award for An Officer and a Gentleman, but also in the running were Robert Preston for Victor/Victoria, John Lithgow for The World According to Garp and James Mason for The Verdict. Based on those, I'm guessing that Durning was possibly lucky if he came in fourth in the voting.)

Ed tries to get the Governor to use his power to keep the place open, but being a politician, he refuses to do anything before knowing which way the wind blows. Once he gets the results of a poll that has a majority in favor of closing it, however, he tells Ed he has to shut it down.

Ed calls to break the bad news to Mona, who has to break the news to her girls.  And she finds out about Ed's trip to Austin to try to get the Governor's help in keeping it open.

"Hard Candy Christmas"

The ending of the movie has Ed showing up and repairing the damage as best he can.  He tells Mona he wants to marry her.  Mona, for her part, tells Ed he would be better off, since he has a future in politics, to do without being married to a former prostitute.

"I Will Always Love You"

But Ed is nothing if not determined. He takes Mona's stuff off the truck she had packed to leave town and throws it in his own truck.  And they drive off into the sunset.

So it occurs to me that this movie quite possibly could be rated as a "romantic comedy". If so, it is one more in a very relative few in that genre that I like.

If you made it this far into the review, and haven't decided it offends your sensibilities, I'm going to leave you with a final few tidbits of trivia. All courtesy of IMDb, so take them as you will, depending on your trust in the authenticity of the site:

First, the part of Ed Earl went to Burt, but there were several others who had been considered for the part including Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson and Gene Hackman.  Miss Mona had her own list of candidates, including Crystal Gayle and Barbara Mandrell. And by the way, does anybody else besides me think Lois (Dulcie Mae) Nettleton looks a lot like Mandrell? I actually though she was until I watched the credits...

And also, in the role of The Governor, Mickey Rooney was considered.  It was Burt himself who suggested that Charles Durning be given a shot at the role.

At the end of the movie Burt picks up Dolly and carries her to his truck.  He supposedly suffered a double hernia as a result.

Despite the prurient subject matter, this movie is a fun movie to watch. 

Really... 36!!!

Well, folks, time to get the old Plymouth on down the road.  I'm going straight home.  Really.  I am NOT going to route a detour through some little pissant country place.  Honest!

Quiggy

Disney in Space (and Cyberspace)

 

 

 

 

 

This is my entry in the 100 Years of Disney blogathon hosted by Silver Screnes.

 

Like just about every kid (or every American kid, at least), I grew up in an age where my first experiences with movies was Disney movies.  Movies like Bedknobs and Broomsticks for live action films, and 101 Dalmatians for cartoons were the bread and butter of my movie going experiences. I still recall seeing both of those in the theater (101 Dalmatians must have been a re-release, however since it's original premiere predates my being old enough to experience it).

For years, that was all I was allowed to go see.  There is a story somewhere else on this blog that my parents took my sister and me to see Patton and my father took such an offense to the foul language in it that he refused to allow us to go to anything rated above G afterwards, which pretty much eliminated anything BUT Disney movies. It took a huge amount of pleading to get my father to let my sister and I go see Star Wars. But we did get to that.

So I got to see a LOT of Disney movies, but by the time I was 15 I started to rebel against the strictures of limitations. It took another 10 years or so before I would even consider those cheesy happy-go-lucky movies.  But beginning in the late 70's Disney started  delving into more adult focused themes.  Not sure if The Black Hole was the first, but it was pretty close.

I was still at that age where I didn't have the autonomy to choose my own path when The Black Hole came out (it was rated PG, so it was still off limits by my father's standards, despite it being a Disney movie), but by the time Disney released Tron I had the power to choose my own entertainment.  It was years before I finally got to see The Black Hole, but Tron was one of the first in my new independent life. Nowadays Disney is not just limited to cartoons and animal movies, because some of its subsidiaries are releasing some various adult movies. (Witness what you can see under the Touchstone umbrella...)

 

 

 

 Tron: (1982): 

Tron was state-of-the-art back in 1982.  Although the movie still holds up well these days, 40 years down the road the graphics come off as a little dated,  But one of the memories I have is playing the Tron video game at the arcade.  

 

 

 

The movie (and video game) featured some astounding special effects, such as the lightcycle.  Those of you who are younger probably don't even know what an arcade is. These were prevalent across the United States and elsewhere until the rise of really good home entertainment systems.  You used to have to go to a central location where you invested quarters (sometimes, at least in my case, 10s of dollars in quarters) to play stand-up consoles featuring games like Pac-Man (which I KNOW you've heard of) and other games.  The malls (another dying place from those days) always had one place like that.  In my case it was called The Gold Mine.

The movie itself involved a man named Flynn (Jeff Bridges), a former employee of a computer company called ENCOM. 

 

 

 Flynn spends his days running a video game arcade and in his spare time trying to hack into the ENCOM computer system to find information that will help him prove that the head of ENCOM, Dillinger (David Warner) stole his ideas for several video games and used them to maneuver himself to the top of ENCOM's ladder.

 

As such, when Dillinger shuts down high-level access to the mainframe computer, Flynn's friends still working at ENCOM, Alan (Bruce Boxleitner) and Lora (Cindy Morgan) go to Flynn to warn him that Dillinger is on to him.  And so is the Master Control Program in the computer system.

The real villain in the piece is the Master Control Program (hereafter called MCP).  The MCP started out as just a glorified chess program, but somehow has been able to garner more and more power until it is essentially able to manipulate the system (and his subordinate, Dillinger, in the process).

When Flynn tries to access the information that proves that Dillinger is guilty the MCP uses some technology developed by Lora and her partner, Dumont (Barnard Hughes) to digitize Flynn and convert him to a computer program in the system. (Yeah, OK, there is a tremendous amount of suspension of disbelief required for this film).

Inside the system, Sark (who is Dillinger's representative in the computer world) is commanded by the MCP to put Flynn in the games.  The games are a way of destroying computer programs who refuse to renounce their belief in the Users. Side note: there is an underlying religious theme here.  Consider the Users to be representatives of the gods, or God, if you will. What the MCP, who represents the Devil, is trying to do is to get the computer world society to renounce their belief in the gods (God).  Any who do not are sentenced to play in the games. And defeat in the games results in de-resolution. Elimination from existence, in other words.

 

 

 

In the computer world Flynn teams up with Tron, a computer program written by Alan in order to defeat the MCP and free the world from it's influence.  Every character in the real world has it's representative as a computer program in the computer world, so we even get Lora and Dumont in the system.

One of the distracting parts of this film is the occasionally blooper that was left in (probably because the budget wouldn't allow re-shoots). That is when the occasional character refers to the MCP as the "MPC" And I consider it a blooper because on other occasions the same character calls it the MCP correctly, so it's not like it's a character mistake.

Anyway, the movie virtually steals many things from Star Wars. I won't go into detail of these, but if you watch you will catch them. The major one is when Sark's ship overtakes the smaller ship being piloted by Flynn and Tron and Lora.  It looks so much like the opening of Star Wars it's unavoidable.

Ultimately Tron and Flynn end up in a battle with the Emperor (I mean the MCP) and get to free the computer world from its influence.

The plot still holds up, as I said before, but the graphics seem dated.  If you can get over that, you will enjoy the story at any rate.

The Black Hole (1979):

 The movie begins with a spaceship already investigating the black hole (why waste time with a prologue of how we got to this point, when you can do it with dialogue between characters?  Kudos, Disney).

Anyway, the ship, the Palomino, which is commanded by Capt. Holland (Robert Forster), has discovered a ship that appears to be unaffected by the black hole. (It should be being drawn into the immense gravitational forces of the hole, yet is in a stationary form.)

 

 

 

A side note to explain exactly what a black hole is:  It is a region of space that is the product of a collapsed star that creates a hole in space and draws all objects in it's vicinity into it because of the immense gravity it generates.  In theory it can draw entire solar systems into it.  What is on the other side of the black hole can only be conjectured since nothing apparently can withstand it's force.  Therefore, the black hole of the film SHOULD draw the spaceship into its vortex. (yet it does not.).

The crew decide to take their own ship closer to investigate.  It turns out that the ship stationary near the black hole is the Cygnus I, a ship that had been sent out 20 years earlier.  The ship was supposedly recalled but never returned.  There is a connection between the crew of the Palomino and Cygnus.  It seems that one of the crew members, Dr. Kate McCrae (Yvette Mimieux), is the daughter of a member of the crew that manned the Cygnus.

When the crew gets closer, some of their ship is damaged by the force of the black hole and they land on the Cygnus.  It seems the Cygnus is able to generate some null gravity force field which is how it is able to stay stationary despite the gravity pull of the hole.

On board, the crew encounter what appears to be the sole survivor of the crew of the Cygnus, Dr. Hans Reinhardt (Maximillian Schell). Along with a crew of robots that he created to help him man the ship. He informs them that Kate's father stayed behind with him, but has since died.  The rest of the crew were sent home and Reinhardt expresses surprise that the crew never made it back home.

 

 

 

Reinhardt agrees to help the crew get their ship repaired and get them back on their way home, but intimates there is no way he is going back with them.  What is goal for staying is a mystery.  But while the crew gathers up the tolls and supplies several of them go off to investigate on their own.  Capt. Holland, ostensibly heading back to the ship to initiate the procedures, departs the shuttle and finds, among other things, uniforms and personal effects of the supposedly departed Cygnus crew. Another crew member, Harry Booth (Ernest Borgnine) also secretly goes off on his own.  Booth sees one of the robots limping which arouses his suspicions.

Meanwhile in another part of the ship, the Palomino's resident robot. Vincent (voiced by Roddy McDowell) meets B.O.B. (voiced by Slim Pickens), an early prototype of his own model who reveals interesting information as to what EXACTLY happened with the crew of the Cygnus. (And no, they didn't disappear trying to return to Earth...)

Dr, Reinhardt, as the mad genius of the piece, has a notion to try to find out what is on the other side of the black hole.  As Dr. McCrae suggests, "he walking a tightrope between genius and insanity".  Or to put it more bluntly as Booth says "I think the guy is nuts."  The only person who thinks that Reinhardt is playing with a full bag of marbles, it appears, is Dr. Durant (Anthony Perkins).

But Vincent and Kate share a connection via ESP (don't even ask what I think of that...).  Vincent shares with Kate that the Capt should return to the Palomino, where Vicent relates what he learned from B.O.B.  The crew did indeed not get away from the Cygnus.  There was a revolt over control of the ship and the crew members who didn't die were turned into, you guessed it, Reinhardt's robots.

At this point the final reel comes up and I don't want to give the final away, but it is Disney so you have to have a pretty good idea how it will all turn out.  Fortunately for me and some other people, it doesn't involve a cocker spaniel/schnauzer mutt showing up to save the day.  (That would have been ridiculous, of course, but prior to 1979, entirely something I might have expected.)

I whole heartedly recommend both of these movies to anyone out there whose intersts segue into the science-fiction realm.  There are some points that are unbelievable (like ESP) but the primitive graphics and special effects hold up rather well, even is this day of CGI.

Well, that brings us to the time to warp home. (I converted the Plymouth to hyperdrive...) Drive safely folks.

Quiggy

Big Trouble in the Bronx

 This is my entry in the Vic Morrow Blogathon hosted by Hamlette's Soliloquy and Sidewalk Crossings

From The Cinematic Bartender by Winthrop J Quiggy:

Bronx Warrior (aka "Italian Ripoff")

Take one jigger of Escape from New York.  Add 2 shots of The Warriors. Sprinkle with a liberal dose of Mad Max.  Shake vigorously.  Serve over ice with a twist of Usagi Yojimbo.

Italian cinema, especially the kind that populated drive-in theaters, were not well known for originality.  Witness the plethora of spaghetti westerns that followed Sergio Leone's classic "Man with No Name" trilogy.  Or just about any sci-fi movie from that country (including this one.)

Not that that means they aren't entertaining.  In fact, if you can approach low-budget Italian movies with an open mind, they can be a nice way to spend the afternoon.  You hardly ever get the caliber of performance of, say, Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront, but the plots usually have a lot of action, which is why most drive-in movie lovers went to the drive-in in the first place.  (I heard that... I was referring to people who went to them with the express purpose of WATCHING the movies, you sick-minded freaks...)

Vic Morrow is the headline name of this flick and his talent as a bad guy is pretty much the same as most other bad guy roles he played.  This was the penultimate role he played before his unfortunate death on the set of the next movie he was in, The Twilight Zone:The Movie.


It also stars Fred Williamson as Ogre, one of the kingpins of the gang society in the Bronx, and a guy named Mark Gregory.  Gregory (whose real name was Marco di Gregorio) runs around this movie looking like a refugee from an 80's MTV hair band video. (And are those his real lips or was he hitting the Botox before it became available on the market...?)

Which brings me to a point about the music for the film.  The music pretty much distracts from the feel of the movie.  Ogre plays jazz music in his lair, for crying out loud... (Really?)  Personally I think a sprinkling of some heavy metal songs would have improved it.  Stuff like Accept's "Balls to the Wall", Krokus' "Long Stick Goes Boom" and Judas Priest's "Some Heads are Gonna Roll". (Although, truth be told, those songs came out post-production of this film, but surely there were some fitting heavy metal songs that could have improved the music...)

1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982):

In the preface to the film, much like Escape from New York, the future of crime has had devastating effects on the city of New York.  (NYC seems to get the brunt of negative associations in futuristic sci-fi.  Must be one hell of a bad place to be in the future, don'tcha think?)  Anyway, by 1990, the police and government have basically just given up the city as a lost cause.

In the beginning, a woman, Anne (Stephania Girolami who was the director's daughter), is on the run.  She enters the No-Man's Land of the Bronx, where she is accosted by a gang called The Zombies.  To the rescue comes  "Trash" (Mark Gregory) and his gang, The Riders.  And of course, being the stud muffin that he is, Anne falls head over heels for him.

Meanwhile back in the real world, the VP of the Manhattan Corporation and his number one man (played by, in what must have been a budget move, director Enzo Castellari and his brother Ennio Girolami; It's All in the Family, Italian style...) are desperate for the return of Anne to the fold.  Why?  Because she is 17 and when she turns 18 she will be the de facto head of the Manhattan Corporation.  Which is a big arms dealership.  Which is why she ran away in the first place.  She didn't WANT to be the head of an arms dealership.  Which apparently she thinks will dissolve if she's not around to lead it, I guess... (Wishful thinking, there, babe.)

Anyway the VP  calls on his sure ticket for the return of Anne, in the person of The Hammer (Vic Morrow), a renegade policeman somewhat like a sick version of Dirty Harry.  Only Hammer is a loose cannon in the extreme sense of the word.  He's not just trying to get the girl back.  He ultimately wants to destroy the entire sick civilization in the Bronx.

To expedite matters he will do anything and everything, including getting Trash's second-hand man Ice (John Sinclair) to betray his leader.  He also has the help of Hot Dog (Christopher Connelly), a truck driver who seems to be able to come and go as he pleases within the confines of the Bronx.

When Anne is kidnapped by the Zombies, Trash has to get help, and he chooses to make a deal with the leader of the Tigers, a rival gang.  Ogre (Fred Williamson) agrees to help under certain conditions.  But the fly in the ointment is Hammer who is driven by a maniacal need for destruction.

Morrow is over the top in this film, but I have it on some word that his voice is dubbed.  Maybe someone who is familiar with his voice can tell, but I can't.  (Apparently by the time it came for studio overdubs, Morrow was already dead so they had to get some other guy to do the job.)  If that's the case, you could blame the dubber, but Hammer's actions speak louder than words.  He's still a sadistic S.O.B.  Hey he shoots a couple in a stairwell that are getting it on, for no apparent reason than just to see them die.

There were two sequels to this movie, neither of which I watched for this entry but will get to, if only for the fact that Fred Williamson is in the third one (albeit, I guess, a different character since it seems apparent Ogre dies in this one.)

Well folks, the screen has gone dark.  Drive safely.  Remember, you never know just how balanced that cop down the street might be.

Quiggy

A Horse and It's Horn

This is my entry in the Angela Lansbury Blogathon hosted by Realweegiemidget Reviews.

What would you do if you found out you were the last of your kind?  (Being "one of a kind" doesn't count.  It would be a fruitless endeavor to find another me...  And before you think I'm being egotistical, you are "one of a kind", too.)

Peter S. Beagle created an endearing classic in 1968 with a fantasy novel called The Last Unicorn.  It has had a profound effect on many who have read it.  The novel ranks in the top 20 of all-time classic fantasy novels.  The story of a unicorn seeking out the truth of whether sh is indeed the last of her kind could not fail to leave at least some impression on the reader.  After all, the need for companionship of one's own kind is the force that drives everyone to venture out beyond the four walls of their own home.

In 1982, the animated production company of Rankin/Bass, those purveyors of such animated Christmas gems such as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Little Drummer Boy, Frosty the Snowman, and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas brought to the big screen an animated version of the beloved tale.  The studio only made a handful of full length movies, but with the exception of The Hobbit, I imagine you haven't seen or even heard of the full length movie oeuvre.  This one is one that deserves a look, however.

Angela Lansbury, although her role is rather brief, plays a decidedly more diabolical witch than you would imagine.  Miss Eglatine Price, in other words she is not (and kudos if you didn't have to google that to find out who I am referencing...)  But I imagine you could come up with a smattering of other characters she played who are even more diabolical (this is children's animation, remember.  Can't have Mrs. Iselin batting down the door.)

The Last Unicorn (1982):

In a forest, a group of hunters determine that the reason that they are unsuccessful on their hunt is that a unicorn must live in the forest, and her magical aura protects all that live in it.  As they ride away, one calls out a warning that she may indeed be the last of her kind. The Unicorn (Mia Farrow) begins to wonder if what she has heard is true.

A butterfly (Robert Klein) appears at her side and sings and tells crazy riddles, but the upshot is that he tells her that all the unicorns in the world have been herded away by a mysterious beast known only as The Red Bull.  She decides to go off and leave the forest in search of the other unicorns.

On her way, she is captured by an evil witch / sideshow entrepreneur named Mommy Fortuna (Angela Lansbury).  Along with Ruhk (Brother Theodore), her henchman, an an incompetent wizard named Shmendrick (Alan Arkin), she gulls the public into believing she has a manticore (which is really an old lion), a satyr (which is really a decrepit chimp) and a Midgard Serpent (which is really just a plain ordinary snake).  She casts magic spells on the all, both to keep them in line, as well as to fleece the unsuspecting public.

She also keeps a real harpy, which she uses her magic to keep docile (but her magic is only so strong.)  When she finds the unicorn she captures it too.  She knows it is a unicorn, but most of the public would only see it as a white horse, so she casts a spell on the unicorn, giving it a magical horn so the foolish crowd will see what she wants them to see.

Eventually Schmendrick helps the Unicorn escape and accompanies her on her quest.  Along the way they also acquire a female companion, Molly Grue (Tammy Grimes).  The trio continue on until they reach the kingdom of King Haggard (Christopher Lee).  It turns out that Haggard is the actual keeper of the Red Bull and uses him to capture all the other unicorns.  As the trio approach Haggard's castle, the red Bull appears and immediately tries to corral the Unicorn.

Schmendrick saves the day (sort of).  He turns the unicorn into a beautiful woman and the Red Bull immediately loses interest.  (She's no longer a unicorn, so the bull thinks the unicorn disappeared.)  Upon reaching the castle, Schmendrick introduces themselves, calling the unicorn "Lady Amalthea".  Haggard's son Prince Lir (Jeff Bridges) is immediately smitten with Amathea.
 
The unicorn, now Amalthea, begins to suffer from the transformation as she gradually becomes more human and is beginning to forget not only that she was a unicorn, but what had brought her on this quest in the first place.  And she iso beginning to fall in love with the Prince, and eventually starts to think she'd prefer to remain human, even though it will means she would eventually die.

One must leave some things for the viewer to find for him or herself, so I won't tell you how it all turns out in the end.  Suffice to say this is an entertaining film for all ages.

Well, it will never look like a unicorn (or anything even halfway as beautiful), but this Plymouth will still get me home.  Drive safely, folks.

Quiggy

Love (Or Something Like It)

Every few years there are movies that come along that can be said to "define a generation".  From The Wizard of Oz to Casablanca to Rebel Without a Cause to Easy Rider to Star Wars to The Big Chill (and maybe even Harry Potter), certain movies just cross all the boundaries and exhibit what is generally assumed to be the quintessential example of what a movie is that one thinks of as the evocative example from a generation.  One that, if you mention a certain decade, is usually the first movie that comes to mind, and one that most people who grew up in that particular decade remember fondly.  Essentially they are the best example of how the people of that particular generation viewed the world around them.

This isn't one of them.

Porky's was one of the first in a long line of movies from the 80's that centered on the sex-obsessed teenager.  It featured a cast that most people would be hard-pressed to think of any other movie they had been in. Although, unlike a couple of movies I've reviewed in past entries, the stars of this one did go on to more roles in Hollywood films and TV.  But with the exception of Kim Cattrall, I'll bet you can't peg any of them.  (I must admit however that it was during a re-watch of Caddyshack and seeing Scott Colomby (who played one of the caddies in that film), that I was reminded that he also appears in this one (as the Jewish kid).

The movie itself is pretty basic, raunchy 80's teen sex comedy in a barrel.  It's geared towards the young adult male (or at least the young adult male in the early 80's, of which I was one.)  It was directed by Bob Clark whom many of you will recognize as the director of the classic A Christmas Story.  His previous output had been mostly horror movies, including Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things and Black Christmas.  He also directed one of more intriguing Sherlock Holmes pastiches, Murder by Decree.

Porky's (1981):

The movie takes place in the fictional southern Florida town of Angel Beach. With the exception of a few rare scenes, the basic gist of the movie is a bunch of horny high school students and their efforts to get in the sack with members of the opposite sex.  The main star of the film is a kid named "Peewee" (Dan Monahan), who is particularly enthusiastic about the venture because he is still a virgin.

Several vignettes play out through the movie, including a bunch of pranks that some of the other guys pull on Peewee (mostly because he is just a gullible foil).  There is also a recurring scene where the boys use a hidden place to spy on the girls when they are taking a shower.  (And one of the funniest scenes is when Miss Balbricker (Nancy Parsons), the bull of a female teacher, discovers the boys' hiding place.

The boys end up deciding that the solution to their sexual frustrations is to go across the county line to a strip club (and secretly, a whorehouse), to get some action.  The place is called Porky's and is owned by a man who really deserves the moniker...Porky (Chuck Mitchell).

But plans go awry when Porky takes the kids' money but dumps them in the swamp.  Then the sheriff shows up (Alex Karras), who is actually Porky's brother, and is in the back pocket of Porky.  They run the boys off, but one of the boys, a foolhardy kid named Mickey (Roger Wilson) continues to try to go back to get satisfaction of the return of the money.  And gets the crap beat out of him.

The boys, with the help of the new Jewish kid, Brian (Scott Colomby), devise a plan that will be just what you'd expect from one of these kinds of movies.  Interestingly enough, Mickey's brother, Ted (Art Hindle) a police officer in Angel Beach, doesn't have a whole hell of a lot of love for his fellow neighboring law enforcement brothers or for Porky (he was a victim of Porky's bad business practices himself a few years earlier).  Ted helps the boys in their scheme and then is instrumental in a final confrontation in Angel Beach when Porky and the sheriff arrive.

Obviously this one is not one to watch with the kids.  For that matter, unless your significant other is rather liberal in her attitudes, you guys might want to send the girls out of the room, too.


Drive home safely, folks.

Quiggy