Muscles and Steel

 Note; It wasn't planned, of course, since this blogathon was created a few months ago, but I think it's fitting that I should dedicate this entry to the memory of one one of the most iconic voices in Hollywood, James Earl Jones. Jones, in case you were unaware, left the scene earlier this week.  Not only did he give us the memorable voice of Darth Vader, but he played both good and bad guys with style, Go check out some of his classic roles.  (Here he was Thulsa Doon in the first entry of this double feature).

This is my entry in the Barbarians at the Gates blogathon hosted by Hamlette's Soliloquy and yours truly.

The barbarian movie begins (but not necessarily ends) with Conan.  There were a few others, to be sure that predated the two Arnold Schwarzenegger movies featuring the iconic warrior, but I would be willing to bet $$ it would never have taken off to the heights it did it if "The Governator" hadn't come on the scene.

Imagine, for a moment, if you will... Conan the Barbarian... starring...Charles Bronson.  Believe it or not, in the early 70's when this production first started getting batted around Hollywood, Chuck was one of the guys considered. Now Bronson would have been in his 50's, and I don't know for sure how buff he was then, but still...

Another was William Smith (who actually did get a brief role as Conan's father early in the film).  He was a bit younger than Chuck, by 10 years, but still. A mid-40's Conan? 

The third option, and by this time beefcake enough to have pulled it off, was... Sylvester Stallone.  Well, he was indeed turning to a muscular behemoth even in the  early 80's.   And he could have given Arnold himself a run for his money when it came to enunciating.  But I still don't think the swords and sorcery genre would have taken off quite the way it did if Stallone had been at the helm. 

One note in particular about the first movie.  The background to the character of Conan is changed somewhat from what my research says was Robert E. Howard's background for his character.  In the novels Conan develops in his village as a muscular warrior and goes off to the road to adventure from there.  But the movie has a different tack on it.

In the film, a quiet village goes through day to day life.  Conan's father (William Smith) is a metalworker and teaches his young son about what they believe and the legends of their peoples. This includes a down to earth god, much like the people that worship him, Crom.

Into this bucolic setting rides an invading horde.  Since the end result is that the village is burned to the ground and all the men are killed (and maybe even all the women), apparently they are only there to get Conan, who is taken captive.

Conan watches as the warriors lay waste to his village, killing his father.  And then, while standing there holding his mother's hand, the leader of this marauding horde rides up, and removes his helmet.  Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones). doesn't even need to say a word.  (We don't actually get to hear Jones' iconic voice until much later in the movie.).  All he has to do is just stare into the eyes of Conan's mother and she drops her sword.  And then Doom beheads her.

Conan, along with several other boys, are taken captive, and eventually put to work as slaves turning a wheel.  At the start, all of them turn the wheel. (And what the point of this wheel is is never really clear...) Eventually all of the other children fall to the wayside (whether by death or some other circumstances is also not really clear.)

This leaves Conan himself, who through all this has become a very muscular older man.  And he is released from his captivity.  The scene shifts to him, supposedly free (but still has some remnants of chains on him so I'm not sure.) Being chased by wild dogs he hides in a cavern which quite possibly is a burial tomb.  A skeleton that appears to have been a former king sits on a throne with a sword.  Conan takes the sword, cleans it up and removes the remaining chains.

When he gets out of the cave/tomb he encounters a witch who revels to him some important information on where he can find the men who killed his father.  He has to go to a town where more will be revealed.  Along the way he meets a thief named Subotai (Gerry Lopez) and the woman with whom he becomes infatuated, Valeria (Sandahl Bergman).  

The trio raid a tower and kill a big snake and get some jewels, but their escapade comes to the attention of the local king, Osric (Max von Sydow),

Osric gives them a quest, rescue his daughter who has come under the influence of a powerful sorcerer (you guessed it, Thulsa Doom). Both Subotai and Valeria try to convince Conan to turn down this quest, but, revenge is a dish best served cold (to quote another movie).  Conan has to go after Doom for the honor his dead parents and ends up taking it alone since neither is willing to go on this obviously no-win endeavor.  (I mean Thulsa Doom is renowned for his big time status as a wizard after all.)

Conan makes his way to the citadel and runs across a small time wizard (Mako) in his own right (and by coincidence our humble narrator of the saga),  who gives him some help but sends him on his way.  Conan arrives at Doom's citadel. where he poses as a wannabe convert, with the help of a priest whose robes he "confiscates".

But Thulsa sees through him (wizard, remember?) and orders him to be crucified.  But Conan is not going to go down so easily. Even as he is crucified and beginning to be eaten by vultures he still tries to fight back.  And to his rescue come his friends. Both Subotai and Valeria come around to his way of thinking and agree to help him on his quest to rescue Osric's daughter. But first they must nurse him back to health and for that they need the help of a wizard.  The same wizard Conan met on his way to Doom's citadel.

 But ultimately Doom has some manner of magic and Valeria ends up dying. 

Conan pleads with Crom to help him in his quest for revenge. And since Valeria has previously promised if she died and Conan needed her help to defeat the powers of darkness, well..

They don't get much more magical than this.  You have to summon some serious powers to defeat a big time wizard like Doom, and Conan is going to need every bit of it.

So I'll leave just a bit of stuff for you to check out, but since Conan returns in the sequel you know somehow he's gonna win.  But just how is worth the wait.

Conan the Destroyer (1984):

The ensuing years since Conan defeated the power of Thulsa Doom and his minions ad lost his great love Valeria have not been easy for Conan.  He wanders the world looking for things to help him deal with his loss, but nothing seems to fill the void. At the time of the beginning of this film, he is just an itinerant thief, working with a fellow thief, Malak (Tracey Walter).

Into his world comes a band of soldiers who are intent upon, not killing him, but capturing him. He is able to fend them off fairly well, well enough that the leader of the band stops the fight.  The leader turns out to be a queen, Taramis (Sarah Douglas), who has been seeking a champion for a quest.  And she has the right bait to lure Conan, since power and money are not an incentive.  She promises him, at the outset, that she can bring back Valeria from the dead.  And, Conan, being a lovesick mourner (as well as not as cynical as I would be), falls for her bait.

So what is this quest?  Conan is hired to accompany Taramis' niece, Jehnna (Olivia D'Abo), on a journey to retrieve a key that will be used to revive the god Dagoth.  

It is a convoluted myth, but basically Jehnna is the prophesied girl who is the only one who can actually touch said key.  Conan will accompany Jehnna, and Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain), Taramis' captain of the guards, on this quest.  

What neither Conan, or for that matter Jehnna, know is that Taramis is trying to fulfil a prophecy that will bring a god back to life, but that will require the sacrifice of Jehnna, the "virgin" that so often shows up in these kinds of legends.

 And, also, it turns out, Taramis has no intention of fulfilling her promise to Conan (whether she could or not). She instructs Bombaata to kill Conan once the key is retrieved.

So we begin the journey, Conan, Jehnna, Bombaata and Malak.  But along the way we will acquire a few other travelers, including the wizard friend from the previous adventure (Mako), who has since acquired a name, Akiro.  Akiro has to be rescued, however, since he is currently the main course of a feast for cannibals.

Also, in a village, they come across a woman who is chained and fending off six tormenters.  She is the last of a band of marauders that had attempted to raid the town..  After helping her (simply by unchaining her), Conan and the band ride on.  But the woman, Zula (Grace Jones) follows and wants to join with Conan on his quest.

The first step is to somehow get in to the castle of Thoth-Amon (Pat Roach), which is located out in the middle of a lake (and since Thoth-Amon is a wizard, guarded by some serious magic).  Conan insists they wait until morning to try their attempt, but Thoth-Amon has other ideas.  He turns into a giant bird and captures Jehnna.  (Using some pretty cheesy special effects to accomplish it...) Leaving the rest of the band to figure out how to rescue her and complete the quest of retrieving the key they came for.

They invade the castle, but are greeted by far greater magic than they have encountered yet.  Conan has to fight a creature in a room full of mirrors.  A creature comes out of each mirror and combines to form one creature, one that seems almost impervious to anything Conan can try to defeat it.  The solution to it's defeat is not necessarily ingenious (in fact in retrospect it seems kind of cheesy) but it is a satisfying solution.  (And I won't give it away, but I bet even if you've never seen the movie you can guess how to defeat this creature.)

It turns out that the creature's death also results in the death of Thoth-Amon, who had used magic to make himself the creature.  So now Conan and company can retrieve the key they came for.

The next part of the journey should be without Conan, since this is the point that the queen gave Bombaata instructions to dispatch him.  But Conan has other plans.  Bombaata, for his part, manages to convince Conan that the queen's guards have attacked on their own, not by orders of the queen.  Conan, if anything, gullible to subterfuge, believes him.  So the crowd continues on its way to the next quest, which is to use the key they got to retrieve the real relic they were after.  A cavern, and a big stone door that requires the strength of both Conan and Bombaata to open.  (So it turns out that it's a good thing Bombaata and the guards didn't succeed.)

Inside the hidden room is the horn of Dagoth, and an inscription which Akiro translates and discovers the ultimate destiny both of Jehnna and the horn.  But when Akiro tells Conan of the writing he dismisses it.  

Eventually Bombaata manages, he thinks, to trap the rest in the cavern and escapes with the girl.  but since this is Conan, the rest manage to escape and decide to go back to the city to try and stop the queen's evil plans.

The rest is the battle that occurs after the horn is replaced and the statue of Dagoth is revived.  But in order to complete the rite, you remember, Jehnna the virgin must be sacrificed.  Of course, if the rite is not completed as it is written things could go awry. Which of course is what happens.

So how does Conan defeat the evil forces?  Watch the movie!

It's too bad that the saga did not continue from here.  But then if it had we would have missed out on a few other great movies that Schwarzenegger did from here on out.  But it was not necessarily the end of Conan on film.  There was a 2011 reboot with Jason Momoa as the titular character.  But since it failed to even recoup it's production money at the box office, that pretty much torched a Momoa sequel. But we can always keep our hopes up, because Hollywood never lets a budget deficit completely bury a potential possibility of new reboots.

Well, folks, time to head out for home (wherever home may be).  Keep an eye out for those wizards, you never know what they might be up to.

Quiggy

The Barbarians at the Gates Blogathon Arrives

 

The music rises to a crescendo.  A burly, muscular guy rides a horse up over the horizon in the distance. Cue the close up. The face of the determined serious horseback rider as he stares slightly off camera.  Cue the point of view change and we see an army of skeletons advancing over the hill and a huge ominous tower behind them.

The implications are clear.  The burly Adonis has an objective and his goal is hampered by the presence of the skeletons.  He must defeat them.

Is this going to end well?  Well, if you are a fan of these types of movies you already know the answer.  Whether by himself, or with the help of a coterie of allies, some of whom may die in their efforts, the heroes will succeed.  The outcome is a foregone conclusion, but the journey is the essence.

Hence this blogathon, a celebration of swords and sorcery movies, ones where human heroes (or even would-be heroes) face down the hordes of supernatural evil.

Over the next two days, Rachel @ Hamlette's Soliloquy and I will be celebrating this genre, as well as a few other stalwart companions who will be presenting their own forms of "barbarian worship".

THE BARBARIANS: 

Realweegiemidget Reviews: The Beastmaster  (1982)

 

 

Hamlette's Soliloquy: Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023):

Speakeasy: Hercules in the Haunted World (1961):

The Midnite Drive-In: Conan (Schwarzenegger Double Feature) (1982/1984):

18 Cinema Lane : Willow (1988):

Taking Up Room: The Scorpion King (2002):

Whimsically Classic: Sleeping Beauty (1959):

More barbarians to come. Tune in later.

Quiggy

Connecting the Dots

 

 

 

 

This is my entry in the Norman Jewison blogathon hosted by Taking Up Room.

 

 

 

Norman Jewison was not the most prolific director to come down the pike. IMDb credits him with only 44 entries as director and of those 20 were either TV shows of made for TV movies and documentaries.  So, all-in-all, he only has 24 major motion pictures to his credit.  But of those 24, there are some of the most iconic films of all time.  

In the Heat of the Night is one that many people will remember. As well, he also brought two classic Broadway musicals to the big screen; Fiddler on the Roof and Jesus Christ Superstar. One of my favorites, and one that may not be all that well-known, is A Soldier's Story, which I saw in conjunction with a project for a history class, even though it is not based on an actual historical event.

In the 40 year career from his first major theatrical endeavor to his final film had a variety of actors and actresses appear in his films. In the course of those movies there was an interesting  connection to them.  You could almost do a connect the dots with the actors who appeared in his movies, as some would appear in more than one film.

Hence the game that I came up with for this entry.  How are the movies connected with each other?  Admittedly some don't exactly connect in any way on this level.  For instance: Jesus Christ Superstar and Fiddler on the Roof are connected by the presence of Barry Donnen, but I could find no way to connect any of the other movies with these two.  (Presumably because the rest of them were not musicals and possibly none of the other actors in those films had any musical ability whatsoever, with the exception of Doris Day, of course.)

This idea came as a result of seeing Edward Andrews' name appear in the list of credits for the first three major theatrical releases in the Jewison oeuvre. So it's fitting that we start there.

Edward Andrews: From 40 Pounds of Trouble-

My experience with Andrews got it's start when I saw him in an old Twilight Zone  episode "Third From the Sun" in which he was ostensibly the villain of the piece. In this movie he plays Herman.

  To The Thrill of it All-

Where Edwards plays Gardiner Farleigh. The main stars of TTOIA are Doris Day who plays the wife of a doctor, who in turn is played by James Gardner.

     To Send Me No Flowers- 

Where Edwards once again shares billing with Doris Day, this time as the doctor of a hypochondriac, played by Tony Randall.

But ....

James Garner, who skipped a leg in this sequence returned in The Art of Love-

Where he played the best friend and roommate of Dick Van Dyke. One of the other players in the film was 

Carl Reiner, who segued from there to-

The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming! -

Where he played a writer on vacation when a broken-down Russian submarine  and it's commander intrudes into his life.  One of the minor characters is Peter Brocco as a preacher.  Brocco also was part of the cast in

Gaily, Gaily - 

Where he played along side of Brian Keith (who had also been with him on the set of TRAC,TRAC!) 

See how they all seem connected?  It goes even further.

Denzel Washington was one of the main featured actors in A Soldiers Story. He was also the star of The Hurricane, a movie which featured a role played by Rod Steiger as the Judge who overturned the main character's conviction.  And we all know Rod Steiger as the Academy Award winning actor in In the Heat of the Night.  He also had a role in the Sylvester Stallone flick F.I.S.T. 

Jack Weston appeared in both Steve McQueen/ Norman Jewison collaborations, The Cincinatti Kid and The Thomas Crown Affair.  And, as stated earlier, Barry Donnen had roles in the two musicals directed by Jewison. Jesus Christ Superstar and Fiddler on the Roof. 

And with a few stretches, you could end up linking all of them together.  (By that I mean you'd have to accept one of those Oracle of Kevin Bacon connections. You know, like James Caan was in Rollerball. He also shared the screen with Al Pacino in The Godfather, who was also the star of Jewison's ...And Justice for All.)

Apparently, either Jewison, or his casting directors had a good rapport with a stable of actors and actresses or just a whole lot of people enjoyed working with HIM. 

Or maybe there some finger of fate swirling around the pie filling with her finger.  Either way, this was a fun post to create.  Hope you got a chuckle or two.

Quiggy

Announcing the Barbarians at the Gates Blogathon

 

A muscle-bound, (usually) bare-chested Adonis (or in some cases, a woman, although NOT bare-chested..) stands facing a supernaturally powered horde of enemies, the only one who has the courage to face the onslaught and prevent the success of some evil force from it's nefarious goals.

"Sword and Sorcery" stories and movies have been around since the early days of pulp fiction.  Authors familiar to all, like Robert E. Howard, made a name for this type of fiction, and beginning in the late 50's, Hollywood even got it's fingers in the pie.

The term 'sword and sorcery" was given to the genre by Fritz Leiber, another stalwart of the pulp fiction days, and it was more or less defined by a statement made by another giant of the print industry of the genre, Lin Carter:

"We call a story sword and sorcery when it is an action tale derived from the traditions of the pulp magazine adventure story, set in the land, age or world of the author's invention - a milieu in which magic actually works and the gods are real _ a story, moreover, which pits a stalwart warrior in direct conflict with the forces of supernatural evil."

This blogathon was originally inspired by a long-planned post on the two Arnold Schwarzenegger / Conan films from the 80's and spurred into commitment by my acquisition of a book "Barbarians at the Gates of Hollywood". 

My friend and frequent cohort, Rachel @ Hamlette's Soliloquy agreed to help bring this blogathon into fruition.  The sword and sorcery genre is rife with possibilities, not only in film, but as previously noted, in print.  Therefore it would be a shame to limit the idea to only movies.  Therefore the ground rules are a bit expanded (see rule #1)

Rules for the Barbarians at the Gates Blogathon:

1. Anything that fits the idea of "sword and sorcery" are allowed.  Want to write about Robert E. Howard or one of the other authors who kick-started the theme?  Or any of the plethora of films that have made their way to either the theater or even direct-to-video films?  Any questions about whether an idea fits can be addressed to Rachel or myself, but it's pretty wide open.

2. Only one person per film or idea, but you can go several ways with it.  A general overview of the print genre and an entry specifically on the career of Robert E. Howard, say, would be two different ideas.  The same goes for movies.

3. We would like to limit the entries per person to 3 (if you are that ambitious..), so more people can enter.

4. For your enlightenment the following page will give you some ideas to start with on movies (but not limited to just these.  Got another idea?)

Sword and Sorcery Films

5. The dates of the blogathon are Sept 14-15. Early entries are OK, but we are asking that you post new material. And extensions for late entries could be accepted if you get tied up those days.

6. Please use one of the following banners to help promote the blogathon.

7. Have fun 

Additionally, I have a few gifts which will be in a drawing for all people who post entries in the blogathon.  You could be the winner of one of these.  If you win, I will mail your prize, And postage is not a problem. If you are in the UK, (or elsewhere) you can still be a winner.

Set of 4 pins

20 sided die lapel pin

Dungeons and Dragons lanyard

2 unpainted (sorry) miniatures

This list will be updated as time permits me to do so over the next few weeks.  Here are the entries so far:

The Midnite Drive-In: Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer (the two "Ahnold" entries in the saga).

Hamlette's Soliloquy: Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves: (2023) 

Realweegiemidget Reviews: The Beastmaster  (1982)

Soeakeasy: Hercules and the Haunted World (1961)

Whimsically Classic: Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Taking Up Room : The Scorpion King (2002)

18 Cinema Lane: Willow (1988)

Risque Happenings

 

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This is my entry in the Seventh Broadway Bound Blogathon hosted by Taking Up Room

 

 "Rumors spreadin' 'round

In that Texas town

About that shack outside La Grange.

(You know what I'm talking about.)

Just let me know

If you wanna go

To that home out on the range.

(They got a lot of nice girls there.) 

  Lyrics to "La Grange" by Z Z Top

It was featured in a movie.  Before that it was in a hit Broadway play.  Before that it was paid homage by a boogie band from Texas, Z Z Top (see above).

And before that it was a REAL place. 

"The Chicken Ranch", as it was known, operated from the early 1900's until 1973. Quite a bit of the folklore behind the actual place became a part of the play (and subsequent movie) that was eventually produced.  Local constabulary were indeed involved in keeping the place open and there was also a crusader, Marvin Zindler, who was behind it's eventual closing, in 1973.

Vintage icon

 

The historian (and general "in your face" provocative person) in me thinks the place ought to have been made a state treasure and kept as a historical site. To his credit, the owner has been trying to get a historical marker for the site. The building itself is in such disrepair that it's nothing to look at. Part of it was used to build a bar in Dallas and the rest is in shambles.

Breaks the heart, don't it?

The city of La Grange would like to have visitors come for more than just the "less than reputable" historical site, but there are some memorabilia available on their city website which feature "The Chicken Ranch" on it, so it's not exactly like they are trying to sweep the past under the carpet.

Shop La Grange  (just in case you're interested...)

In 1978 a Broadway musical was produced based on the place and the events surrounding it's eventual closing, written by Peter Masterson and Larry L. King (no relation to Larry King, the radio talk show guy, as far as I know...).  The name of the town was changed from La Grange to a fictional town of Gilbert, but the story was basically the story behind the real place. 

In the play, Miss Mona and the local sheriff, Ed, kept the place running on the up-and-up (so to speak), but pressure from an investigative journalist, Melvin Thorpe, caused the place to come under scrutiny. And eventually causes it to have to close down.

The play garnered some Tony Award attention. (The Tony Awards are the Oscar equivalent for Broadway shows.) It won Best Actor and Best Actress (for Henderson Forsythe and Delores Hall, respectively).  It was also nominated in the categories of Best Musical, Best Book of a Musical (the story), Best Direction and Best Choreography.

In 1982, the play was produced as a film, with Dolly Parton as Miss Mona and Burt Reynolds as Ed, with Dom DeLuise as the crusading Melvin. The movie also added a new song (which wasn't exactly "new", as Dolly Parton had first recorded it years earlier) "I Will Always Love You" (later to be recorded by Whitney Houston for The Bodyguard). Note: I always thought "Hard Candy Christmas" was an original Dolly song, too, due to the fact that her version is the one I always hear, but it turns out that it was written for the original musical.

The film version had the production team of Miller-Milkis-Boyett. Who are they, you might  be asking (especially if you don't pay attention to the credits)?  Well, under various incarnations of those three we got a plethora of TV shows of the past.  Those three together were behind the Tom Hanks / Peter Scolari TV show Bosom Buddies. But under Miller-Milkis, we got Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley and Mork Mindy. And under the Miller-Boyett production label we got Family Matters, Full House (and Fuller House), Perfect Strangers and Step By Step. Surely you've seen one or more of those. (Of course they also gave us Joanie Loves Chachi , but don't hold that against them.) 

This time around, the story was not quite the boffo event that the play had been.  It only made about double it's budget back in ticket sales. Impressive, maybe, but that's only $69 million against a $35 million budget. Musicals, by the early 80's, had become passe', so it's not entirely surprising. I went to see it in it's original theatrical release (mainly for the story; even then I wasn't big on musicals.) But there was also another reason...

Dolly at 36

 

(Hey, what were you expecting from a 20 year old [at the time] male?) 

The movie did garner some notice in the awards community.  Charles Durning as the Governor got a nod for Best Supporting Actor at the Oscars.  And the Golden Globes committee gave noms for the picture and Dolly for Best Picture and Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical. 

 

No. I'm serious... 36...

It was rated R, of course.  I mean, what were you expecting in a movie about a whorehouse? Eight course dinners? But there are no overtly explicit scenes in it.  Of course, late in the movie there is a raid on the place and many in attendance are caught in flagrante delicto. But it's pretty tame for the most part.  Of course, you wouldn't want to watch it with the young 'uns in the room, but if I have to warn you of that, you didn't read the title of the movie...

So, was it a good film?  Read on.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982):

Note on the pictures: If the caption has "" on it, the caption is the title of the song being sung in the scene.

The film opens with a shocker.  Deputy Fred looks through an old -fashioned stereoscope and then turns and breaks down the fourth wall and addresses you, the viewer:

 

It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw

And if you can get past Gomer Pyle touting a house of ill repute, you 're halfway home...

The background is told about the original madam and the original sheriff, both of whom moved the base of operations from the back of the town feed store to a place on the outskirts of town.  And through two world wars, and thick and thin, the place managed to survive.  With sometimes other ways of paying the piper when money was tight. Which included trading chickens for services (thus explaining how the place became know as "The Chicken Ranch"... cute, huh?)

"20 Fans"

The action moves to present day (1973), where the whole plot takes place.  The original madam has passed away, leaving the house and it's environs to Miss Mona (Dolly Parton) who runs the house, with the blessing of the town sheriff, Ed Earl Dodd (Burt Reynolds), where everything is under control by Mona, keeping the place on the up-and-up (more or less).

"Little Bitty Pissant Country Place"

Mona and Ed have a romantic relationship outside of the professional relationship, even though Ed sometimes gets on Mona's nerves, due to his unwillingness to actually be romantic about it. And at this point we get Dolly and Burt (Burt sings???) singing about their relationship.

"Sneakin' Around"

The get together is interrupted by Deputy Fred who tells Ed earl that the mayor is looking for him. Business before pleasure... Trouble is brewing.  The mayor (Raleigh Bond) and town bigwig C. J. (Barry Corbin) inform Ed that a Houston news personality, Melvin P. Thorpe, who has an expose' program called The Watchdog Report, is planning an expose' on the Chicken Ranch.  Not exactly the kind of publicity that the town wants. (although it's intimated in the beginning that the existence of the place is already a known quantity, so you'd think it wasn't that big a deal).

But Ed decides to take matters in his own hands and goes to Houston to take care of the "little peckerwood". Melvin (Dom DeLuise) is not a man to shy away from controversy, especially if it means ratings.  Despite Ed's polite democratic chat, Melvin goes on the air anyway.

"Texas Has a Whorehouse in It!"

And that ain't the worst of it.  Melvin takes his show on the road and sets up a live broadcast in front of the county courthouse.  But he may have bit off more than he can chew as Ed runs his oversized butt out of town, with a few choice words to go with him.  But then again, maybe Ed misjudged the power of an egotistical self-righteous publicity hunter like Melvin P. Thorpe.

Ed and Mona go out camping and (Product placement warning) drink Schlitz beer.  Now, why, in God's name, are they not drinking Lone Star?  It is Texas, after all... oh, well...  Anyway, that night Melvin runs the video of Ed chewing him out. Shoulda been a little more discreet, there, Ed.

The city leaders convince Ed to have Mona shut down the place for a couple of months until the storm blows over and Mona agrees.  But she forgot about the annual celebration.  See, after every year's Texas / Texas A&M football game the seniors of the winning team get treated to a party at the Chicken Ranch.  And we can't be breaking tradition, what would we be if we broke tradition...? Savages, that's what!

So she goes back on her promise, but it's only going to be for the football celebration, so things should go all right if she waits until tomorrow. And with A&M the victors, the team is highly anticipating their celebration.

The Aggies Song"

(Just a side note: it's supposed to be a winning present but it's also supposed to be only the seniors. If that's the case, then when this class graduates, A&M may have trouble next year... Because it looks like the whole team is in attendance.)

And, of course, as luck would have it, the Watchdog crew goes through town on it's way out to the Ranch.  And Fred gives Ed the bad news.  Miss Mona is not closed down entirely. Melvin and his crew arrive and take pictures which includes one of the district's Senator (Robert Mandan). Ed arrives just a little too late to put out the fire before it starts. Mona and Ed have some harsh words, and he leaves. 

He leaves town to go to Austin to discuss the situation with the governor. And finally, an hour and 20 minutes into the movie we finally get to see The Governor (Charles Durning).  

"The Sidestep"

Why do I say finally?  Because Durning was nominated for Best Supporting Actor at that year's Oscars.  While admittedly there have been nominees with less screen time in a film (his on screen time only amounts to about 10 minutes, 6 of which is his song and dance number...), I would hazard a guess that it was the latest in a movie for one of those who garnered that nomination to make their appearance.  (And, BTW,  I'm not going to speculate on who SHOULD have won. Louis Gossett, Jr actually took the award for An Officer and a Gentleman, but also in the running were Robert Preston for Victor/Victoria, John Lithgow for The World According to Garp and James Mason for The Verdict. Based on those, I'm guessing that Durning was possibly lucky if he came in fourth in the voting.)

Ed tries to get the Governor to use his power to keep the place open, but being a politician, he refuses to do anything before knowing which way the wind blows. Once he gets the results of a poll that has a majority in favor of closing it, however, he tells Ed he has to shut it down.

Ed calls to break the bad news to Mona, who has to break the news to her girls.  And she finds out about Ed's trip to Austin to try to get the Governor's help in keeping it open.

"Hard Candy Christmas"

The ending of the movie has Ed showing up and repairing the damage as best he can.  He tells Mona he wants to marry her.  Mona, for her part, tells Ed he would be better off, since he has a future in politics, to do without being married to a former prostitute.

"I Will Always Love You"

But Ed is nothing if not determined. He takes Mona's stuff off the truck she had packed to leave town and throws it in his own truck.  And they drive off into the sunset.

So it occurs to me that this movie quite possibly could be rated as a "romantic comedy". If so, it is one more in a very relative few in that genre that I like.

If you made it this far into the review, and haven't decided it offends your sensibilities, I'm going to leave you with a final few tidbits of trivia. All courtesy of IMDb, so take them as you will, depending on your trust in the authenticity of the site:

First, the part of Ed Earl went to Burt, but there were several others who had been considered for the part including Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson and Gene Hackman.  Miss Mona had her own list of candidates, including Crystal Gayle and Barbara Mandrell. And by the way, does anybody else besides me think Lois (Dulcie Mae) Nettleton looks a lot like Mandrell? I actually though she was until I watched the credits...

And also, in the role of The Governor, Mickey Rooney was considered.  It was Burt himself who suggested that Charles Durning be given a shot at the role.

At the end of the movie Burt picks up Dolly and carries her to his truck.  He supposedly suffered a double hernia as a result.

Despite the prurient subject matter, this movie is a fun movie to watch. 

Really... 36!!!

Well, folks, time to get the old Plymouth on down the road.  I'm going straight home.  Really.  I am NOT going to route a detour through some little pissant country place.  Honest!

Quiggy