Fame Is Not All It's Cracked Up To Be

 

This is my entry for the Vivian Blaine Blogathon, hosted by Taking Up Room.

 

 

 

OK. I have to admit several things before getting started. When I saw Rebecca's announcement for this blogathon my first thought was "Vivian Blaine? Who the hell is Vivian Blaine?" When I looked up her filmography I almost passed on joining because, to be honest, although she had a career of movies, there definitely seemed to be nothing I wanted to spend any time with. I don't like musicals much, so Guys and Dolls, State Fair and Doll Face were definitely off the ticket. 

But then I scrolled down to the end of her filmography career, and gee, like many other Hollywood stars, she wrapped her career up in cheesy low-budget thrillers that were apparently just something to pay the bills. Parasite 3D looked promising, but, upon investigating it, it looked like she probably wasn't going to be much of a presence in it to make it worth devoting an entry dedicated to her (maybe in a future post when my subject is the star of the movie, Demi Moore, or the director of it, Charles Band, just not for this).

The last movie she made was a cheesy sounding slasher flick that garnered my interest however. I'm Going to Be Famous sounded like just the kind of bonkers stuff I have an affinity for.

So I watched it.

And I couldn't really figure out what the hell I just watched.

So I watched it again.

I still really have no idea what it's about...

The main problem I had is the only transfer I found online was so poorly uploaded online, that it was a struggle to see what was going on. The other problem is that I don't really think the director of the film, Paul Leder, actually knew what he was trying to achieve either. That name should have been a warning signal. Aside from A*P*E, which I reviewed a couple of years ago, and I Dismember Mama, he didn't have the recognition that would have been conducive to expect much. Even A*P*E  was not really quality stuff, even if I did appreciate it's cheesiness.

The best part of the film is when one of the characters says the movie title "I'm going to be famous!" Pretty much that is the whole point of the film. You've got a bunch of people who are trying to get ahead in the "kill or be killed" business of show business. (And, yes, I realize that's a pretty cheesy description of the ultimate plot of the film, but what am I going to do? There is not much else to delve into...)

The film has some fairly well known names in it. Dick Sargent was the second Darrin on Bewitched. Meredith MacRae made her name, primarily, as Billie Joe on Petticoat Junction. George Gaynes is probably best remembered as Commander Lassard in the Police Academy films, or as the potential love interest of "Dorothy Michaels" in Tootsie. Stanley Kamel played the psychiatrist who helped Monk cope with reality on the detective series of that name. And if you watched old 50's game shows, Robert Q. Lewis was the host of The Name's the Same. 

With the exception of Kamel, most of the actors above had already passed their prime as  name recognition stars and were probably just trying to keep from retiring to the Old Folks home. I feel certain that their portrayals here are not entirely their fault. I'm just guessing that Leder didn't have a clue how to direct the film. But be that as it may, most of them don't really come off as being as qualified as their previous output would have led you to believe.

BTW, since it quite possibly was the whole point, I give a pass to the would be actors playing the "wannabe stars" in this film. None of them are very good, and if they are intentionally acting that way, then, gee, I'd have to say they did a bang up job. They could be the best actors in the whole damn film... 

 

 

Note: Unfortunately there are virtually no stills from the film that I can Google, so this doesn't have much other than my brief thoughts.

I'm Going To Be Famous (1983):

The film opens with the Director, billed as such but called Sydney (or sometimes, "Stanley") by name, (Dick Sargent) preparing to see auditions for his new Broadway play. Everybody is gung-ho to get on board because not only is he a big name in the directing field, he is also a big name in the playwright field, since the play is his own script. And Susan Barker (Meredith Macrae) is the big name star of the production. 

And that, my friends, is the only comprehensible portion of the film. The rest is a mish mash of segments involving the backgrounds of the would be actors, some of whom have problems that could make a story for a decent movie if it didn't have to have the other stories bogging it down. I particularly like the character of Kitty (Roslyn Kind), who as the daughter of a famous porn star wants nothing more than to be recognized for her own talents rather than being the daughter of a well-known sex film star. Another part of the movie that makes no real sense: This is supposedly going to be a Broadway play, meaning performed in NYC. Why are they doing the casting in L.A.?

It takes quite a while of character development (for characters that no one probably gives a damn about in the first place), before anything decently interesting happens.

So what happens? What makes this movie worth a watch, if there is anything?

Well, those would be actors are so focused on becoming stars that they are willing to do anything (ANYTHING) to get their big break. For instance, one guy had a previous (gay) relationship with the Director, Sydney (or is it Stanley...?), and basically implies that the relationship would be made public if he doesn't get the lead role. (At that point in history it was still considered taboo to be outed...) 

The only way that this film can really make any sense is that you view at as a soap opera (and a really bad soap opera at that...) There are so many subplots going on that it's hard to keep track. One character is a parole officer who, although he is trying to keep tabs on one of his parolees, his real dream is to be an actor. (Yes, he's one of the "I'm going to be famous" people.) Another character who wants to be famous struggles when an old flame shows up, one that is not a really all that old of an "old flame", since she claims that he is the father of a baby she is pregnant with... Another actress, the aforementioned Kitty,  has trouble coping with the hectic lifestyle of trying to get famous that she occasionally overdoses on drugs or gets plastered on booze, despite the fact that her lover (or is it her husband) is trying to keep her straight. Or at least straight enough to function in society.

Then there's Vivian Blaine. I'm really not sure what she has to do with the film, other than the fact that she is an aging rich sexpot who is looking to hook up with another of those struggling would be actors. Actually I think she is the moneybags behind the production of the play, but it's never really clear.

The biggest disappointment for me is that come-on that brought me into watching this movie in the first place; that of the appellation that this was a "psychological thriller" complete with  murder. The film almost gets to the end before anyone is killed, and even then it's a bit anti-climatic. Sure, to be truthful, you don't see it coming, but by that time, I didn't even care. I did care about the last line from the guy who does the killing however... He just keeps screaming his name over and over to the TV crew that happens to be present. What he doesn't scream is "I'M GOING TO BE FAMOUS!" That in itself would have pushed this movie up at least by  ½ a star... (And, I was screaming at my screen "Say it! Say it, damn it!" No such luck).

It's anybody's guess who some of these characters are. IMDb lists several actors just by their stage names rather than who their character names are, so if you are not familiar with the actor, you won't know their character either. Neither George Gaynes nor Stanley Kamel have character name listings, but at least I recognized them. Of course, you COULD wait until the end credits run, but even that isn't very helpful, since the quality of the transfer and the black lettering of the actors is pretty unreadable. 

Roslyn Kind, quite possibly, might have gotten the role of Kitty simply because she was the half-sister of Barbra Streisand. She isn't Babs equal as a singer, and she can't even come close to competing with Barbra as an actress, but there are two scenes (added just to highlight her singing career?) in which she doesn't do too shabby a job of singing. But they have nothing to do with the film itself, except maybe to show just how far into her own dream world she has sunk.  

There isn't much about this film online either. Hell, it may have never seen the inside of a movie theater. And I found only one reviewer who even bothered to post a review. (His, or her, opinion was this was pure trash, basically). 

I cannot recommend this movie to anyone (and that makes probably only the third movie I have ever reviewed that I said that.) It's cheesy as all get out, which SHOULD have meant I'd say "give it a shot" for one view, but it is worse than even such clunkers as the previously reviewed The Beast of Yucca Flats and Teenage Zombies, both of which I would recommend you watch before this one. The highlight of the film, really, is the the title tune, played at the end of the film (some guy named Jay Arthur, who apparently never recorded anything else...)

So, would I, in retrospect, wish I had gone with one of those musicals I avoided? Probably not, but I can guarantee that the two times I watched this clunker will be the only times I ever watch it. My recommendation? Turn on your TV and watch the World Arm Wrestling Championships. A lot more excitement happens in two minutes of that than happens in the entire 90 minutes of this movie.

Until next time, drive safely. Even if you want to be "famous", causing some kind of train wreck like this film is not the best way to go...

 

Quiggy