Semiquincentennial Movie Project #18: Southern Comfort

 

 

 

The Semiquincentennial  Movie Project is an ongoing celebration of the 250th anniversary of the founding of the United States. During the course of this project your humble blogger is choosing a movie a week to represent each of the 50 states in the Union, as well as a movie scheduled for 4th of July weekend that will represent the nation's capitol, Washington D.C. The order of the weekly entries will coincide with the order of each state's entry into the fold (although, not necessarily coinciding with the date of their entry into said fold).

Week #18: Louisiana -

 

 

 

The state of Louisiana was established on April 30, 1812. 

Details about Louisiana:

State bird: eastern brown pelican

State flower: magnolia    

State tree: bald cypress

Additional historical trivia:

The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway holds the record for being the longest bridge in the U.S., at 24 miles. (Note: Your blogger has crossed that bridge... it seems even longer... there are telephone stations every mile or two in case you break down).

The Battle of New Orleans, the last battle fought in the Civil War, actually occurred after the South had surrendered.

The nation's tallest state capitol building is located in Louisiana.

It's illegal to send a pizza to someone without their consent in Louisiana. (You can send it to me, if I happen to be there... I won't press charges...)

St. Joseph's Cemetery in Rayne is the only cemetery where the graves are aligned north to south instead of east to west.

The first opera every performed in the U.S. happened in Louisiana.

Famous people born in Louisiana: Reese Witherspoon, Ellen DeGeneres, Louis Armstrong, Terry Bradshaw, Peyton and Eli Manning and Jimmy Swaggart,  

 

Southern Comfort (1981): 

John Carpenter and Walter Hill rank #1 and #2, respectively, as my favorite directors. Both Carpenter's and Hill's films occupy several several of the top movies in my list of all time favorites. as well as being the focus of a number of reviews here on The Midnite Drive-In. Carpenter is my go-to guy for horror and Hill is the same for taut action and character driven movies.

As far as Walter Hill is concerned, The Warriors, Streets of Fire and Crossroads have previously been addressed, and with today's feature, Southern Comfort, I am including one that I think sometimes may be neglected in his oeuvre. Most people will recognize such titles as the two Eddie Murphy / Nick Nolte films, 48 Hours and Another 48 Hours. I would hope that a lot of people would know about The Warriors, too, but that's just because it is the one that got my attention. Possibly some of you may even remember the Richard Pryor comedy from 1985, Brewster's Millions, which was not an action movie, but was still entertaining.

Southern Comfort comes off as something like the Burt Reynolds film Deliverance on steroids. The parallels between the two films is interesting. Both involve characters who are "strangers in a strange land" of sorts. Both have our central characters struggling to survive in the wilderness as natives to the area try to hunt them down. In both cases the main characters have engendered an enmity with the locals through some faux pas and are now being summarily hunted down.

In Southern Comfort what we have is a squad of Louisiana National Guard soldiers on maneuvers in the backwoods swamps of Louisiana. The setting is 1973. There are many reviews of the film that make this film out to be an allegory for America's involvement in Vietnam, but the director himself insists that was not the case. One reviewer I read said that Hill has a point. The negative egotism that Americans had about the "less civilized" Vietcong during that war was not unique to just Vietnam.

I personally think that Southern Comfort was just a natural progression of the same theme that Hill had used in his previous film, The Warriors, which involved a band of gang members caught behind enemy lines and just trying to survive long enough to make it to safety. There is the added feature that not all of the members of this squad of soldiers are all on the same page. This may or may not be related to the fact that these soldiers are basically just "weekend warriors". Admittedly that's a rather negative and derogatory term for National Guard troops, but one that I come by honestly, since I have personally known a few Guard  soldiers, and many of them viewed themselves as such.

Anyway, what happens is that the leader of the troop, Sgt. Poole (Peter Coyote), gets the troop lost because the map he has is not entirely accurate, due to the changing nature of the swamps. 

 

When they find themselves facing a path that is now underwater, even though the map says the land is clear, a decision is made to commandeer a few canoes (shades of Deliverance!) that belong to the locals. They leave a note saying they will be returned, since those locals are not present at the moment.

 The situation becomes a bit more dire when the soldiers see the natives and one of the soldiers, obviously not very sympathetic to these backwoods hillbillies, fires off a few shots at them. They are only equipped with blanks, not real bullets, so no damage was going to happen to them, but the natives take issue anyway. One of them fires a real bullet and takes out Poole.

Sgt. Casper (Les Lannom) takes charge, but his command is something similar to some of the in charge characters in those Vietnam movies; everything strictly by the book, including hauling the dead body of their comrade. 

 

But infighting is bound to naturally occur. Hence the character driven portion of which I spoke earlier. Among the fellow soldiers is Corporal Reece (Fred Ward), who has smuggled in some live rounds into the maneuvers. Casper, upon finding out about this, orders that Reece split the rounds between all of the soldiers, much to Reece's dismay.

 

Private Spencer (Keith Carradine) and Corporal Hardin (Powers Boothe) and the remaining squad then begin the trek to find their way out of the swamp. 

 

Meanwhile the vindictive natives have begun a quest to take out the squad. Being that they know the lay of the land quite a bit better than the interlopers, this comes off  as pretty much a foregone conclusion. Booby traps (and in one case, quicksand) one by one eliminate many of the soldiers.

 

The whole thing comes to a head when Spencer and Hardin, now the only remaining survivors, find themselves supposedly rescued and taken to "safety" of a nearby village. But the hillbillies find them, and the whole thing comes to a head. While the townspeople seem somewhat oblivious to what is happening, both Spencer and Hardin find themselves facing off against the remainder of their enemies. 

 

Among the recognizable faces in the band of soldiers is T.K. Carter, who played Nauls in The Thing and had a part in one segment of Amazon Women on the Moon. Lewis Smith played Perfect Tommy in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, as well as the guardian angel of the main character in The Heavenly Kid (which is still waiting for a screening on The Midnite Drive-In...)  Franklyn Seales might also be memorable; he was Dexter on the TV series Silver Spoons.

The film was a failure at the box office. It had a budget of $7.5 million, but only pulled in a little under $3 million in ticket sales. (My movie $$ were not a part of it... I first saw it when it came to Showtime in 1982.) However, it was fairly well received by the critics. It holds a 79% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and Roger Ebert gave it 3 stars, although that was primarily for the plotting and direction. He criticized the characters as being not much more than "stick-figure" characters.

It seems, on retrospect, that I am not the only person to note the similarities to Deliverance. According to the wikipedia article on the film (which I read AFTER having written the opening to this review), "[a]t the time critics regularly made reference to the film's plot similarities to John Boorman's 1972 thriller Deliverance".

I personally think the Burt Reynolds movie is much better, but I still like this film. It has enough action to hold interest, even if the characters are a bit cardboard. None of them really stand out as memorable, although I can really empathize with the Boothe  character; a man after my own heart, not very receptive to any BS, just wanting to get the job done and go back home to his wife and family. (One scene has him reacting negatively to a fellow soldier's plan to have a bevy of "female companions" waiting for them at the end of the maneuvers...)

Well, folks, that wraps up this trip down to Bayou Country. Drive safely.

Quiggy

 

Semiquincentennial Movie Project #16: The Evil Dead

  

 

The Semiquincentennial  Movie Project is an ongoing celebration of the 250th anniversary of the founding of the United States. During the course of this project your humble blogger is choosing a movie a week to represent each of the 50 states in the Union, as well as a movie scheduled for 4th of July weekend that will represent the nation's capitol, Washington D.C. The order of the weekly entries will coincide with the order of each state's entry into the fold (although, not necessarily coinciding with the date of their entry into said fold).

 

Week #16: Tennessee -

 

The state of Tennessee was established on June 1, 1796 

Details about Tennessee:

State bird: mockingbird

State flower: iris

State tree: tulip poplar

Additional historical trivia:

Mountain Dew, which originated in Tennessee, was originally created to mix with whiskey.

Maxwell House Coffee originated in Tennessee.

So did the Moon Pie.

Also cotton candy is from Tennessee. 

And a place in Memphis sells a whopping 12 lb. burger. (You get the idea I'm hungry right now...?)

You can shoot whales from a moving vehicle legally in Tennessee. (think about that for a minute...)

There's a bar/restaurant in Copperhill which sits in two states, Tennessee and Georgia. The part that is in Tennessee can serve alcohol.  The part that is in Georgia cannot.

The trash dumpster was first created in Tennessee. (No word on whether its also the state of the first dumpster fire...) 

Famous people born in Tennessee: Davy Crockett, Estes Kefauver, Reggie White, both of the Allman Brothers, Aretha Franklin, Dolly Parton and Jack Daniel (originator of the famous whiskey). 

The Evil Dead (1981): 

Note: I considered the pictures a bit too intense for use this week. You can check out the movie for yourself. 

At Michigan State University five students decide to take a vacation at a remote cabin in Tennessee. The intrepid explorers consist of Ash (Bruce Campbell), his sister Cheryl (Ellen Sandweiss), his girlfriend Linda (Betsy Baker), Ash's friend Scott (Hal Delrich) and Scott's girlfriend Shelly ( Sarah York).

The film opens as the five travel down the road while searching a map to determine their location. The first indication that something might be amiss is that there is a near collision with a pickup. Scott claims it wasn't his fault, somehow the steering wheel jerked out of his hands. 

The crew then have to cross a bridge that is clearly falling apart, but even though the girls are nervous, the guys insist that it is "solid as a rock". (Of course, it is not...) 

The warning signs that this might not be a good idea after all continue. When they arrive at the cabin (which looks as run down as one of those abandoned farmhouses you see on back country roads), a porch swing is banging against the wall of the cabin, but when Scott retrieves the key to the door, it suddenly stops.

You know, you might as well conclude that these "university students" must have been accepted as charity cases in the halls of higher learning, because everything that happens early on in the movie that would have normal people running for the hills are looked upon as "hmm- that's peculiar..." Like when a basement door flies open of it's own accord.  

The boys go down and find a secret torture chamber (or it looks like one anyway, bones are hanging everywhere). They also find a recording by a professor who was the last resident of the cabin, and a book that is filled with odd drawings and weird writing. They take the recording back upstairs and play it. It is the reminiscences of the professor and his study of a past civilization and his study of their Book of the Dead. The recording has the professor reading verbatim this incantations that (supposedly) will free the demonic spirits. Which, of course, they do.

The rest of the film is a series of "look out, the demons have possessed your friend",  as one by one the members of the group become possessed. The first to succumb to their evil machinations is probably the most graphic as Cheryl goes out to investigate some strange noises and is attacked by the trees. (That is a mild way of describing it. It's pretty disturbing.

Eventually, everyone but Ash ends up being made into a "new creation", so to speak. If you don't already know, there were several sequels to the original, including what I list as one of my favorites in the horror genre Army of Darkness (which is essentially Evil Dead III.) The series did eventually play up the humorous/horror camp aspect that made the rest of the films so enjoyable, but  there is very little of it in this first one. I warn you at the outset that this entry is fairly graphic. 

You want to know how "graphic"? Initially the American theaters refused to show it. It had to get its start showing in European theaters. And even then there were several countries that outright banned it.  When the movie was received in the countries that would deign to show it it had to be trimmed some to pass approval. And eventually it was released in the US, although initially with an X rating. Once again, it turns out that "X" (now call NC-17) was not always meaning some extreme sexual content. "X" was also a rating for extremely violent movies, which is why A Clockwork Orange was originally released with an "X" rating.

This is not a movie you want to watch with impressionable teenagers. Hell, it might not be a movie you want to watch yourself... This movie makes An American Werewolf in London seem like a kiddie movie. 

Believe it or not, however, my research shows that it currently has an 85% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and was well received by the critics at the time. One reviewer, Bob Martin of Fangoria Magazine claimed that it could be " loved, embraced and hailed as a new milestone in graphic horror." I'm not sure how mainstream critics viewed it, although Roger Ebert did praise the "inventive, low-budget film making and intense, kinetic style", although neither he nor Gene Siskel really liked the movie.

The film did make a profit, with a $29 million box office from a $400 budget, thus making it one of the more profitable movies in the low-budget horror genre. Thus, we can see that a sequel (or two) would definitely be in the foreseeable future. Personally I like the sequels a whole lot better, but then I always did prefer a heavy sprinkling of camp and humor in my horror movies. 

Well, folks, that's it for this week. Drive safely. And, point of warning, if you see a sign that says that bridge up ahead is dangerous, take a word from the wise ad just turn around.

Quiggy

    

The Boy Who Cried "Wolfe"

 

 

This is my entry in the 12th Annual Favourite TV Show Blogathon hosted by A Shroud of Thoughts. 

 

 

I love Sherlock Holmes, but second only to him is my love of Nero Wolfe. 

Nero Wolfe was the creation of one Rex Stout, whose first published Nero Wolfe story was Fer-de-Lance, published way back in 1934. It wasn't his first novel ever, however. He had about 9 novels under his belt before the introduction of his legacy character. But it is a sure bet that when you mention the name Rex Stout, the first thing that will come to mind of the average bibliophile will be "Oh, yeah! He wrote those Nero Wolfe stories!" 

Over the years after Wolfe appeared on the scene, there were numerous attempts to bring him into the audio and visual world. The first two attempts were in the realm of Hollywood films. Meet Nero Wolfe and The League of Frightened Men were films released in the late 30's. Then came several attempts to bring him into the home via radio programs (in the days when was radio did what TV does today).

In 1977, a pilot was created for TV, featuring Thayer David as the portly detective, but it was abandoned before it could get off the ground because David passed away shortly after it was filmed. However, a couple of years later, another attempt was made to create a TV show, this time with William Conrad as Wolfe, along with Lee Horsley as his legman, Archie Goodwin. Unfortunately that only aired for one season.

The detective was essentially on hiatus until 2000, when a producer managed to secure the rights to film another series. This series would end up lasting for two seasons and featured Maury Chaykin as Wolfe and Timothy Hutton as Archie. In my opinion this series was the best in it's portrayal of Wolfe, taking great pains to stick to the original source material. (Each episode was based on an actual story or novel written by Stout).

Both the Conrad and the Chaykin efforts got their start in their respective series with an adaptation of the Stout novel The Golden Spiders. This entry in the canon featured Wolfe out of his normal milieu, in that his "client" wasn't a rich person who could pay his exorbitant fees, but a young neighborhood boy for whom Wolfe gradually got involved because of his own sense of obligation. 

It is not a spoiler, since it is primary to the story, but in the novel the young boy is killed, and since Wolfe had served the boy some cookies and a coke at his dinner table it was an affront to his personal dedication to decorum to find the killer and bring him (or her) to justice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

First I want to tell the basic story as it appeared in print in The Golden Spiders novel by Rex Stout. I will later describe the similarities and any differences in each production. The Golden Spiders  was first published in 1953.

The story begins with Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin sitting down to dinner.  Fritz brings in the dish and Wolfe stops, distracted by the smell. He queries Fritz on the alteration of the recipe he was expecting, because Fritz had decided, on his own, to try to do it different from the normal way he had made it before. Wolfe decides to admonish Fritz and have it taken away, instead opting for some eggs and toast. But Archie throws a little gas on Wolfe's ire by saying he will sample the fare.

During this minor kerfuffle, there is a ringing of the doorbell. This further irks Wolfe, not only because he has not scheduled a meeting with anyone, but he has never conducted business during meals. When Archie goes to the door he finds, not the expected adult who would normally be the cause of intrusion, but a neighborhood kid, Pete Drossos.

Pete has a case for Wolfe. During his duties as a street window wiper he encountered a woman in a fancy car, wearing spider earrings. The woman mouthed a message to Pete; "Help! Get a cop!" but the male passenger made her drive off. Pete thinks there might be some kind of trouble and maybe a reward in it, since the car was a high end Cadillac and thus  meant she was probably rich, and wants to split it 50/50 with Wolfe if he will help.

Wolfe has Archie check out the car description, along with the license plate that Pete had jotted down. It turns out that the same car was described as having killed Matthew Birch, an agent with INS (the Immigration and. Naturalization Service). Initially Wolfe comes to the conclusion that Birch may have been the male passenger. 

The next day, the car is identified in the death of Pete on the street who had been going about his window wiping job. This in itself is an affront to Wolfe because the boy had been basically a guest in Wolfe's house.  The police, in the person of a police sergeant, comes to inquire about Wolfe's ad searching for the driver of the car that Pete saw the woman in, and informs Wolfe of the boy's death.  

Not long after they receive the news of Pete's death, his mother shows up and gives Wolfe his life savings, $4.30, and tells Wolfe that Pete's last request was that mom give the money to Wolfe and ask him to get the guy who ran him over. But Wolfe does not want to get involved, that is until a very obstinate Archie berates him and demands that he at least try to find the woman in the golden spider earrings.

Laura Fromm, a wealthy widow, shows up claiming to be said woman, but Wolfe determines she is lying. She eventually admits she was not the driver, but she thinks she knows who was. But she asks for a day to verify her suspicions. She leaves Wolfe a retainer, mostly to help her avoid being implicated in the crime. However, Laura also turns up dead, having been pushed out the window of her apartment. . There were several people at a party who were the last to see Laura alive, at a dinner party, prior to her death. Now Wolfe is strong in his conviction to get to the bottom of the crimes. And his main suspects are those people she was last seen with.

Among the people at the party were Jean Estey, Laura's secretary, Dennis Horan, an attorney who was there with his wife, and Angela Wright. All were involved in a charity that helped displaced persons (immigrants). Wolfe puts his regular associate detectives, Saul Panzer, Fred Durkin and Orrie Cather, on various angles to investigate, and Archie poses as himself, but as a less than scrupulous associate of his employer, in that he proposes to each of the suspects that he has information about the private meeting between Fromm and Wolfe that each would be interested in, but will only sell it at a price.

There are some subtle goings on in the meantime. Saul poses as an immigrant who needs help but is approached by a suspicious man who tries to blackmail him. Fred follows two hoodlums and ends up being exposed as an associate of Wolfe and is tortured. Archie and Orrie rescue Fred and take the two hoodlums back to Wolfe's place. Saul recognizes one of the hoodlums as the guy who tried to blackmail him and exposes him as a small time gambler "Lips" Egan. It turns out that Egan's lawyer is Horan, one of the friends last seen with Laura Fromm, but he is not so willing to own up to knowing who Egan is.

As typical in a Wolfe mystery, Wolfe invites all of the suspects to his office and with the presence of Inspector Cramer, exposes the culprit. It turns out that Fromm's secretary, Jean, was running a scam operation that blackmailed potential immigrants into paying money for a quick transition to citizenship. Fromm had discovered the scam, as had Birch, so that's why they were killed. Pete was just a kid in the wrong place at the wrong time, but he could have easily identified Jean as the woman driving the car, and maybe Birch as the passenger.    

Nero Wolfe  The Golden Spiders (air date Jan. 16, 1981):

Cast members:

Nero Wolfe: William Conrad

Archie Goodwin: Lee Horsley

Fritz Brenner (cook): George Voskovec

Inspector Cramer: Allan Miller

Saul Panzer: George Wyner

Pete Drossos: David Hollander

Mrs. Drossos (Pete's mom): Rhoda Gemignani

Laura Fromm: Penelope Windust 

Jean Etsey: Carlene Watkins

Angela Bell (subbing for Angela Wright from the novel): Katherine Justice

 

 

The 1981 version of the story diverges quite often from the original source novel. In the first place, Archie is not dining with Wolfe as he has a date, but after he plays his prank with Wolfe and Wolfe decides to call his bluff, he is forced to forgo the date and take notes.

The second thing is the boy is not killed. Chalk this one up to late 70's / early 80's sensibilities. You couldn't exactly have a kid die, even if it was after the family hour block of night time TV programming.

What stays the same is the appearance of Pete's mother who gives Wolfe the money Pete had (which, this being 1980 instead of 1953, is actually a bit more than the $4.30 from the novel),  and gives him the message that Pete asked Wolfe to find out who ran him over. And Laura Fromm does show up. And she is indeed exposed as a fraud.

Of course, it goes without saying, that any of the subplot involving attempts to remove Pete from the land of the living after the accident are not a part of the original novel, including a scene where a hit man from New York who had been hired by someone as yet unknown in the timeline of the story. The same hitman tried to take Archie out of the picture by wiring his car to explode. Needless to say, there was not hitman in the original novel.

Being that this novel had to be condensed to accommodate the 50 minute running time, there were several subplots that had to be left by the wayside. For one, most of the scenes involving the small time hoodlums were left by the curb. And those that were included had to leave out the characters of Fred Durkin and Orrie Cather. Saul Panzer filled in most of those other two roles in his own story line with the undercover operation he was conducting.

At least they didn't change the ultimate reveal of the criminal murderer. But one other point, one that might disturb people who insist on their favorite characters being consistent with the ones in print, is the fact that Nero Wolfe, who almost NEVER left the house, and when he did it was almost always in the company of his legman Archie, leaves to visit the boy in the hospital. Although we don't actually see him in the hospital, it is implied that he WAS there.

This particular episode, being ostensibly a translation to film of a bona fide story in the Nero Wolfe canon, is a little frustrating for someone, like me, who objects to changes in the story. The TV version only bears some resemblance to the original novel, and there are enough alterations that, while entertaining in it's own right, come off more like one of those older radio shows: i.e. based on the characters of Rex Stout's creation, but not entirely consistent. 

The series only lasted one season, and of the 14 episodes in the run, 6 of them were original stories (that is, not based on any specific story in the canon. Of the remaing 12 stories, all of them ostensibly based on Stout

Nero Wolfe The Golden Spiders (air date Mar. 5, 2000):

Cast members: 

Nero Wolfe: Maury Chaykin

Archie Goodwin: Timothy Hutton

Fritz Brenner (cook): Colin Fox

Inspector Cramer: Bill Smitrovich

Saul Panzer: Saul Rubinek

Pete Drossos: Robert Clark

Mrs. Drossos (Pete's mom): Nancy Beatty

Laura Fromm: Mimi Kuzyk

Jean Etsey: Larissa Laskin

Angela Wright: Nicky Guadagni

Orrie Cather: Trent McMullen

Fred Durkin: Fulvio Cecere

 

Being that there was a lot more time to develop the story (the running time of a typical episode of the series ran anywhere from an hour and a half to two hours), the episode based on The Golden Spiders could spend a lot more time fleshing out characters. Not only that,  but the producers were more faithful to the original source. Typically if any changes were made, they usually consisted of condensing the scenes to make them more manageable (as would be the case if they were filming a major story for theater release.)

The best part of this and some of the other episodes in the series was that they had decided at the outset to keep the episodes firmly entrenched in the 1940's. You won't see a cell phone or a computer, or for that matter, a car on the road that is not a 40's or earlier model. 

The stories that Rex Stout wrote ran from the 30's into the 70's, and although the other kept them more or less current with the times, they never aged. So in 1934, Archie was about 30 and Nero was about 50, and in 1975, Archie was about 30 and Nero was about 50. Same with the TV series. 

The interesting facts to pint out are: Since this was basically just a one-off  film with as yet no plans to develop a series, you may notice a few things. For one, the character of Saul Panzer was played by Saul Rubinek, but when the series moved forward, Rubinek was cast as Archie's newspaper contact, Lon Cohen, and the Panzer role was taken over by Conrad Dunn.

Most of the TV series actors, other than the ones playing main characters are not here. Did you know the TV series was basically run as a touring company type of show? Meaning many actors were recycled into various roles throughout the series, much like a traveling Shakespeare touring company, also referred to elsewhere as an "ensemble cast".

As stated earlier in this post, one of the things I admire about this episode is that the producers didn't shy away from pointing out that the young boy Pete Drossos was killed. Apparently 20 years since the 1981 TV show, they thought the audience could handle such a drastic event. To be honest, I really couldn't find ANY drastic changes to the script. Those few that did occur are so minimal that only a nit-picker could grouse about them.

As I stated in a previous blog entry on the overall series, The Big Bad Wolfe, this series is well worth checking out. 

Until next time, drive safely folks.

Quiggy

 

Muscles and Steel

 Note; It wasn't planned, of course, since this blogathon was created a few months ago, but I think it's fitting that I should dedicate this entry to the memory of one one of the most iconic voices in Hollywood, James Earl Jones. Jones, in case you were unaware, left the scene earlier this week.  Not only did he give us the memorable voice of Darth Vader, but he played both good and bad guys with style, Go check out some of his classic roles.  (Here he was Thulsa Doon in the first entry of this double feature).

This is my entry in the Barbarians at the Gates blogathon hosted by Hamlette's Soliloquy and yours truly.

The barbarian movie begins (but not necessarily ends) with Conan.  There were a few others, to be sure that predated the two Arnold Schwarzenegger movies featuring the iconic warrior, but I would be willing to bet $$ it would never have taken off to the heights it did it if "The Governator" hadn't come on the scene.

Imagine, for a moment, if you will... Conan the Barbarian... starring...Charles Bronson.  Believe it or not, in the early 70's when this production first started getting batted around Hollywood, Chuck was one of the guys considered. Now Bronson would have been in his 50's, and I don't know for sure how buff he was then, but still...

Another was William Smith (who actually did get a brief role as Conan's father early in the film).  He was a bit younger than Chuck, by 10 years, but still. A mid-40's Conan? 

The third option, and by this time beefcake enough to have pulled it off, was... Sylvester Stallone.  Well, he was indeed turning to a muscular behemoth even in the  early 80's.   And he could have given Arnold himself a run for his money when it came to enunciating.  But I still don't think the swords and sorcery genre would have taken off quite the way it did if Stallone had been at the helm. 

One note in particular about the first movie.  The background to the character of Conan is changed somewhat from what my research says was Robert E. Howard's background for his character.  In the novels Conan develops in his village as a muscular warrior and goes off to the road to adventure from there.  But the movie has a different tack on it.

In the film, a quiet village goes through day to day life.  Conan's father (William Smith) is a metalworker and teaches his young son about what they believe and the legends of their peoples. This includes a down to earth god, much like the people that worship him, Crom.

Into this bucolic setting rides an invading horde.  Since the end result is that the village is burned to the ground and all the men are killed (and maybe even all the women), apparently they are only there to get Conan, who is taken captive.

Conan watches as the warriors lay waste to his village, killing his father.  And then, while standing there holding his mother's hand, the leader of this marauding horde rides up, and removes his helmet.  Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones). doesn't even need to say a word.  (We don't actually get to hear Jones' iconic voice until much later in the movie.).  All he has to do is just stare into the eyes of Conan's mother and she drops her sword.  And then Doom beheads her.

Conan, along with several other boys, are taken captive, and eventually put to work as slaves turning a wheel.  At the start, all of them turn the wheel. (And what the point of this wheel is is never really clear...) Eventually all of the other children fall to the wayside (whether by death or some other circumstances is also not really clear.)

This leaves Conan himself, who through all this has become a very muscular older man.  And he is released from his captivity.  The scene shifts to him, supposedly free (but still has some remnants of chains on him so I'm not sure.) Being chased by wild dogs he hides in a cavern which quite possibly is a burial tomb.  A skeleton that appears to have been a former king sits on a throne with a sword.  Conan takes the sword, cleans it up and removes the remaining chains.

When he gets out of the cave/tomb he encounters a witch who revels to him some important information on where he can find the men who killed his father.  He has to go to a town where more will be revealed.  Along the way he meets a thief named Subotai (Gerry Lopez) and the woman with whom he becomes infatuated, Valeria (Sandahl Bergman).  

The trio raid a tower and kill a big snake and get some jewels, but their escapade comes to the attention of the local king, Osric (Max von Sydow),

Osric gives them a quest, rescue his daughter who has come under the influence of a powerful sorcerer (you guessed it, Thulsa Doom). Both Subotai and Valeria try to convince Conan to turn down this quest, but, revenge is a dish best served cold (to quote another movie).  Conan has to go after Doom for the honor his dead parents and ends up taking it alone since neither is willing to go on this obviously no-win endeavor.  (I mean Thulsa Doom is renowned for his big time status as a wizard after all.)

Conan makes his way to the citadel and runs across a small time wizard (Mako) in his own right (and by coincidence our humble narrator of the saga),  who gives him some help but sends him on his way.  Conan arrives at Doom's citadel. where he poses as a wannabe convert, with the help of a priest whose robes he "confiscates".

But Thulsa sees through him (wizard, remember?) and orders him to be crucified.  But Conan is not going to go down so easily. Even as he is crucified and beginning to be eaten by vultures he still tries to fight back.  And to his rescue come his friends. Both Subotai and Valeria come around to his way of thinking and agree to help him on his quest to rescue Osric's daughter. But first they must nurse him back to health and for that they need the help of a wizard.  The same wizard Conan met on his way to Doom's citadel.

 But ultimately Doom has some manner of magic and Valeria ends up dying. 

Conan pleads with Crom to help him in his quest for revenge. And since Valeria has previously promised if she died and Conan needed her help to defeat the powers of darkness, well..

They don't get much more magical than this.  You have to summon some serious powers to defeat a big time wizard like Doom, and Conan is going to need every bit of it.

So I'll leave just a bit of stuff for you to check out, but since Conan returns in the sequel you know somehow he's gonna win.  But just how is worth the wait.

Conan the Destroyer (1984):

The ensuing years since Conan defeated the power of Thulsa Doom and his minions ad lost his great love Valeria have not been easy for Conan.  He wanders the world looking for things to help him deal with his loss, but nothing seems to fill the void. At the time of the beginning of this film, he is just an itinerant thief, working with a fellow thief, Malak (Tracey Walter).

Into his world comes a band of soldiers who are intent upon, not killing him, but capturing him. He is able to fend them off fairly well, well enough that the leader of the band stops the fight.  The leader turns out to be a queen, Taramis (Sarah Douglas), who has been seeking a champion for a quest.  And she has the right bait to lure Conan, since power and money are not an incentive.  She promises him, at the outset, that she can bring back Valeria from the dead.  And, Conan, being a lovesick mourner (as well as not as cynical as I would be), falls for her bait.

So what is this quest?  Conan is hired to accompany Taramis' niece, Jehnna (Olivia D'Abo), on a journey to retrieve a key that will be used to revive the god Dagoth.  

It is a convoluted myth, but basically Jehnna is the prophesied girl who is the only one who can actually touch said key.  Conan will accompany Jehnna, and Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain), Taramis' captain of the guards, on this quest.  

What neither Conan, or for that matter Jehnna, know is that Taramis is trying to fulfil a prophecy that will bring a god back to life, but that will require the sacrifice of Jehnna, the "virgin" that so often shows up in these kinds of legends.

 And, also, it turns out, Taramis has no intention of fulfilling her promise to Conan (whether she could or not). She instructs Bombaata to kill Conan once the key is retrieved.

So we begin the journey, Conan, Jehnna, Bombaata and Malak.  But along the way we will acquire a few other travelers, including the wizard friend from the previous adventure (Mako), who has since acquired a name, Akiro.  Akiro has to be rescued, however, since he is currently the main course of a feast for cannibals.

Also, in a village, they come across a woman who is chained and fending off six tormenters.  She is the last of a band of marauders that had attempted to raid the town..  After helping her (simply by unchaining her), Conan and the band ride on.  But the woman, Zula (Grace Jones) follows and wants to join with Conan on his quest.

The first step is to somehow get in to the castle of Thoth-Amon (Pat Roach), which is located out in the middle of a lake (and since Thoth-Amon is a wizard, guarded by some serious magic).  Conan insists they wait until morning to try their attempt, but Thoth-Amon has other ideas.  He turns into a giant bird and captures Jehnna.  (Using some pretty cheesy special effects to accomplish it...) Leaving the rest of the band to figure out how to rescue her and complete the quest of retrieving the key they came for.

They invade the castle, but are greeted by far greater magic than they have encountered yet.  Conan has to fight a creature in a room full of mirrors.  A creature comes out of each mirror and combines to form one creature, one that seems almost impervious to anything Conan can try to defeat it.  The solution to it's defeat is not necessarily ingenious (in fact in retrospect it seems kind of cheesy) but it is a satisfying solution.  (And I won't give it away, but I bet even if you've never seen the movie you can guess how to defeat this creature.)

It turns out that the creature's death also results in the death of Thoth-Amon, who had used magic to make himself the creature.  So now Conan and company can retrieve the key they came for.

The next part of the journey should be without Conan, since this is the point that the queen gave Bombaata instructions to dispatch him.  But Conan has other plans.  Bombaata, for his part, manages to convince Conan that the queen's guards have attacked on their own, not by orders of the queen.  Conan, if anything, gullible to subterfuge, believes him.  So the crowd continues on its way to the next quest, which is to use the key they got to retrieve the real relic they were after.  A cavern, and a big stone door that requires the strength of both Conan and Bombaata to open.  (So it turns out that it's a good thing Bombaata and the guards didn't succeed.)

Inside the hidden room is the horn of Dagoth, and an inscription which Akiro translates and discovers the ultimate destiny both of Jehnna and the horn.  But when Akiro tells Conan of the writing he dismisses it.  

Eventually Bombaata manages, he thinks, to trap the rest in the cavern and escapes with the girl.  but since this is Conan, the rest manage to escape and decide to go back to the city to try and stop the queen's evil plans.

The rest is the battle that occurs after the horn is replaced and the statue of Dagoth is revived.  But in order to complete the rite, you remember, Jehnna the virgin must be sacrificed.  Of course, if the rite is not completed as it is written things could go awry. Which of course is what happens.

So how does Conan defeat the evil forces?  Watch the movie!

It's too bad that the saga did not continue from here.  But then if it had we would have missed out on a few other great movies that Schwarzenegger did from here on out.  But it was not necessarily the end of Conan on film.  There was a 2011 reboot with Jason Momoa as the titular character.  But since it failed to even recoup it's production money at the box office, that pretty much torched a Momoa sequel. But we can always keep our hopes up, because Hollywood never lets a budget deficit completely bury a potential possibility of new reboots.

Well, folks, time to head out for home (wherever home may be).  Keep an eye out for those wizards, you never know what they might be up to.

Quiggy

The Neighbors from Hell

 

 

This is my entry in The Neighbors  Blogathon hosted by Taking Up Room and yours truly.

OK.  So here's a premise.  You've got a low-key, sedate and almost milquetoast man.  He lives a day-to-day life with his equally mousy wife.  Until a loud brash and overly invasive neighbor and his sexpot wife move next door.  Now you cast Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi as the male characters.  So which one is the obnoxious one and which one is the guy you would be comfortable with because you know he is a quiet kind of guy?

It's just quite possible you've got those two roles switched.  At least, if you are like me and remember Belushi as Bluto in Animal House or Jake Blues in The Blues Brothers. If that's the case you probably think Belushi is playing to type and is the radical invasive new neighbor.

But here's the kicker.  It's Belushi who is the laid back quiet guy and it's Aykroyd who is the neighbor from Hell.

If you've ever wondered what kind of future Belushi might have had if he hadn't let drugs take priority in his life, Neighbors is an insight into his potential.  Aykroyd lived long enough to show a wide range of possibilities as an actor Sure he made a mark in some off-key roles in movies like Doctor Detroit and, of course, Ghostbusters, but he also had some straight-laced roles like the son of Jessica Tandy in Driving Miss Daisy. I like to think that Belushi might have made some similar roles work, too.  And as Earl Keese, I think he showed some potential to move that direction.

For instance, Eating Raoul, which involves a couple of would-be swingers who put in want ads for sex couplings in the personal ads with the intention of luring them in and killing them to supply food for a struggling restaurant.  (It's funny, trust me, if you can get past the somewhat off-setting initial premise.)

Neighbors was based on a novel by Thomas Berger.  Berger is probably best known as the author of the novel Little Big Man, which was filmed starring Dustin Hoffman.  The  script for Neighbors  was written by Larry Gelbart, the man behind the scenes writing for the TV series M.A.S.H. The movie was directed by John G. Avildsen, the Academy Award winning director of Rocky (as well as having directed the first three Karate Kid movies).  The soundtrack was written by Bill Conti, himself an Academy Award winner (The Right Stuff).  As you can see, the movie has enough of a cache of talent that it should have been a winner.

Oh, and by the way, just a point of pre-history.  The original casting of this film did have Aykroyd and Belushi playing the opposite roles.  Would it have been the same?  Or would this be a movie buried even farther into the dark past as just a knock-off follow up to previous Belushi/Aykroyd endeavors?  Who knows?

So here we go with Neighbors (not to be confused with the movie of the same name with the same name from 2014 with Seth Rogen and Zach Efron).

 

Neighbors (1981):

One of the hallmarks of what I refer to as dark comedy is that expectations are never what you get. Watch out with this one, though.  Just when you think you've finally got a line on it, the fish wil slip the hook and leave you wondering where it went.

Earl (John Belushi) and Enid (Kathryn Walker)  Keese are a typical suburban couple who live on a cul-de-sac in which there are only two houses.  

 

The Keese household looks pretty sedate, although the neighboring house is kind of run-down.  (To me it looks sort of like a reject for the Bates house in Psycho... which may or may not be fitting considering what is to come.

 

The neighbor house has been empty for a few months, but there are new neighbors moving in.   Here comes the neighbors.  Vic (Dan Aykroyd) and Ramona (Cathy Moriarty).  Earl observes they've got new neighbors and they are not shy at all. 

 
First to show up is Ramona, who basically makes herself at home (in more ways than one).  

Then Vic shows up. 

 

Both of them are uninhibited.  As to why, well, that's a secret we don't find out until late in the movie.  Suffice to say, the (mostly) proper Earl is a bit put off.  Especially since his wife doesn't seem to ever see much of the strangeness, and that which she does see is taken for charm by Enid.

At the outset, Vic invites himself and Ramona over for dinner.  He volunteers to go get take out from an Italian place in town, generously offering to drive Earl's car for the job. And use Ear's money.  (Geez, what a stand-up guy...)

Except Vic takes the money and then goes over to his house and cooks up a spaghetti meal in his own kitchen.  Earl spies on him and, apparently, decides that is not too kosher.  So he decides to play a trick on Vic and move his truck.  Except the truck has no brakes, so it ends up at the bottom of a swamp. (Why is a swamp in this cul-de-sac in suburbia?  Who knows?)

Things go back and forth between Earl and Vic.  And Earl also has to deal with Ramona who seems determined to put Earl at ill ease by coming on to him.  Which Earl is not entirely put off by.  (Maybe Earl isn't the dedicated husband he tries to put up a front as, after all..)

Interspersed with this is the arrival of Earl and Enid's daughter,  Elaine (Lauren-Marie Taylor), home from school because she has been kicked out of the private school she was attending.  Elaine also likes Vic and Ramona and doesn't see any of the shenanigans.

 

One of the highlights of the film is the appearance of Pa Greavey (Tim Kazurinsky), a crotchety old geezer who operates an all-night auto shop and towing service who shows up to get Vic's truck out of the swamp.  Of course, initially, he thinks Earl's car is the one he has been called to tow, and is quite put out when he finds absolutely nothing wrong with it.

 

Eventually Vic's actions end up with the house next door catching on fire and burning down.  And the truth comes out.  Vic and Ramona did not actually buy the house.  They just commandeered it from their nurse at the mental institution they escaped from.  Vic and Ramona are not married, they did not have insurance on the house and they are basically on the run from the insane asylum. And are going to hit the road (because what other choice do they have?)

They return, however and invite Earl to go with them.  And because Earl's boring life has been dramatically changed (for better or worse, you decide), he decides to go with them.

 

There you go.  As much as this movie had going for it, it did manage a profit (probably due to expectations from fans of Belushi for another madcap performance from the star of Animal House). But it never really was  a big hit. Of course, dark comedy is what might be called an "acquired" taste/ but if you like movies like Heathers and War of the Roses this film might appeal to you.

Well folks, if your neighbors are not like these guys, you probably owe a prayer of thanks.  Or maybe, just maybe, you could use something to shake up the dull life.  Either way, be sure to drive safely.

Quiggy

Respect the Fedora

 

 

 

 

 

How I got here:

Do you remember where you were in the summer of 1981?  Some of you may not have even been born yet, admittedly.  Me, I was 19, on my way to my 20th birthday later that year.  But I still remember the first time I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark. (Note: that was the full title when it was first released.  It didn't garner the additional designation of Indiana Jones and the part until the release of the boxed set in 1999.)

I was visiting a college friend one weekend and, on the way home, I decided to check out the movie which had been out for a couple of weeks by that time. I remember thinking it was a great adventure.  I was talking to my sister and apparently we went to see it together.  But I'm pretty sure i must have convinced her to go after seeing it the first time.

I have always like these kinds of movies.  So by the time Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom rolled into theaters, I was ready for the next installment.  Doom did not impress me, but it didn't disappoint me enough to turn me off of the franchise. (My sister no longer went to movies with me by this time, so I only saw it alone).

By the time Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade hit theaters I was ready to try to get back into the story.  By that time I was a student at what was then called Southwest Texas State University ( it has since changed to just Texas State University).  I was involved with a campus Christian group which was preparing for it's annual leadership conference in Washington D.C.  As a group, several of us went to see Crusade on the last night before we were to start our trek to D.C.

Everyone in the group greatly enjoyed Crusade. It would be 20 years before another installment of Indiana Jones came along. By that time, Harrison ford, who has played the adult Indiana for the entire run, was 66.  I had become jaded by then, since I was in my late 40s, and just couldn't wrap my brain around an aging old man playing a character who was supposedly still spry.

Note: I really have no idea how old Indiana Jones is supposed to be in any of the films.  Given that he is old enough to be a Boy Scout in 1912 at the beginning of Crusade, I estimate he was probably born in the late 90's.  For argument's sake and a point of reference, lets just put it at 1897.  That means he was in his late 30's/ early 40's for the first three movies and 60 by the time of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  In comparison, Ford was about 40 in 1981 and mid 60's by 2008. OK, so at least they aren't trying to get away with much.  But, still...

Anyway, as a result of that trepidation (and the fact that I was dealing with glaucoma which severely limited my movie going enjoyment and experience) it wasn't until after it was released on DVD that I finally got to see Crystal Skull. 

Despite all that, I am, as of the start of this entry, on the verge of going to see the new release, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Ford is 80 at the time of this and his character, if what I read on wikipedia is right, is 72 (based on the calculation I arbitrarily made for his birth above).  If being a 60 year adventurer seemed a bit too much, I am having a REALLY hard time accepting a 72 year old, but I will at least approach it with an open mind.  (see the last entry in this post for a follow-up to this initial thought.) 

Note: I wrote the last paragraph prior to going to see the new movie.  Here a few days later, as I finish this entry I still have some problems with accepting the 70+  character acting like a 40 year old, but what the hell, it's only a movie.

 

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981):

 1936: The saga starts of slam bang with Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) attempting to find a sacred idol.  He is accompanied by Satipo (Alfred Molina).  (For some reason I keep hearing Jones call him "Sapito" Not sure if this is a character error or if they mistakenly misspelled it in the credits...)  Anyway, Jones has to maneuver a trap laden cavern to get to the idol.  But success is fleeting, as when he exits the cavern he is stopped by the natives and Rene Belloq (Paul Freeman), a rival archaeologist with less scruples than a spider with a flytrap.  Belloq takes the idol away from Jones and Jones is left to escape the natives empty handed.

Back at the university where he is a professor, Jones and his boss, the dean of the university, Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliot), are approached by two men representing the U.S. government.  It seems that an old professor from Jones' university student days is being sought for an artifact that the Nazis want, to help them find a sacred relic, the Lost Ark of the Covenant. The Ark, a sacred Jewish relic, has been lost for centuries, but the Nazis think they might have a line on how to find it.  The reason they want the ark is it just might be the most powerful aid to help them win the war. Jones is recruited to find the artifact they seek before they do.

The daughter of the old professor, Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen) , might know it's whereabouts so Jones heads to Nepal, her last known whereabouts.  But the Nazis also know where Marion is, and the villainous Nazi Toht (Ronald Lacey) is sent to her location. Although the Nazis are not successful at retrieving the artifact, they do get some help. Toht gets burned by the red hot artifact, searing half of the writing on his hand.  Note to self: Never try to pick up a metal object that has been sitting near a red hot fire for several minutes... (not that I needed to be reminded, but apparently Toht did.)

 Armed with the relic, Jones and Marion head to Cairo to meet up with Sallah (John Rhys-Davies), an ally who is one of the many employed by the Nazis for a dig near the site of the ancient city of Tanis, where the lost ark is thought to be located.  Coincidentally (or not, this is the movies, after all), also on hand at the dig is Belloq.  But, as Jones discovers, they are digging for the Ark in the wrong place.  (Remember Toht and his unfortunate tattoo?  It seems he has only 1/2 the information needed to discover it's location.)

Using ALL the information, Jones discovers the true location of the Ark and rescues it from it's sandy crypt.  But, then, you know that's not all the story. The last 1/3 of the movie involves Jones rescuing the ark, losing it, rescuing it again and losing it, until the final confrontation where Belloq tries to initiate a Jewish ritual before opening the ark.

Raiders of the Lost ark ranks as #2 on my list of ranking the films.  Most lists I saw put it at #1, but I chalk that up to people who never forget their first love (or their first introduction to the character of Indiana Jones.)

 

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984):

 The second installment of the series actually takes place a  year or so before the events of Raiders. At the beginning, Jones is in Shaghai to exchange a relic to a Chinese big wig (read: mobster) named Lao Che (Roy Chiao) for a valuable diamond.  The exchange takes place at Lao Che's nightclub where the main attraction is a singer named Willi Scott (Kate Capshaw).

Of course, Lao is not about to play fair. He poisons Jones and demands the diamond back in exchange for the antidote.  Chaos breaks out as Jones and Lao's henchmen run amok.  Jones escapes the bar with Willi and boards a plane.  But the plane is owned by Lao and the pilots desert the plane in mid-flight.  Setting up the plot, as Jones and Scott and Jones's diminutive partner, Short Round (Ke Huy Quan) have to desert the plane, too, before it crashes.

They are helped to a native Indian village where devastation has occured.  The village's sacred stone has been taken, as well as the children of the village.  Jones is given the task of retrieving the stone from it's captors.  This leads the band the the palace of Pankot, where the residents are under the spell o of Mola Ram (Amrish Puri), an Indian shaman trying to re-institute the worship of Kali, the god of destruction and change in the Hindu religion, as well as the Thugee cult which was dedicated to ridding the country of it;s British rule.

Mola Ram and his Thugee cult are using the children as slave labor, mining the area for more of the sacred stones needed to complete a ritual that will put Kali in full power.  There is a lot of a religious aspect to this whole scene, something which it had been already established that Jones didn't subscribe to, but he does have enough knowledge to know what is going on.  His goal to achieve the release of the children and the retrieval of the village's sacred stone are hinged to the cult practice of human sacrifice

In case you didn't know, Jones is successful in the end, despite the interference of Mola Ram (and on occasion, Willi).

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom ranks as #5 on the list.  A lot of that has to do with the less than believable plot, but a good portion of it is attributed to Capshaw as Willi.  That is not necessarily a bad mark on her performance, she isn't bad as an actress.  But her character is the most annoying, shrill and self-centered woman I have ever seen on film. Personally, I would have shoved her out of the plane early on. If Capshaw is even remotely like the character she plays I fell sorrow (and respect) for Spielberg for putting up with her for all these years. (But she probably isn't anything like Willi in real life.)

 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989):

 We get some background to Indiana Jones' character in the early part of the movie.  In 1912 he is a Boy Scout (played by River Phoenix) who happens upon a grave robbing scene while on a camp out with his Boy Scout troop.  He retrieves the Cross of Coronado only to have to give it up.  Jones' father makes an appearance, although we don't actually see who it is until later in the movie, (but you can't miss Sean Connery's voice if you are familiar with him.  Note: there's a reason why you don't see him.  That's not actually Connery in the scene.  But his voice was dubbed in.)

During the chase to get the Cross back we are introduced to many of the familiar quirks and accoutrements of the character, such has how he acquired his fear of snakes as well as how he got his trademark fedora and whip.  27 years later Jones reacquires the cross and defeats the man who originally took it from him.

In the new installment the story is started off by the fact that Walter Donovan (Julian Glover) is on a quest to find the Holy Grail (the legendary cup that Christ drank from at the Last Supper as well as caught the blood as he was dying on the cross.) Jones' father was the expert on the trail, but it has turned out he has disappeared, so Donovan entreats Jones to take up the quest where his father left off. He makes this journey with his dean of the archaeology department, Marcus Brody (with Denholm Elliot reprising his role from Raiders).

Jones ends up in Venice where he meets Dr. Elsa Schneider (Alison Doody) who helps him locate key artifacts in his quest.  But it turns out, as will be seen later, that her loyalties lie with an entirely different set of principles.  Need a hint?  This is 1938, and they ARE in Europe, and she is Austrian... Also during this trip, Jones meets up with the nefarious villain of the piece. (No, not Hitler, himself, although Jones does manage to meet him in person briefly.) No, this is Toht's (remember Toht from Raiders?) counterpart, SS Colonel Vogel (Michael Byrne, making him the second Nazi villain played by an English actor, to perfection I might add).

In the process, Jones finds and frees his father from captivity in a Nazi fortress and the two go off in quest of the Grail with the help of Jones, Sr.'s Grail diary. Using all the clues that are found, they locate the hiding place of the Grail, but Jones has to alter his perceptions slightly when it comes to navigating the booby-trap laden passage to the hiding place.

Last Crusade  gets the #1 spot in my list of the best in the series. Sean Connery's prescence as Jones' father boosts it up past Raiders in my opinion.  Plus the adventure gets an added bonus because of the Grail legends that abound in it.  Personally, I'd much prefer to find the Grai than the Ark of the Covenant if I were a true historian (rather than the amateur one I am today. Can't call myself a real historian since I never finished getting my degree in history...)

 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008):

It's 1957. Jones has been taken hostage by Russians.  He is given the task of finding one crate in a warehouse full of them. Like finding a needle in a haystack?  Well, not necessarily.  The crate they want is one that came from an event in Roswell, New Mexico.

Yes, that Roswell, and if you are already ahead of me you already have an idea what's in the crate.  So the head of the Russian contingent, Dr. Irina Spaiko (Cate Blanchett) and her KGB comrades take possession of the crate, despite the heroic efforts of the (60 yer old) Jones trying to stop them.  Jones escapes but ends up hiding out in a fake town, one built for a nuclear test site.  Moments before the bomb goes off he hides in a refrigerator and survives. (Not likely, if you ask me, but you have to make some allowances when watching Indiana Jones movies).

After rescue he becomes a person of interest to the F.B.I. and is summarily dismissed from the university (although they term it as a leave with pay)

He decides to go to Europe, but while on the train he meets up with Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf) who gets him to help rescue his mother and an old colleague.  The colleague, Dr. Oxley (John Hurt), was on a search for a legendary Incan city of gold, El Dorado, when he ran into his own problems with the Russians. 

After retrieving a crystal skull in the lost grave of some legendary missing conquistadors, Jones and Mutt head off for another legendary city, Akator.  Of course, the russians are hot on his trail.  He is captured where he finds that his old colleague Oxley, who has apparently lost his mind, is a captive.  Not only that, but mutt's mother is a captive, too.  Guess who Mutt's mother is...?  If you said Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen) then you are absolutely right.  We also find out that Mutt's relationship to Jones is a lot closer than either of them suspected. (yeah, you are on the right track there...)

So the quest to return the skull is off and running as, as usual, Jones escapes, is captured (again), escapes (again) etc. (and just as a side note, how can so many supposedly expert soldiers with machine guns fire off so many bullets but not hit anybody?) Ultimately we arrive at Akator where it turns out that there is an aspect to this alien story that may not have been expected.

So why did (and still do) so many loyal fans of the first three films hate this film?  Maybe it was the whole alien theme that came into it.  The Jones saga "nuked the fridge" (a real term based on the "jump the shark" trope) when it added an alien theme to the mix, apparently.  It got good reviews from quite a few reviewers.  Roger Ebert, for one, gave it 3 1/2 stars. Fans, on the other hand, for the most part, rank this one as 5th in the 5 movie series. The new Dial of Destiny is already being hailed as #3.

As for myself, I liked this outing. Of course, I'm much more prone to liking a bit of aliens thrown into the mix.  Therefore, I put Crystal Skull in the ranking as #4.  Much better than Temple of Doom and neck and neck with the new Dial of Destiny for the 3 spot.  That ranking may change after I have seen Dial a second time, however, but I am giving the new one a better ranking just for it being new and fresh.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023):

OK. so we are in the late 1960's now. As I said early in this post, based on the arbitrary date of birth I estimate that Indiana Jones must be close to 80).  Although at the beginning, it is still in the 40's, and through the magic of CGI and some make-up, Ford does look like he's still in his 40's.His dean, Marcus Brody, does not make an appearance, because, after all, I told you in the previous entry that the actor Denholm Elliot had passed away. Jones and his colleague, Basil Shaw (Toby Jones) are seeking to free the Lance of Longinus, a relic related to the Christian tradition.  It is supposed the spear used to pierce Jesus' side to cause him to bleed to death on the cross and make sure he was dead. It is of course the Nazis who are seeking the Lance. (as a side note: You know, for a group of people who rejected the trappings of Judeo-Christian beliefs, Hitler and his ilk sure did seem to seek out some very Judeo-Christian relics...)

Anyway, as the Nazi scientist Vollmer (Mads Mikkelsen) helping the Nazis locate the Lance points out, the relic they find is a fake.  But in the process, he has discovered 1/2 of the Dial of Archimedes. This is the relic that drives the story as 25 years later Vollmer,, who survived whatever criminal roundup gathered all those Nazi scientists back in '44, is still on the lookout for the other 1/2 of that dial.

You see, Archimedes apparently had discovered a way to travel through time and developed tis dial as a way to find fissures in the time-space continuum. Hut he had the wherewithal to know, apparently, that it could be used for evil purposes (like, oh I don't know, say, a former Nazi 700 years in the future seeking a way to change the outcome of the past...?)

Jones is accompanied this round by his goddaughter, the daughter of his former colleague Shaw, Helena (Phoebe Waller-Bridge).  Both he and Vollmer go on a quest trying to beat the other to find the other half of the dial.  What Jones intends to do with it may not be entirely certain although he does say that he would use it to go back and prevent his son, who had been killed while serving in the military, from ever signing up.

You would think, and rightly so, that Vollmer plans to go back and make sure the Nazis win WWII. But if you think you have a line on how, it's a good bet you'd be mistaken.  Since we don't find out his true objective until 3/4 of the way through the movie, I won't spoil it.  I will tell you that the dial is not just a worthless relic that has no power, however.  But what happens at the end was a pleasant surprise.  I concluded, just as the movie was nearing it's climax that they were going to throw a curve ball (to use a baseball metaphor), but instead got one hell of a slider (another baseball metaphor, and no baseball does not figure into the ending, but at this writing it is almost time for the MLB All-Star game, so it's on my mind...)

I told friends on Facebook that this movie is better than Temple of Doom and it is.I'm ranking it #3 on the list.  Another decent Nazi villain and the aspect of time travel push this one up the list. Always did like time travel stories.

So if you made it this far here is a summary of my rankings (which doesn't gibe with anyone else's that I could find, but it's my blog, so my list...)

1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

2. Raiders of the Lost Ark

3. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny  

4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

5. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Hope you enjoyed the trip.  The old Plymouth is fired up and we are heading home now.  Drive safely.

 

Quiggy