Claustrophobic Terror

 

 

This is my second entry in the Film. Release. Repeat. Blogathon hosted by Hamlette's Soliloquy and yours truly.

 

 

 

I make no bones about it. My favorite director is John Carpenter and five of his films are in my top ten favorite movies of all time. I missed out on Halloween when it first hit the theater, so my first John Carpenter movie was actually Escape from New York. Not long after I saw that, which highly impressed me, I went back and saw the aforementioned Halloween, as well as The Fog. And I also began to anticipate each new film that came out in subsequent years.  The five that occupy space in my top ten (in no certain order) are Big Trouble in Little China, They Live, The Thing, Escape from New York and Christine. 

My review of The Thing has been a long time coming as a feature film at The Midnite Drive-In. I feel certain if I hadn't gone through a lethargic period of writing during Covid that it would have long been reviewed. Same goes for Christine (and that will soon be remedied too.) Carpenter made four films with Kurt Russell back in the day, including a TV movie on Elvis, Escape from New York and it's sequel Escape from L.A., Big Trouble in Little China and The Thing. 

 

The Thing (1982):

Note: In the interest of not turning off some of the more skittish readers, I have refrained from using any pics in this review depicting the creature in it's changing process. If you really want to see them you can google images of The Thing 1982...

 

The film starts out with a dog. The dog is being chased by some guys in a helicopter. The occupants seem intent on killing the dog. When they arrive at the U.S. based camp they are still intent on killing the dog, but this is seen as an attack on the scientists and they kill the interlopers. Of course, if one or the other groups had been fluent in the other's language the US group might have been forewarned, but the interlopers only speak Norwegian and the US guys only understand English.

 

The base helicopter pilot, MacReady (Kurt Russell) and the base doctor, Copper (Richard Dysart) decide to go up to the Norwegian base and see what might have happened. They find the base in shambles, and an odd malformed body which they take back to the US base camp. The camp biologist, Blair (Wilford Brimley) is given the task of performing an autopsy on this weird body. What Blair finds inside are normal human organs, heart, liver and the like.

The crew decides to go try to find out what the Norwegians had been doing just prior to the havoc that happened at their camp. The end up finding a spaceship that appears to have been hidden under the ice for some 100,000 years. They also find the leftover remains of what may have been a body the Norwegians uncovered in the spaceship. 

 

The dog is put in the kennel with the base camps' dogs, because, after all, as far as they know, its just another dog. But this "dog", of course, is NOT a dog. Which is why those Norwegians were trying to kill it. The camp kills the odd thing as it is in the process of changing, and the day is saved. Roll credits.

 

Not so fast. The creature is able to replicate itself and disappears into the attic above the dog compound. Blair autopsies the dog thing the group killed and comes to the conclusion that the creature could assimilate any living organism, and through computer simulation estimates that if it got loose it could assimilate every living thing on the planet within a few years. As a result Blair becomes just a wee bit paranoid, since virtually any one of them could now be the thing, posing as one of them.

Blair, in his paranoia, wreaks havoc on the compound, virtually destroying any avenue that the thing could use to escape the compound: demolishing all radios, computers, sleds, etc. The crew manages to subdue Blair and lock him in the tool shed. Dr. Copper suggests that they take blood samples from each of them and compare them to blood samples held in storage in the compound, but of course, the thing has anticipated this and contaminated the samples.

 

No one knows exactly who to trust. Each of the crew immediately begins to look with suspicion upon his co-workers, and since they are isolated at the bottom of the world now, without any lines of communication with the outside world, it gradually becomes a matter of finger-pointing. Of course, everyone insists that he himself is the same as when he first came into the camp and thus not the alien creature. The one that is the creature also claims this, of course, but then why would it admit it was an alien?

In the end, virtually everyone in the crew has been killed, either because it was actually a part of the thing's assimilation process, or through misadventure. The remaining three crew members determine that the alien plans to go into hibernation again. MacReady and his remaining cohorts decide to demolish what is left of the base camp, although, since the creature can apparently survive in hibernation indefinitely, I am not sure what this would accomplish. As MacReady and Childs await the inevitable freezing to death that is coming now, they decide to share a bottle of Scotch.

 

The Thing  was a remake of a classic sci-fi film from the 50's, The Thing (from Another World). The original novella, Who Goes There? by John W. Campbell, Jr., has much more in common with the 1982 remake than it does with the 1951 original film. Basically the creature in the 1951 film, joking referred to these days as "an intelligent carrot" was just an alien form of a vampire. It killed, but it didn't kill to propagate it's species, it only killed to find sustenance off of the humans. (The "intelligent carrot" remark refers to the fact that, although it was filmed in black and white, the alien itself was orange, and had characteristics of a vegetable life form.)

What made this version of The Thing so compelling is that, like predecessors in such films as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, this creature had the ability after it consumed its victims, to take over their characteristics. (Much the same way the creature in the original novella did.) Carpenter had some good help in the special effects department on this film. He brought on board Rob Bottin, with whom he had worked on The Fog, to create the special effects of the creature transformation.

BTW, if the effects in the first Alien movie had you running for the porta-potty, let me just say "You ain't seen nothing yet". The special effects are one of the reasons that the movie got such initially bad reviews from critics. Initially Carpenter was not going to direct, because at the time he preferred directing movies in which he was actively involved in the original story, and filming a previously published story was not in his interest. As such Tobe Hooper (of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist fame) was approached, but producers became disenchanted with the way Hooper was doing it. Eventually they were able to convince Carpenter to do it.

As far as Kurt Russell as the star was concerned, he wa the last of the film's characters to be cast. Not that Carpenter was reluctant to work with him but he just wanted to keep his options open. Some of the actors considered were Christopher Walken, Brian Dennehy, Scott Glenn, Jeff Bridges and Nick Nolte. The most intriguing of those, in my opinion, would have been Jeff Bridges. I think Walken would have taken the character in an entirely different and not altogether sympathetic direction.

When the movie was initially released it was not well received, but in retrospect it has garnered some praise. Personally I think that it is an excellent remake. The creature in the original just never gave me the willies like the Carpenter/Bottin creation. And the atmosphere created by the film made it all that much more attractive. The claustrophobic situation, what with all the action taking place in an isolated are like Antarctica and the fact that no one can trust anyone else to be whom they seem to be has a profound effect on the terror the situation creates.  

The film barely made its original investment back and was NOT the hit that Carpenter hoped would boost his credibility. Coming in on the heels of Steven Spielberg's E,T.: The Extraterrestrial, which was a much more upbeat movie, to the say the least, of aliens, the dark and somewhat nihilistic The Thing was viewed as probably coming in at the wrong time for the political landscape. The country was in the middle of a recession, and hope for a better future was not prevalent in the film. In retrospect, however the film has been gradually gaining some more appreciative audiences. 

Watching this film in conjunction with the Philip Kaufman 1978 version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers might cause the most susceptible paranoiacs to run for the hills. Still, all in all, one of the reasons why  I consider this movie to be a good remake, not withstanding Carpenter's hand in it, is the fact that it entertains, even despite some of it's flaws.

Well, folks, time to crank this old Plymouth up and head home. There is snow predicted tonight, so my isolation may be a little discomforting...

Quiggy

 

 

 

 

Green Holidaze

 

Yes, folks it's yet another Christmas entry (And you say: "Bah! Humbug! It's not even Halloween yet!").

 

OK, I'll concede to the Scrooge-y outcry. You want Halloween, you say? Bet you weren't expecting this...

 

In 1977 the television animation studios at ABC presented the world with what amounts to a prequel to the classic 1966 Christmas tradition of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Titled Halloween is Grinch Night, it was presented to the public on October 28 of that year, and quickly became a Halloween holiday tradition, much in the same way that it's predecessor did as a Christmas tradition.

 

What's that, you say? This never became a Halloween tradition? Hmm... What a shame! Maybe the ill sweet sour winds were blowing in the wrong direction. 

 

OK, I'll be honest. Although I was alive, and in my late teens, when this cartoon hit the airwaves, I don't recall having ever seen it. In fact, until I ran across a DVD collection called Dr. Suess's Holidays on the Loose, I wasn't even aware that it even existed. (Just a note: You never know what you'll find in those garage sales and resale barns. I paid $2 for this, but I would have never even thought to look for it...)

 

 

 

 

The DVD also includes another Grinch cartoon that I never heard of, this one brought out in 1982. It's called The Grinch Grinches the Cat in the Hat. But in the case of that one, I have an excuse for not even noticing it. It first aired in May of 1982. At that time I was in college and wouldn't have been caught dead watching a kiddie cartoon show.  Besides, at that time I had a job throwing a newspaper route, and was probably asleep so I could be prepared for my job at midnight.

 

Of course, nowadays I wouldn't be so dismissive of children's fare. Possibly because at my age I am looking back at a long life, and regretting that period of my life when I didn't have a childlike innocence and missed out on some fairly good stuff in retrospect. Just for instance: In my 20's, an animated film would have been the LAST choice I would make in picking my weekly theater experience. But just look at what I missed out on during that period: The Black Cauldron, Labyrinth, The Last Unicorn, The Never-Ending Story, The Secret of N.I.M.H., every Muppet movie until  The Muppet Christmas Carol (and I only went to that one because the Dickens story is one of my favorite stories). All of those I have since watched and found entertaining.

 

Dr. Suess had been around for decades prior to the first television cartoon adaptation of his work, the now famous How the Grinch Stole Christmas, but with the exception of a few Private Snafu animated shorts released in theaters during WWII, his work was hardly every translated to film. But after the Grinch a succession of Suess inspired cartoons were made for TV, including Horton Hears a Who, The Cat in the Hat and The Lorax. And you are probably already aware of the full length movies released in theaters in recent years that include the Jim Carrey version of the Grinch story and the Mike Myers version of the Cat in the Hat. (I'm still waiting for a film version of "The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins", BTW, if anyone in Hollywood is checking out this blog...) 

 

Firstly, just to appease the Grinchier crowd who might be objecting to an early Christmas entry...

 

 

 

Halloween is Grinch Night (1977):

 

 

 

 

Things look pleasant in Whoville, But Josiah (Hal Smith; "Otis" from The Andy Griffith Show) smells a "sweet sour wind" in the air. He gets his wife, Mariah (Irene Tedrow; Mrs. Elkins on Dennis the Menace) to double check, and sure enough, the wind has that sweet sour smell.  That means the local Grunker's Pond will be disturbed, awakening the gree-grumps, who will begin to howl. That will make the hakken-krakks star to yowl.

 

 

 

That can only mean one thing. The villainous Grinch (Hans Conried), who lives on the nearby Mount Crumpit will be lurking about, because it is now Grinch night. The Whos in Whoville scurry inside and lock the doors and windows, and they won't go outside... not even for $1.50... The whole town keeps an ear to the radio for the coming on the Grinch, as posted by Sgt, MacPherson (Jack DeLeon; who was memorable as one of the first openly gay characters on TV, Marty in Barney Miller ), who acts a weather broadcaster, only in this case, the watchful eye of the ill wind of the Grinch.

 

 

 

The Grinch, on the other hand, is ecstatic because it's his night to howl. He loads up his wagon, puts his poor dog Max on the reigns, and begins his descent on Whoville where he plans to have a big party in the Whoville town hall.  He will be the guest attendee.  Really, he will be the ONLY attendee...

 

 

 

Poor Max bemoans the lost childhood he had and his fate at being a slave to the Grinch, but he really has no choice.   As the Grinch begins his ascent to Whoville, Euchariah (Gary Shapiro), the young son of Josiah and Mariah, suddenly realizes he needs to go to the "euphemism" (Really. That's what they call it. Cover your eyes, ye easily shocked readers, because it means he needs to go to the...  outhouse...)

 

 

 

The wind, however, is really strong, and despite his struggle to get there he is blown off course, and ends up om Mount Crumpit, the home of the Grinch.  Euchariah runs into the Grinch and bravely stands up to him, but the Grinch is dismissive of such a small foe. He gives Euchariah the discount store scare and figures that is that.

 

 

 

But Euchariah decides that the only way to save the town from the Grinch is by his own work.  He stands up to the Grinch and basically dares the Grinch to do his best at scaring him.  The Grinch, who is not one to back down from a challenge, proceeds to throw everything he can at young Euchariah. 

 

 

 

Unfortunately for the Grinch, young Euchariah is determined, and despite all the spooks and monsters the Grinch throws at him, he bravely endures. And just long enough, too, because the sweet sour wind of Grinch night dies down, which is basically the death knell on the Grinch's activities for the night. He turns his cart around to make the trek back up the mountain, promising he will be even worse on the next Grinch Night. But his dog, Max, deserts him and becomes the dog of his new master, Euchariah.

 

Hans Conried had to fill in for Boris Karloff as the voice of the Grinch, since Karloff had passed away by the time this prequel was made. He does a passable job of it, but it's not quite the sinister twang that the legendary icon put on the original. But hey, nobody lives forever. It was bound to happen. Fortunately the fantastic deep bass singer, Thurl Ravenscroft, was still around to do the musical parts of the Grinch story.  

 

Just one note here, story-wise: This is supposed to be taking place before the events of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Yet in that later story the Grinch has Max back in his lair. Did the dog decide that life in Whoville was too sedate and return to the Grinch? Or maybe sometime in between the Grinch managed to rope in another dog...  

 

Halloween is Grinch Night won the 1978 Primetime Emmy for Outstanding Children's Program, beating out, among others, The Fat Albert Christmas Special. 

 

OK, you Ebenezers... happy now? 

 

What? Still not ready for cheer and eggnog? OK. I'll play along for now. The second feature on this DVD is:

 

 

 

 

The Grinch Grinches The Cat in the Hat (1982):

 

 

 

This piece (probably) comes after the transformation of the Grinch into a happy carefree figure he became at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, because the sun rises and the Grinch (Bob Holt) is smiling and laughing. Even Max is a little wary, but apparently the afterglow of the events in How the Grinch Stole Christmas (see below) he is a new character.

 

The first thing that comes into play in this piece by the way is the fact that the narrator is none other than Mason Adams. (Adams may not have been a dynamic actor on screen (IMDb only credits him with 77 appearances), but as a voice actor, for me, it's always a treat to hear him. He did narration and voice over credits throughout his career.)  

 

But' in the Grinch's lair, his reflection in the mirror is not so ready and willing to accept this transformation. The mirror image reminds the Grinch of his venomous nature and makes him repeat the "Grinch Oath". With the Grinch apparently saved from a life of charity and goodwill, he leaves the house to find something dastardly to do to prove his Grinch-i-ness.

 

 

 

On the other side of town, the Cat in the Hat (also voiced by Mason Adams) has decided it's such a nice day he is going on a picnic. Unfortunately for him however, he fails to pull his car completely off the road. And the Grinch comes along and hits it.  Of course, the Grinch blames the Cat in the Hat and has a few choice words for him. But the Cat in the Hat, if anything, is accommodating and apologizes.

 

 

But the Grinch isn't going to let it go with just some wimpy apology. Can you say "road rage"? Eventually the Cat in the Hat arrives safely at his own home, but that's not the end of it. In a series of illustrations as to how letting it go and getting over it is the right way of reacting and an endless series of attempts to get revenge is the wrong way, the Grinch errs of the wrong side several times.

 

One way is he has developed a device which distorts sound within a radius, and pointing it at the Cat in the Hat and his surroundings causes confusion. In essence, whenever anyone or anything makes any kind of noise within it's radius, it comes out as gobbledygook. But it doesn't stop there. Because the Cat in the Hat is not turning into the raging antagonist that the Grinch seems to expect.

 

So the Grinch amps it up. He has a device he calls a "darkhouse". It's like a lighthouse, except in reverse.  It casts a shadow of darkness wherever it is pointed. 

 

 

 

This still isn't getting the results so the Grinch casts a pink glow which causes, among other things, to make food look really unappetizing.

 

The Cat in the Hat has an imaginary thought bubble psychiatric session with the Grinch, trying to figure out what makes him tick and why he's so mean-spirited. 

 

 

 

And during this imaginary session a thread of hope comes out. The Grinch really loves his mother, which eventually leads to the denouement. as patrons at the restaurant where the Cat in the Hat was dining when the Grinch used his pink ray all band together to go to the Grinch's house and serenade him with a song about Mom.

 

 

 

The Grinch becomes teary-eyed and sentimental once again. And when the mirror refection tries to entice him back to his Grinch side, Max points the noise disrupting ray at it and it starts spouting gobbledygook.

 

This production was also awarded a Primetime Emmy award, beating out not just one, but two each, of Charlie Brown and the Smurfs cartoon specials. 

 

OK. Now can I do my Christmas theme?  

 

 

How the Grinch Stole Christmas  (1966):

 

 

 

This is the one cartoon that I will make a point to watch every year. I was a wee lad, not even yet 5 when I first saw it. I probably watched it every year until I was well into my 20's, after which it was only if the broadcast was convenient for my work schedule, since I often had a night time job. But somewhere in my late 30's I was able to jump back on board with making it an annual tradition.

 

"Fa-who for-aze! Da-who dor-aze!  Welcome Christmas bring your light!

Fa-who for-aze! Da-who dor-aze!  Welcome in the cold, dark night!

Welcome Christmas, fa-who ra-mooze!  Welcome Christmas, da-who da-mooze!

Welcome Christmas, while we stand, heart to heart, and hand in hand!

Trim up the tree with Christmas stuff, like bingle balls and whofoo fluff!

Trim up the tree with goowho gums, and bizelbix and wums!

Trim every blessed window, and trim every blessed door!

Hang up who boo hoo bricks, then run out and get some more!

Hang pantookas on the ceiling. pile panfoolas on the floor!

Trim every blessed needle on the blessed Christmas tree!

Christmas comes tomorrow! Trim you! Trim me!

Trim up the tree with fuzzle fuzz and blipper bloos and wuzzle wuzz!

Trim up your uncle and your aunt with yards of who faunt flant!!!"

 

 

 

The Whos down in Whoville absolutely love Christmas. What joy! What fun! Singing an dancing and Christmas fun! And then there's the toys! All the kids get to enjoy their new found toys and make such noise!

 

Noise! Noise! Noise! That's the one thing that the Grinch, who lives just north of Whoville hates the most. (And just out of curiosity, what is it about the "north" that causes such animosity in these tales. It seems to me that every villainous sort of character in these tales happens to live in the north part of the region...)

 

 

 

Anyway, the Grinch hates all the goody good Whos down in Whoville and their overbearing happiness and good cheer. And most annoying is the Christmas season, when that "good nature attitude" comes out in waves of cheer and good will. But what can he do, it's just going to happen, and that's a part of life.

 

But maybe  not this year.  Maybe, just maybe, the Grinch can pull off a feat of such transcending evil that the Whos will transform from their happy-go-lucky selves into wailing and bemoaning spirits, and that would please the Grinch to no end. 

 

 

 

So what is his plan? He will dress up as Santa Claus and sneak into town while all the Whos in Whoville are asleep and steal every present, every tree, every decoration, and even all the Christmas dinner and just sit back and watch the fun as the Whos discover that there won't be a Christmas in Whoville this year after all.

 

 

 

"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch, you really are a heel!
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel! 

Mr. Grinch!
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch, your heart's an empty hole!
Your brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul! 

Mr. Grinch!
I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch, you have termites in your smile!
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile! 

Mr. Grinch!
Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile!

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch, you're a nasty wasty skunk!
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk!

Mr. Grinch.
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: "Stink! Stank! Stunk!"

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch, you're the king of sinful sots!
Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots!

Mr. Grinch.
Your soul is an appalling dump heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable... mangled up in tangled up knots!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch, with a nauseous super "naus!"
You're a crooked dirty jockey, and you drive a crooked hoss! 

Mr. Grinch!
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich, with arsenic sauce!"

 

Note: I really don't understand why the Grinch had to dress up as Santa if he expected to be able to get in and out of Whoville undetected. Of course, as we will see, that Santa outfit did come in handy after all. For, while he is busy trying to stuff a Christmas tree up the chimney, a little who, Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two, wakes up and catches him in the act, and he has to pretend he is Santa and that he is taking the tree back to his workshop to fix a glitch with the Christmas lights on it.

 

 

 

Once the Grinch succeeds in his nefarious plan he heads back to his cave on Mount Crumpit and deliciously anticipates the cries and wails of the lost season down in Whoville. But to his amazement the Whos come out singing and generally expressing joy. Without presents. Without decorations. Without even the Christmas feast. And the Grinch realizes that the Christmas spirit comes from somewhere else, not the things that can be had by the physical realm, but from somewhere deep in the heart. And the Grinch himself has a change of heart, and returns the gifts, and becomes the leader of all the good will that Whoville has to offer.

 

 

 

Outside of Boris Karloff as the narrator and the voice of the Grinch, no one received any credit for their role. Specifically, the classic "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" was actually sung by Thurl Ravenscroft, who's big claim to fame at the time was as the voice of Tony the Tiger in Frosted Flakes commercials. ("They're GREEEAT!") Also missing was the credit for the one vocal that was NOT Karloff, that of Cindy Lou Who, who was actually voiced by June Foray.

 

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is the only one of these three that was not in the running for an Emmy for children's program the following awards year. Just to clarify, a 1966 filming of the Jack in the Beanstalk was the winner, beating out, among others, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. But in retrospect, in later years it has been awarded it's own heritage in standing. In 2004 a list by TV Guide named it #1 out of the 10 Best Holiday Specials.  (A Charlie Brown Christmas came in second.)

 

Rejoice, ye Ebenezers. It will be after Halloween before the next Christmas themed entry comes your way. Still before Thanksgiving, true, but you gotta take your pleasures where you can find them... (And since today is Halloween, theoretically the next one could be tomorrow...)

 

Quiggy 

 

 

 

 

  

Risque Happenings

 

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This is my entry in the Seventh Broadway Bound Blogathon hosted by Taking Up Room

 

 "Rumors spreadin' 'round

In that Texas town

About that shack outside La Grange.

(You know what I'm talking about.)

Just let me know

If you wanna go

To that home out on the range.

(They got a lot of nice girls there.) 

  Lyrics to "La Grange" by Z Z Top

It was featured in a movie.  Before that it was in a hit Broadway play.  Before that it was paid homage by a boogie band from Texas, Z Z Top (see above).

And before that it was a REAL place. 

"The Chicken Ranch", as it was known, operated from the early 1900's until 1973. Quite a bit of the folklore behind the actual place became a part of the play (and subsequent movie) that was eventually produced.  Local constabulary were indeed involved in keeping the place open and there was also a crusader, Marvin Zindler, who was behind it's eventual closing, in 1973.

Vintage icon

 

The historian (and general "in your face" provocative person) in me thinks the place ought to have been made a state treasure and kept as a historical site. To his credit, the owner has been trying to get a historical marker for the site. The building itself is in such disrepair that it's nothing to look at. Part of it was used to build a bar in Dallas and the rest is in shambles.

Breaks the heart, don't it?

The city of La Grange would like to have visitors come for more than just the "less than reputable" historical site, but there are some memorabilia available on their city website which feature "The Chicken Ranch" on it, so it's not exactly like they are trying to sweep the past under the carpet.

Shop La Grange  (just in case you're interested...)

In 1978 a Broadway musical was produced based on the place and the events surrounding it's eventual closing, written by Peter Masterson and Larry L. King (no relation to Larry King, the radio talk show guy, as far as I know...).  The name of the town was changed from La Grange to a fictional town of Gilbert, but the story was basically the story behind the real place. 

In the play, Miss Mona and the local sheriff, Ed, kept the place running on the up-and-up (so to speak), but pressure from an investigative journalist, Melvin Thorpe, caused the place to come under scrutiny. And eventually causes it to have to close down.

The play garnered some Tony Award attention. (The Tony Awards are the Oscar equivalent for Broadway shows.) It won Best Actor and Best Actress (for Henderson Forsythe and Delores Hall, respectively).  It was also nominated in the categories of Best Musical, Best Book of a Musical (the story), Best Direction and Best Choreography.

In 1982, the play was produced as a film, with Dolly Parton as Miss Mona and Burt Reynolds as Ed, with Dom DeLuise as the crusading Melvin. The movie also added a new song (which wasn't exactly "new", as Dolly Parton had first recorded it years earlier) "I Will Always Love You" (later to be recorded by Whitney Houston for The Bodyguard). Note: I always thought "Hard Candy Christmas" was an original Dolly song, too, due to the fact that her version is the one I always hear, but it turns out that it was written for the original musical.

The film version had the production team of Miller-Milkis-Boyett. Who are they, you might  be asking (especially if you don't pay attention to the credits)?  Well, under various incarnations of those three we got a plethora of TV shows of the past.  Those three together were behind the Tom Hanks / Peter Scolari TV show Bosom Buddies. But under Miller-Milkis, we got Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley and Mork Mindy. And under the Miller-Boyett production label we got Family Matters, Full House (and Fuller House), Perfect Strangers and Step By Step. Surely you've seen one or more of those. (Of course they also gave us Joanie Loves Chachi , but don't hold that against them.) 

This time around, the story was not quite the boffo event that the play had been.  It only made about double it's budget back in ticket sales. Impressive, maybe, but that's only $69 million against a $35 million budget. Musicals, by the early 80's, had become passe', so it's not entirely surprising. I went to see it in it's original theatrical release (mainly for the story; even then I wasn't big on musicals.) But there was also another reason...

Dolly at 36

 

(Hey, what were you expecting from a 20 year old [at the time] male?) 

The movie did garner some notice in the awards community.  Charles Durning as the Governor got a nod for Best Supporting Actor at the Oscars.  And the Golden Globes committee gave noms for the picture and Dolly for Best Picture and Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical. 

 

No. I'm serious... 36...

It was rated R, of course.  I mean, what were you expecting in a movie about a whorehouse? Eight course dinners? But there are no overtly explicit scenes in it.  Of course, late in the movie there is a raid on the place and many in attendance are caught in flagrante delicto. But it's pretty tame for the most part.  Of course, you wouldn't want to watch it with the young 'uns in the room, but if I have to warn you of that, you didn't read the title of the movie...

So, was it a good film?  Read on.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982):

Note on the pictures: If the caption has "" on it, the caption is the title of the song being sung in the scene.

The film opens with a shocker.  Deputy Fred looks through an old -fashioned stereoscope and then turns and breaks down the fourth wall and addresses you, the viewer:

 

It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw

And if you can get past Gomer Pyle touting a house of ill repute, you 're halfway home...

The background is told about the original madam and the original sheriff, both of whom moved the base of operations from the back of the town feed store to a place on the outskirts of town.  And through two world wars, and thick and thin, the place managed to survive.  With sometimes other ways of paying the piper when money was tight. Which included trading chickens for services (thus explaining how the place became know as "The Chicken Ranch"... cute, huh?)

"20 Fans"

The action moves to present day (1973), where the whole plot takes place.  The original madam has passed away, leaving the house and it's environs to Miss Mona (Dolly Parton) who runs the house, with the blessing of the town sheriff, Ed Earl Dodd (Burt Reynolds), where everything is under control by Mona, keeping the place on the up-and-up (more or less).

"Little Bitty Pissant Country Place"

Mona and Ed have a romantic relationship outside of the professional relationship, even though Ed sometimes gets on Mona's nerves, due to his unwillingness to actually be romantic about it. And at this point we get Dolly and Burt (Burt sings???) singing about their relationship.

"Sneakin' Around"

The get together is interrupted by Deputy Fred who tells Ed earl that the mayor is looking for him. Business before pleasure... Trouble is brewing.  The mayor (Raleigh Bond) and town bigwig C. J. (Barry Corbin) inform Ed that a Houston news personality, Melvin P. Thorpe, who has an expose' program called The Watchdog Report, is planning an expose' on the Chicken Ranch.  Not exactly the kind of publicity that the town wants. (although it's intimated in the beginning that the existence of the place is already a known quantity, so you'd think it wasn't that big a deal).

But Ed decides to take matters in his own hands and goes to Houston to take care of the "little peckerwood". Melvin (Dom DeLuise) is not a man to shy away from controversy, especially if it means ratings.  Despite Ed's polite democratic chat, Melvin goes on the air anyway.

"Texas Has a Whorehouse in It!"

And that ain't the worst of it.  Melvin takes his show on the road and sets up a live broadcast in front of the county courthouse.  But he may have bit off more than he can chew as Ed runs his oversized butt out of town, with a few choice words to go with him.  But then again, maybe Ed misjudged the power of an egotistical self-righteous publicity hunter like Melvin P. Thorpe.

Ed and Mona go out camping and (Product placement warning) drink Schlitz beer.  Now, why, in God's name, are they not drinking Lone Star?  It is Texas, after all... oh, well...  Anyway, that night Melvin runs the video of Ed chewing him out. Shoulda been a little more discreet, there, Ed.

The city leaders convince Ed to have Mona shut down the place for a couple of months until the storm blows over and Mona agrees.  But she forgot about the annual celebration.  See, after every year's Texas / Texas A&M football game the seniors of the winning team get treated to a party at the Chicken Ranch.  And we can't be breaking tradition, what would we be if we broke tradition...? Savages, that's what!

So she goes back on her promise, but it's only going to be for the football celebration, so things should go all right if she waits until tomorrow. And with A&M the victors, the team is highly anticipating their celebration.

"The Aggies Song"

(Just a side note: it's supposed to be a winning present but it's also supposed to be only the seniors. If that's the case, then when this class graduates, A&M may have trouble next year... Because it looks like the whole team is in attendance.)

And, of course, as luck would have it, the Watchdog crew goes through town on it's way out to the Ranch.  And Fred gives Ed the bad news.  Miss Mona is not closed down entirely. Melvin and his crew arrive and take pictures which includes one of the district's Senator (Robert Mandan). Ed arrives just a little too late to put out the fire before it starts. Mona and Ed have some harsh words, and he leaves. 

He leaves town to go to Austin to discuss the situation with the governor. And finally, an hour and 20 minutes into the movie we finally get to see The Governor (Charles Durning).  

"The Sidestep"

Why do I say finally?  Because Durning was nominated for Best Supporting Actor at that year's Oscars.  While admittedly there have been nominees with less screen time in a film (his on screen time only amounts to about 10 minutes, 6 of which is his song and dance number...), I would hazard a guess that it was the latest in a movie for one of those who garnered that nomination to make their appearance.  (And, BTW,  I'm not going to speculate on who SHOULD have won. Louis Gossett, Jr actually took the award for An Officer and a Gentleman, but also in the running were Robert Preston for Victor/Victoria, John Lithgow for The World According to Garp and James Mason for The Verdict. Based on those, I'm guessing that Durning was possibly lucky if he came in fourth in the voting.)

Ed tries to get the Governor to use his power to keep the place open, but being a politician, he refuses to do anything before knowing which way the wind blows. Once he gets the results of a poll that has a majority in favor of closing it, however, he tells Ed he has to shut it down.

Ed calls to break the bad news to Mona, who has to break the news to her girls.  And she finds out about Ed's trip to Austin to try to get the Governor's help in keeping it open.

"Hard Candy Christmas"

The ending of the movie has Ed showing up and repairing the damage as best he can.  He tells Mona he wants to marry her.  Mona, for her part, tells Ed he would be better off, since he has a future in politics, to do without being married to a former prostitute.

"I Will Always Love You"

But Ed is nothing if not determined. He takes Mona's stuff off the truck she had packed to leave town and throws it in his own truck.  And they drive off into the sunset.

So it occurs to me that this movie quite possibly could be rated as a "romantic comedy". If so, it is one more in a very relative few in that genre that I like.

If you made it this far into the review, and haven't decided it offends your sensibilities, I'm going to leave you with a final few tidbits of trivia. All courtesy of IMDb, so take them as you will, depending on your trust in the authenticity of the site:

First, the part of Ed Earl went to Burt, but there were several others who had been considered for the part including Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson and Gene Hackman.  Miss Mona had her own list of candidates, including Crystal Gayle and Barbara Mandrell. And by the way, does anybody else besides me think Lois (Dulcie Mae) Nettleton looks a lot like Mandrell? I actually though she was until I watched the credits...

And also, in the role of The Governor, Mickey Rooney was considered.  It was Burt himself who suggested that Charles Durning be given a shot at the role.

At the end of the movie Burt picks up Dolly and carries her to his truck.  He supposedly suffered a double hernia as a result.

Despite the prurient subject matter, this movie is a fun movie to watch. 

Really... 36!!!

Well, folks, time to get the old Plymouth on down the road.  I'm going straight home.  Really.  I am NOT going to route a detour through some little pissant country place.  Honest!

Quiggy