When Food Fights Back

 

 

 

 

This is my entry in the Food & Film Blogathon hosted by 18 Cinema Lane.

 

"Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, well, he eats you." 

                                                                             -The Stranger in "The Big Lebowski" 

 

 

Man vs. Food. Dating back to even prehistoric times, man had to struggle to survive. Whether he was  trying to kill a saber-tooth tiger before the tiger killed him, or trying that new plant over there, only to find out, "whoops, that wasn't such a hot idea...", man has struggled to find some middle ground in the battle to put food on the plate.

 

But usually, in these modern times at least, it's safe to go to the local supermarket and stock up on food.  The eggs aren't going to suddenly erupt and hatch a dozen rabid zombie chickens running through the store. And you can be reasonably sure that there won't be a revolt in the canned food aisle as customers are assaulted by demonic corn. (Unlike the threat that you get from the "corn" of your humble blogger...)

 

But what if there was a threat from this "innocent" food for which we take for granted?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978):

 

From the opening sequence of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes-

 

In 1963, Alfred Hitchcock made a motion picture entitled "The Birds", a film which depicted a savage attack upon human beings by flocks of the winged creatures. People laughed.

 

In the fall of 1975, 7 million blackbirds invaded the town of Hopkinsville, Kentucky, resisting the best efforts of mankind to dislodge them.

 

No one is laughing now.... 

 

 

 The opening involves a woman working in her kitchen when she hears an odd noise coming from the sink. Out of the sink comes a tomato. The tomato springs on the woman as she screams in horror. As the theme song introduces the threat on the horizon (just in case you may not have gotten it from the title...)

And by the way, the theme song reminds me of an old song I heard on the Dr. Demento radio show, "The Cockroach that Ate Cincinnati"...

 

"Attack of the killer tomatoes!

Attack of the killer tomatoes!

They'll beat you, bash you, squish you, mash you, chew you up for brunch!

And finish you off, for dinner or lunch!

 

They're marching down the halls! 

They're crawling up the walls!

They're gooey, gushy, squishy, mushy, rotten to the core!

They're standing outside your door!"

 

 

 

Featuring a cast of unknowns (except Jack Riley, who you may recognize as one of Dr.  Bob Hartley's (Bob Newhart) regular patients on The Bob Newhart Show), along with "The Royal Shakespearean Tomatoes", and based on the best selling novel "The Tomatoes of Wrath", Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is one of the first ever horror parody movies, later to be a more common theme with such movies as The Evil Dead movies, Student Bodies,  Zombieland, and who can forget Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh-Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part II (In Shocking 2-D)?

 

The  film is chock full of one-liners, visual gags and (to be forewarned) some decidedly racist and misogynistic jokes. The ensuing opening scenes get the ball rolling with an investigation of the woman, now dead, and no clues except for the obvious bloody corpse. But wait! That's not blood! It's... tomato juice! 

 

But, ah friends, this is just the beginning.  It seems that tomatoes have taken on a life of their own and causing havoc throughout the city! A guy is strangled after drinking a cup of tomato juice! An older couple sit on their couch watching a giant tomato chase little Timmy (off screen). The tomato eats Timmy. "He ate him all up... poor Timmy."

 

 

 

The scene shifts to a farm where the police are attacking a marauding gang of tomatoes. One of the tomatoes apparently causes a helicopter to crash. Side note: Apparently that crash was real. Since no one was actually injured the producers decided to keep it in the film... Might as well, since that helicopter probably cost as much as the rest of the film's budget combined...)

 

The authorities are trying everything to contain the tomatoes, but bugs, chemicals, bullets... nothing seems to work.A security chief for the President (Jack Riley) has called in the top generals, scientists and experts of varying fields to solve the problem and try to keep the outbreak under wraps. His main guy, Mason Dixon (David Miller) is so far undercover that no one eve knows who he is. All this because the powers that be just wanted to develop a bigger healthier tomato...

 

In a converted clothes closet, a bunch of army personnel meet to try to figure out what to do. 

 

 

And here is one of those scenes that, in retrospect, comes off as a bit insensitive. The leader of the group introduces Dr. Fuji Nokitofa (Paul Oya). The Japanese scientist is obviously a parody of Japanese sci-fi scientist in such Japanese movies as Godzilla, as he is obviously speaking Japanese from the way his lips move, but is dubbed by a ridiculous overdub by an American voice. Not only that, but he refers to tomatoes as "fags", when he means fruits. (BTW, tomatoes are fruits, not vegetables, just in case you didn't know...)

 

Dr. Nokitofa's plan is to bring in a half-man, half robot super human to do battle, but the robot is a bit under developed. So the back up plan is team up Dixon with a highly qualified team of helpmates; Sam Smith (Gary Smith), a disguise expert,  Greta Attenbaum (Benita Barton), a swimming expert, Greg Coburn (Steve Cates), an underwater expert, and Lt. Wilbur Finletter (Stephen Peace).

 

 

 

Meanwhile the local newspaper editor, desperate to have someone cover this new developing story about tomatoes is forced to send his only available reporter, the society column reporter, Lois Fairchild (Sharon Taylor) out to cover the story, mainly because she has a "good sense of organization, fluid style, a dark mind... and a nice ass..." (I warned you about the misogynistic aspect...)

 

 

 

So did I mention there is a musical aspect to this film? Occasionally we are treated to the top 10 hit, number one with a bullet as they say, "Puberty Love". Sung off key with a horrendous voice, the song crops up occasionally. And if you can't see where that is going before the movie ends, you obviously aren't familiar with this particular trope in these kinds of movies. Needless to say that "number one with a bullet" is a propos, because by the time the movie reaches it's climax, you may want to put a bullet in an appropriate place. 

 

 

 

The experts on Dixon's team are finally gathered together. After dropping off the underwater expert and the swimming expert in the dusty desert (why? how should I know?) Dixon decides that the undercover expert, who by the way is a black man who seems to be fooling people that he is George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Adolph Hitler (!) could be best put to use disguised as a tomato (!!). He is to go undercover and infiltrate the tomato camp.

 

 

 

From here on out the film is padded with plenty more gags that will boggle the mind, including a street view of a trolley climbing a hill in "New York". The "New York gag crops up several times, even though it is obviously San Francisco. In "New York" the representative of the President, Jim Richardson (George Wilson), is sent to get an overzealous ad executive (Al Sklar) at Myth Maker to come on board to help deceive the public that there really is no threat from the recently overactive tomato population. And here we get another of those musical scenes as the executive points out the value of being able to manipulate public opinion through advertising.

 

 

 

Eventually it comes down to an all out battle for the control of the city of New York (or possibly San Francisco...)  But with all the fire power that the army can muster, those pesky tomatoes seem to be winning the battle. A newscaster intones: "Across  the length and breadth of the nation the tomatoes continue on their rampage of wanton destruction! Burning! Pillaging! Raping!" (Raping??!!). Nothing seems to be effective.  And yet another of those musical interludes as a squad of soldiers lament about their inability to defeat the horde of tomatoes.

 

 

 

Spoiler alert!: If you want to watch this film, stop right now and go watch it. I'll still be here when you get back. Watched it now? 

 

It seems that Jim Robinson, the press secretary has a nefarious plan with these tomatoes; he plans to use them to cause havoc and then step in as the savior, causing the people to reject the current President and eventually make HIM leader for life. (What does all this have to do with it? Maybe he was the one behind the animating of the tomatoes in the first place, although that part isn't really clear.) 

 

But wait! There is hope! It seems the tomatoes do have an Achilles heel.  Remember that horrible number one song? Think to the last time you were forced to listen to Debbie Boone's You Light Up My Life. Remember the nausea that song had upon you? Well, the tomatoes seem to feel the same way about "Puberty Love". The finale comes when the city lures the tomatoes to San Diego Stadium (San Diego, I thought this was New York... or was that San Francisco?..)

 

 

 

As the credits roll, there is another stirring in the garden as the carrots start to come to life... "All right, you guys... they're gone now..." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Attack of the Killer Donuts (2016):  

 

Oops! Somebody made a mistake. That somebody would be the demented Uncle Luther (Michael Swan). Luther is the uncle of our movie's hero, Johnny Wentworth (Justin Ray). Johnny lives with his mother, Emma (Kassandra Voyagis). Mom is always nagging on her son, especially about his lack of ambition, and his failure to mow the lawn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Johnny is an employee at Dandy Donuts, where he works with his childhood friend, Michelle (Kayla Compton). Michelle has had a crush on Johnny since childhood, but Johnny fails to see it.  In fact, Johnny is apparently blind to everything in the realm of love. 

 

 

 

He considers Veronica (Lauren Elise) to be his girlfriend, even though the two have never been intimate, and it is obvious from the very beginning that she is just using him for money. She has been in a physical relationship with a pseudo-surfer dude on the side, Bobby (Aaron Groben).

 

 

 

Johnny has a rough relationship with his demented Uncle Luther, a mad scientist who lives in a shed on the Wentworth property and is constantly stealing Johnny's laptop for use in his crazy science schemes. His current formula is a serum that is supposed to reanimate the dead. When Johnny goes to Luther to get his laptop back, Luther is none too pleased.  He determines to go to the doughnut shop and retrieve the laptop so he can continue his work.

 

At the doughnut shop, Luther gets into a scuffle with the owner of Dandy Donuts, Cliff (Chris DeChristopher). During the fight Luther loses a vial of his serum which lands in the doughnut fryer.  The icky green fluid mixes in with the grease and causes the doughnuts to become animated. (Well, what were you expecting from a movie titled Attack of the Killer Donuts??)

 

 

In this mix comes, what else... police officers. Although Officer Hammerstein (Cliff Burbank) is reluctant to take advantage of the doughnut shop, Officer Rogers (C. Thomas Howell) is salivating over the free doughnuts he knows the doughnut shop is going to give them.  The two go into the shop, leaving a suspect they have arrested.  The suspect almost frees himself, but is still there when they return. The suspect begs for a doughnut and the officers give in.

 

 

    

Meanwhile, a rival doughnut shop owner, some nut who thinks he can make health conscious doughnuts arrives to taunt cliff with his new creation.  Cliff gives Flanagan (Michael Rene Walton) one  of his own doughnuts, which he claims is fat-free and sugar-free. (It's not...) Flanagan and the suspect both become victims of the killer doughnuts. 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, back at the doughnut shop, three rather unsavory characters come in and start sexually harassing Michelle. She pepper sprays them, but when Cliff finds out he takes their side of the story as the truth and fires Michelle.  Johnny quits because Cliff won't listen to him tell the truth of what happened.  Cliff gives the three hoodlums a box of free doughnuts. (I don't think ANYBODY in this movie paid for any doughnuts.  You gotta wonder how Dandy Donuts stays in business).

 

The pair meet up with Johnny's friend, Howard (Ben Heyman), who unbeknownst to Johnny has been making time with Johnny's mother. The three discover the threat of the killer doughnuts and go to crazy Uncle Lester to find a solution to the problem.  He has an anti-serum that he has created (that was thoughtful of him). The serum, which is pink, will reverse the process. Unfortunately it seems that requires injecting the serum into each doughnut individually.  Johnny and Michelle end up trapped in a closet in the doughnut shop and their chances for survival appear to be slim.

 

 

 

But fear not! Johnny has a plan.  They can blow up the doughnut shop and take out the doughnuts. (That's your plan, Johnny?  How do we escape the explosion? asks Michelle.)  But Johnny is resourceful.  

 

It was a great plan by the doughnuts, and it would have worked... if it hadn't been for those meddling kids... (Sorry, but that Scooby-Doo line always seems to come to mind in these kinds of movies).

 

Well folks, time to crank up the Plymouth and head home. And I'm seriously considering not stopping off for a pizza or ice cream on the way...

 

Quiggy

\ 

Bats to the Left of Me, Jokers to the Right

 

It sometimes shocks me to find out that a movie I loved when I was younger is not one I have ever reviewed on The Midnite Drive-In. I would have sworn I had covered this movie at some point, and recently, after listening to a movie review  podcast on the film, I went through the archives, expecting to refresh my memory of what I wrote about it.  But, surprise, although I had done one on Batman and Robin, I had never covered the one that started it all.

Batman has some fond memories for me. See the "personal note" at the end of this prologue. 

When it came time to cast the film, as usual, there were a lot of A-list actors who lined up for the role of the Joker. Brad Dourif, who was the voice of Chucky in nearly every Child's Play movie, I think would have made an excellent Joker, but others who attempted auditions included Ray Liotta, John Lithgow(!), Tim Curry(!!) and even Robin Williams(!!!). (I heard somewhere that that was how the studio convinced Jack Nicholson to take the role... as in, "Well, if you don't do it we are gonna go with Robin Williams...")

Kim Basinger landed the role of Vicki Vale rather fortuitously, at least for her.  The original role was going to go to Sean Young (Blade Runner), but she had a horse riding accident that took her out of the picture.  Basinger came at the suggestion of producer Jon Peters, and that was that.  

The casting for the role of Bruce Wayne/Batman had several intriguing possibilities, too. Mel Gibson, Dennis Quaid, Tom Selleck(!), Harrison Ford(!!) and Charlie Sheen(?) were all interested. The studio tried to get Pierce Brosnan interested but he had no interest in playing a comic book character. Too bad. But can you imagine... if he had, he might not have been available to play James Bond in the late 90's. (Brosnan is my second favorite Bond, behind Roger Moore... and, yes, I know I am in a minority there.) 

But of course, we all know that the final result was the casting of Micheal Keaton in the primo role. 

If you weren't alive in the early 80's you probably have no clue as to what a hubbub the casting of Michael Keaton in the role of Batman caused. Prior to this film, Keaton was mostly known for oddball comedies, many of which his character in the film was a bit unhinged.  Like Night Shift, Johnny Dangeously and, most recently at the time, Beetlejuice. Serious Batman fans who were expecting a drastic reformation of the campy 60's TV (and movie) Batman with Adam West and Burt Ward were, needlessly to say, dismissive of the casting.  Micheal Keaton? "Beetlejuice" is going to be "Batman"? Some 50,000 protest letters were sent to the studio when the casting was revealed.

But, guess what? When it came time to tally up the effect that apparent faux pas had on the viewing public that consternation withered away. Unlike the fears and trepidation that Keaton would just rehash the old campy TV show, Burton and Keaton and company surprised the viewing public with a darker and grittier Batman, much like the then current and popular rehashing in the comic world by Frank Miller. Miller had, in 1986, presented a new look to Batman franchise in the comic world, Batman: The Dark Knight. The new Batman took it's cue from that  series.  

 

 

 

 

Batman (1989): 

The opening involves a family of three exiting a venue and trying to find a cab.  Your first impression will probably be, as was mine, that this is the introduction to the origin of the Batman, since everyone knows that Bruce Wayne's parents were killed when he was a kid.  But if you are observant it will become readily apparent that these three are tourists in Gotham, not young Wayne and his parents, who were rich socialites already established in the city. 

Hoodlums assault the family and make off with their booty, but while divvying up their treasure, discuss the recent sightings of a "giant bat" that had sent one of their buddies off a roof. Even though one of them is dismissive of the legend, the "giant bat" in question, Batman (Michael Keaton) shows up and dispatches, although does not kill, the hoodlums. Instead he tells one of them to tell all his friends about the vigilante.

 

 Hood: "Who ARE you?"

Batman: "I'm Batman"

While the hood is carted off, raving about giant bats, Lt. Eckhardt (William Hootkins) meets up with Jack Napier (Jack Nicholson), the second in command of top crime boss of Gotham, Carl Grissom (Jack Palance). Eckhardt doesn't like Napier much and the feeling is mutual. Eckhardt has been taking bribes from Grissom to keep a lid on the investigation into his underworld activities. (Eckhardt is obviously not a very nice character himself.)

 

Side Note: William Hootkins is probably one of the greatest character actors in the late 70's and 80's. One of his first roles was as Porkins (also known as Red Six) in Star Wars, and due to that role he became well remembered, at least with the Star Wars geeks.  But one of my favorite has to be his brief role as Munson in Flash Gordon.  You would also remember him in the early part of Raiders of the Lost Ark as one of the Army men who visit Indiana Jones to lure him into the search for the lost ark.

In the normal world things are going along as would be expected. Top investigative reporter for the Gotham newspaper, Alexander Knox (Robert Wuhl) is investigating these mysterious sightings of a giant bat wreaking havoc in the criminal underworld, but Mayor Borg (Lee Wallace), District Attorney Harvey Dent (Billy Dee Williams) and Commissioner Gordon (Pat Hingle) are refusing to cooperate.  Knox doesn't have many friends on his side taking him seriously until he meets a photographer, Vicki Vale (Kim Bassinger), who is interested in pairing up with him to investigate the vigilante.

 

(l to r): Dent, Mayor and Gordon

 

(l to r): Knox and Vicki

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Grissom discusses with Napier how to deal with the threat from the police. He sets Napier up to be arrested during a sabotage operation on one of his "legal" holdings, Axis Chemicals. The reason he is setting up his second in command is that Napier has been making time with Grissom's woman, Alicia (Jerry Hall). 

 

At the plant, while Napier is carrying out the sabotage, the police arrive and so does Batman. In a battle between the forces of good and evil, Batman apparently tries to apprehend Napier, but loses his grip and Napier falls to his (apparent) death. Gordon is furious and wants Batman arrested, but he escapes.

 

Of course, somehow Napier escapes with his life, but he is disfigured, with a hideous grin, white face and an even more vindictive personality. Transformed now as The Joker, his first act is to get revenge on Grissom for setting him up. The next act is to take over Grissom's operation, including eliminating any and all crime bosses in the city who pose a threat to his position as top criminal.

 

The Joker is increasing incensed that this Batman character is getting all the attention in the press and develops various ways to get back into the bad graces of the city. "This town needs an enema!" he shouts as he destroys yet another TV in his lair.  (TV's were still high price things in the late 80's so Joker must be making good money in his business...)

Back at the mansion, Bruce Wayne, alias Batman, is developing  a relationship with Vicki, as well as is Batman, who has rescued her on a couple of occasions. 

 

Wayne's butler, Alfred (Michael Gough), alternately tries to get Wayne to back off his vigilante quest, as well as tries to encourage Wayne to let Vicki in on the truth. 

 

The Joker is also trying to horn in on Vicki's romantic escapades. He variously tries to romance Vicki, although not entirely in a Casanova fashion. When he shows up at Vicki's apartment he encounters Wayne and shoots him in a jealous rage, but not before saying to him "You ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?". Wayne, of course, survives, but now he realizes that the Joker is the same hoodlum that shot his parents. (Note: In the history of the original comic book story, the actual murderer was a guy named "Joe Chill", and not actually The Joker, but this being Hollywood, you gotta have all these loose ends tie up conveniently, so...)

 

The ultimate showdown involves The Joker presenting a parade for the city of Gotham, complete with parade, balloons and huge drops of cash on the citizens.  But The Joker's plan does not really involve charity. He intends to blanket the city in a gas that will kill every one who breathes it in. Batman flies in, literally, to the rescue and thwarts the Joker's plans, leading to an ultimate battle atop the city cathedral.

 

The story itself is secondary to the production of the film.  Much of the story comes off as a little cheesy these days, but Tim Burton and company made the city of Gotham come to life.  The dark feeling of a city on the verge of financial ruin due to the rampant crime in the city is visually impressive. There were a few plot holes that stuck out for me, however.

Primarily the one that hit hardest for me is early in the movie. Vicki Vale and Alexander Knox show up at a charity event in order to try to corner the Mayor and Commissioner Gordon for an interview on the sightings of Batman. Both meet up with Bruce Wayne, but neither of them initially know who he is. These are established news people, and neither of them has ever even seen a picture of Gotham's most famous resident??? I don't believe it.

 

The second one is that entire parade scene.  Have you ever tried to throw a parade, impromptu, in a city, especially one the size of Gotham? Barring the red tape need to create such an event, such as clearing the streets and police protection, just the idea that anyone, including a bigwig crime boss, could pull it off at the drop of a hat is unbelievable. But then, if the Joker had had to go through the proper channels, the whole thing would have been dead in the water at the outset, and then how would we get to that final confrontation?

One other thing that glares, although not necessarily a plot hole, is the scene where Batman, flying the Bat plane, zeroes in on the Joker, blatantly taunting him on the city street. Batman fires machine guns and a couple of missiles at the Joker and misses him completely.  With all the money that Wayne had at his disposal to have that plane built, Batman couldn't have a targeting system better equipped to perform that task?

 

The film made an astounding $250 million in American tickets alone, and $411 million world wide, putting to shame such box office dynamos of the year Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and Ghostbusters II. As a Warner Bros. film, it held the rank of the highest grossing film of that studio for 7 years. (Twister, released in 1996, broke that record for WB.) Critics sometimes disparaged the movie as "too dark" but audiences loved it (yours truly included).

It would probably be negligent of me not to mention the phenomenal sales of the soundtrack, featuring a few songs made for the movie by Prince.  However, not only does Danny Elfman's soundtrack surpass anything that Prince contributes, but Prince doesn't even get featured in a scene until nearly an hour into the movie. 

Personal note: At the time this movie was released I was in the D.C. area for a working vacation, working a job during the day and attending Christian leadership conferences at night. My whole group, representing Southwest Texas State University, made a fellowship date one Saturday and saw it. A short time later one of my fellow student attendees bought a Batman logo tee and traded it to me for doing his clothes washing. Kept it for years until a medium tee would no longer fit me.

Well, folks, time to fire up the old Plymouth (which by the way is blue, not green and purple, so don't mistake me for one of the Joker's henchmen...) Drive safely, folks.

Quiggy

 

 

Shakespeare on the Base

 

 

 

"Hamlet's mama, she's the Queen!

Buys it in the final scene!

Drinks a glass of funky wine!

Now she's Satan's Valentine!" 

 

 -Army march chant from Renaissance Man 

 

Penny Marshall, the director of Renaissance Man, is credited with only 7 feature length theatrical releases. While hardly anyone could dispute that Big and A League of Their Own deserve to be in the top slots (and Awakenings is also there, but I've never seen it) the other four movies are probably ranked variably. The four in question here are The Preacher's Wife, Riding in the Car with Boys, Jumpin' Jack Flash and Renaissance Man. (That order is the way they are listed, as the bottom of the list of the seven, on Rotten Tomatoes).

I never really liked the remake of the classic The Bishop's Wife although it was admittedly well done. And Jumpin' Jack Flash was just ridiculous. I can't say much about Riding in Cars with Boys, since that's another movie I haven't seen. But I think that Renaissance Man doesn't get as much love as it deserves. For one thing, there are some standout performances here. The movie features some up and coming actors and actresses in their first (or at least early roles).

Marky Mark Walberg got his first big meaty role here. Stacey Dash, Cher's (Alicia Silverstone) best friend in Clueless,  Kadeem Hardison, a co-star on the Cosby Show spinoff, Lillo Brancato, Jr., who got his start in A Bronx Tale a year earlier, and Richard T. Jones, who most recently has been a member of the cast of the TV series The Rookie are among the stars. 

Also featured in the cast were Gregory Hines as the drill sergeant, Sgt. Cass. Hines was a tap dancer turned actor who made several memorable roles come to life, such as the tap dancer Raymond Greenwood, an ex-patriot tap dancer living in Communist Russia in White Knights. James Remar, whose first prominent role was as Ajax in one of my favorite movies, The Warriors, plays Rago's main Army contact, Capt. Murdoch. Cliff Robertson also makes a brief appearance as Murdoch's superior, Colonel James.

With such talent, it seems a shame this movie never had the impact that it potentially could have had.  Roger Ebert claimed that "the touch that was used so well in director Penny Marshall's previous films Big and A League of Their Own is totally missing in Renaissance Man and it feels like a cross between Dead Poet's Society and Private Benjamin but does not have the warmth or spirit of those films". Other critics found similar faults with the movie.

Renaissance Man (1994):

Bill Rago (Danny DeVito) is a struggling ad man who is trying to get a client interested in his sales pitch. The problem is that Bill is late for the meeting and having to do the sales pitch by cell phone. And why is he late? Because he is stuck in traffic. (A personal note: If MY job was on the line in this situation with a big money account on the line I'd just abandon the car and deal with the tow and fees later, but that's me.)

 

 

 

Because Bill has been having some personal issues that came prior to this incident, he is canned. And forced to go on unemployment. Rago has a rather abrasive attitude about this predicament, and gets on the wrong side with his case worker at the outset, but eventually she finds work for him. Although maybe not exactly what he is expecting. Or even wants.

It seems that the job given to him is to be a teacher to a batch of Army recruits who are about to wash out of the service because they have trouble comprehending. Just what they are having trouble comprehending is never fully established, and this is one of the few nitpicks I have with the film. It's not exactly like they are mentally deficient like Forrest Gump. Although the rest of the camp refers to them as the "Double D's", which stand for "dumb as dog $^:+". 

 

 

The soldiers in question, Privates Donnie Benitez (Lillo Brancato, Jr.), Billy Davis, Jr. (Peter Simmons), Tommy Lee Haywood (Mark Wahlberg), Roosevelt Hobbs (Khalil Kain), Jackson Leroy (Richard T. Jones), Melvin Melvin (Greg Sporleder), Jamaal Montgomery (Kadeem Hardison), and Miranda Myers (Stacey Dash) are sent to this class because the commanding officer of the base thinks that they are worth saving rather than washing out because they have trouble in the brains department. 

 

 

Bill, initially (as would I, to be honest) , has no idea what he is supposed to be doing.  He got the job because he has a master's degree, although not one in English or any other teaching related fields. But in the tradition of government logic that master's degree he does have must mean he can teach, so...

 

 

The film struggles through it's first 15 minutes or so, after the initial setup of the premise, especially when it comes to how Bill is finding ways to accomplish the goal he has been hired to do. The assignment that he has given them at one point is to read something and tell about what they learned. He doesn't give them anything specific, just to bring something they can read to the class. One of the funnier sequences of the film involves Benitez trying to figure out what is going on in an Archie comic book.

 

 

The students ask Bill what he is reading and he tells them it is a Shakespeare play, "Hamlet". So, OK, maybe these guys aren't all on the ball, but none of them know who Shakespeare is. (Did they all drop out of school before they reached junior high?) When Bill tells them it's about "sex, murder, incest, insanity". Which, needless to say, intrigues these recruits. And thus, Bill has his new agenda, trying to teach them to understand the intricacies of the language of The Bard and what it all means. 

 

 

Meanwhile Bill is becoming increasingly at odds with the recruits' drill sergeant, Sgt. Cass (Gregory Hines). (Cass, by the way, is never given a first name in the film, but Bill keeps calling him "Lou". Whether Bill had a combative relationship with a guy named Lou in his past is not revealed, or why he uses that particular name, but in the interest of this blog I will use that name from here on out).

 

 

Another funny incident occurs when Lou is chewing out Davis for showing up late for drill. Trying to get Lou to go easy on him only causes Lou to become even more hostile to Bill, as this is seen as an affront to his position of authority as a drill instructor. Bill tells Lou to chill out, calling Lou anal.  "Gee, you must've been potty trained at gunpoint!" (And at this point, I'm thinking Lou might just try to do some impromptu potty-training on Bill).

 

 

As the lessons continue, Bill assigns each cadet with a role in the play. When Davis is assigned the role of Queen Gertrude he responds with shock. "Isn't that a girl's part?" To which Bill informs the cadets that in Shakespeare's day ALL parts were played by males. And Myers responds with a comment that "You mean that Romeo and Juliet were a couple of guys?" (Wait a minute, if none of these recruits know who Shakespeare is how does Myers know about "Romeo and Juliet"?)

 

 

Bill makes one rather grievous error during his tenure. He thinks that Pvt. Hobbs may be getting the short end of the shaft, that he may be brighter than anyone thinks, and has the superiors look into his record. Unfortunately this ends up revealing that Hobbs is on the lam from the authorities for having been charged with drug dealing, and ends up with his arrest. Bill is just as devastated by this turn of events as the recruits are, but he has to make some serious amends to regain their trust. Eventually Bill makes headway in his teaching and even takes the recruits on a trip across the border into Canada to see a performance of Henry V. (Another nitpick here. Is it even remotely possible that these recruits could go on a road trip during basic training without being accompanied by an officer? Just wondering.)

 

At one point in the film, the recruits, eager to show Bill they are actually getting what he is teaching, improvise a rap performance, in which all but one of the recruits join into the rap. The interesting thing about this scene is... the one guy not actually performing in the rap piece they have created? It's Marky Mark Wahlberg, the only bonafide rap artist in the movie... But Wahlberg was the writer of the rap piece, so his input was instrumental in it's own way.

 

 

 

Lou, who thinks this whole classroom thing is a waste of time, keeps trying to undermine Bill and his class. At one point he asks Melvin to recite some Shakespeare, but Melvin is not able to do it. But when Lou asks Benitez to recite Shakespeare, he quotes almost verbatim the St. Crispin's Day speech  from the play they saw the other day, Henry V.

 

 

Bill has plans to present a final exam for the class, but this runs afoul with the higher ups, because if he fails any recruit they are potentially washed out as soldiers. Bill is determined though, but he presents it to the class that they will not be required to take the test.  Of course, on the day of the test, the recruits do show up. (And how could it be any other way? The film would have been for naught if they all opted out).

 

 

There is some wrap in the transformation of Bill from a rather cynical and combative type to one who becomes more attuned to the feelings of those around him. One of the side stories is how Bill deals with his daughter,  Emily (Alanna Ubach). Emily wants to be an astronomer, which Bill is dismissive of at first, but due to his transformation eventually comes to encourage her ambition.

 

 

Also, being helpful with his recruits ends up with having something good come out of that too, as Pvt, Davis' oft spouted belief that his daddy was a Vietnam War hero is vindicated when the top brass award him the Silver Star that should have been presented to his family 20 years earlier. 

 

 

Renaissance Man was a bomb at the box office. It barely made half of it's production money back ($24 million against a budget of $40 million).  The producers apparently didn't expect much from this movie at the outset.  It was released in the summer (June 3) , for one thing, a time when blockbusters of the year would dominate the the theater. Renaissance Man had to compete with such dynamos of the big screen as Speed, True Lies, The Lion King, Beverly Hills Cop III and Wyatt Earp. And that's just during it's first  two weeks. This is a movie that might have benefited from a later release, like maybe November, where the biggest competition was probably only Star Trek: Generations. 

 

To be fair, the film does have some tendencies towards sentimentality that seems a bit out of place. The relationship between Stacey Dash's Private Myers and Khalil Kain's Private Hobbs is never fully established  during the first half of the film, so her reaction to the arrest of Hobbs in the second half comes off as a bit contrived. And the final scene where Peter Simmons' Private Davis' devotion to his supposed Vietnam War hero dad is vindicated, although emotionally encouraging, seems to be there only for the effect. 

 

I am dedicating this post to my friend, Rachel, of Hamlette's Soliloquy.  Simply because of her love for the original Shakespeare classic play featured here. 

 

Well folks, time to fire up the old Plymouth and head home. 4:30 reveille comes awful early.

 

Quiggy