Humor in a Movie Vein

This is my entry in the Things I Learned From the Movies Blogathon, hosted by Speakeasy and Silver Screenings.

I have a book I bought years ago,  Videohound's Complete Guide to Cult Flicks and Trash Pics, printed by Visible Ink Press. The book, like all others in the Videohound series, collects a plethora of movie titles that fit in a particular vein, in this case some of the most obscure and weird movies ever made, as well as some mainstream movies that have a cult following status.  (The Star Wars movies would fit in that latter category).  The first part of that designation would include such low budget trash flicks as The Brain that Wouldn't Die, Robot Monster and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (all of which have been reviewed elsewhere on this blog.

I acquired my quirky sense of humor from watching some of these "trash pics".  It's part of my make-up.  I have a quick wit, although it's not always thought of by others as funny, I admit, especially when the person in question is the victim of the witty remark.  But it does make for some more or less clever observations if it works.

I read this book cover to cover, and one day it occurred  to me that I could make some rather snide (or witty, depending on your point of view) comments on some of the titles included in the book, without necessarily having been a viewer of said movies.  I have posted the following in one form or another on the web over the years.  These current comments are mostly new, however, because my memory is so bad I can no longer remember the original comments.  I hope you get a kick out of them, though.

Writer's Note:  The titles, in boldface, are actual titles of movies.  The comments in  (parentheses) are mine.  If the titles seem stupid, don't blame me.  If the comments, however, seem stupid, well.....ppptttthhh!  By the way, I know that more than a few of these selections were intended to be funny in their original form, but my comments are still valid.




Please Don't Eat My Mother (actually, we came for your daughter, Chuck!)

Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid (Look out!  He's got a pocket protector!)

Oh, Dad, Poor Dad!  Momma's Hung you in the Closet & I'm Feeling So Sad (But could you move over?  I need to get my shoes...)

(and yes, that says the star is Rosalind Russell...)


Alone in the T-Shirt Zone (Personally, I'd prefer to be alone in the WET T-shirt zone...)

Where's Poppa?  (Isn't he still hanging in the closet?)

And now for a triple feature:

Bad Girls from Mars
Bad Girls Go to Hell
(this isn't going to go well...)
Mars Needs Women
(See... I told you...)

 Hillbillies in a Haunted House (Also known as "Jethro Bodine Finally Scores"...)

Angels Hard as They Come (Imagine my disappointment.  It's not a porno movie...)

Prick Up You Ears (Shame on you for what you're thinking...)

Killer Tomatoes Eat France (And the rest of the world owes them a debt of "Thanks".)

Barn of the Naked Dead (Brought to you by the same people who gave you Silo of the Cross-Dressing Zombies)

Time for another triple feature:

It's Dead - Let's Touch It!
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
(But will they listen...?)
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
(I didn't think so...)


{ Couldn't find a poster for It's Dead - Let's Touch It!  but I did find the video.  It's only 30 minutes long, and a riot...}

Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (The MLB Pirates baseball team's voodoo rite to win the World Series went haywire...)

The Rats are Coming!  The Werewolves are Here! (Break out the Flit!)

The Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman (for those of you who like your wrestling on the kinky side)

Rabid Grannies (Gee, grandma, what big teeth you have...)

There's Nothing Out There (That squeak is just Spot's squeaky toy... Wait a minute, we don't HAVE a dog...)

Don't look behind you, now, but...


Attack of the Mushroom People
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
(Where are they coming from...?) 
Attack of the Killer Refrigerator
Well, they had to be coming from SOMEWHERE, didn't they?)

Attack of the Giant Leeches
Attack of the Crab Monsters
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman
Attack of the Puppet People
Attack of the Mayan Mummy
Attack of the Robots
(HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!)

Attack of the 60-Foot Centerfold
(Well, OK, maybe that one's not so bad.  Hmm... Where did I put those magic pills that Alice gave me...?)

This last one needs no comments.  It's title speaks for itself.

Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh-Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part 2 (In Shocking 2D)

If you need stitching up after that, Dr. Frankenstein's office is just down the hall.

Quiggy

Come One, Come All to the Circus!

This is my entry in the Dual Roles Blogathon, hosted by Christina Wehner and Silver Screenings

A quick glance at the roundup for this "Dual Roles" blogathon shows numerous entries for actors who are playing two separate roles.  In "Dr. Strangelove", Peter Sellers takes on a mere three roles.  To this I say "Bah!  Pikers!"

Ladies and gentlemen!  Come one, come all to the Circus of Dr. Lao.  Here you will see Dr. Lao himself.

Tony Randall

You will also see the monstrous, but beguiling Medusa!

Tony Randall

The enchanting God of Joy, Pan!

Tony Randall

The fantastic wizard of antiquity, Merlin!

Tony Randall

 A mysterious seer of the future, Appolonius!

Tony Randall

An Abominable Snowman!

Tony Randall

And a talking serpent!

Animated serpent, but voiced by Tony Randall

Yes, that's right, folks! Tony Randall puts them all to shame by taking on 7 (count 'em, 7!) roles in The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao.  

(Now, nitpickers will say that, in retrospect, Tony Randall was not actually the Abominable Snowman, although he was credited as it.  I'll concede that it's true.  George Pal's son, Peter, was the un-credited one in the snowman costume.  But, in that case,  I will add that Randall also appeared in the audience of the circus, looking pretty unimpressed with the proceedings.  So now we again have 7, so there!  :-D)

Tony Randall

The movie was directed by George Pal, and is a loving rendition of a great fantasy novel written in 1935 by Charles G. Finney.  Charles Beaumont, a veteran screenwriter whose name should be familiar to fans of the Rod Serling show The Twilight Zone, adapted the novel for the screen.

The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao (1964)

This film opens with a Chinese peasant, Dr. Lao (Tony Randall), riding in to the town of Abalone with his only apparent possessions being a long stemmed pipe, a jackass and a fish bowl with a fish in it.  He rides into town, immediately going to the local paper to advertise his circus.  Dr. Lao is. among other things, a magician, and we get a sample early on as he waves his hand to stop the noisy presses of the paper in order to get the attention of the printer, Sam (Noah Beery, Jr.).  He wants to talk with the man in charge, Ed Cunningham (John Ericson), but the printer claims he is busy.

Enter the proposed villain of the picture.  Clint Stark (Arthur O'Connell).  Stark berates Ed, good-naturedly admittedly, for printing editorials calling into question Stark's motives for buying up wholesale portions of the town.  Ed suspects Stark has ulterior motives although he does not know what they are.  After Stark leaves Lao proposes buying a full page ad in Ed's newspaper advertising his Circus.

Ed has a crush on the local librarian, Angela Benedict (Barbara Eden), a widow with a son, Mike (Kevin Tate).  Angela spurns his advances with gusto, although her mother-in-law, with whom she still lives, Sarah (Argentina Brunetti) approves of him and thinks her widowed daughter-in-law should give in and accept his advances.

A town hall meeting is called in which the efforts of Stark to buy the town are addressed, but just before a final vote is called to accept his offer, Ed manages to postpone the vote.  He is still trying to find out Stark's motives.  Meantime Dr. Lao's Circus opens.  By the way, if you are unable to accept that such a large circus could be transported on the back of donkey, you are too literal-minded, and are probably in the wrong theater.

The towns patrons of the circus are addressed individually and see exactly what they seem to need to see.  Angela is enchanted by the pipes playing of the god Pan, who transforms, in her mind, from the god as played by Tony Randall into Ed as played by John Ericson.  A haughty woman who thinks more of herself than she really is, Mrs. Cassan (Lee Patrick) is brought down to Earth by the blunt but truthful predictions of the seer, Appolonius (Tony Randall).  A snotty little kid is given his comeuppance by the aged wizard Merlin (Tony Randall). A shrewish woman ( is turned to stone by the Medusa (Tony Randall), despite her insistence that its all a hoax.   And Stark meets a talking serpent (an animated creature that looks like stark, but is voiced by Tony Randall).

Throughout all of this is Dr. Lao who entertains as the ringmaster, not only using the pidgin English that personifies the Chinese in movies of the era, but also in a pretty decent Irish accent, and in straightforward American English on one occasion to Mike.  You might think all of this is a stereotype, and some will undoubtedly be offended by the portrayals, but I see it in the context of the fantasy of the overall film.  Randall as Dr. Lao exposes the faults of each of the citizens, all of which makes them change into better people by the end of the movie.  Even Stark.

I hope I have intrigued you enough to want to watch this movie on your own.  I avoided any spoilers, because unlike many of the movies I reviewed in recent months, I think this one may be obscure enough that many of you may not have seen it.  trust me, it is a very entertaining fable, and the book is really good too, if you manage to find a copy.

Well, folks, the circus is closing.  Be sure to stock up on cotton candy and pretzels before you leave the theater.

Quiggy